Things Cosmo Has Discovered Men Don’t Like In Bed

Stop! Stop spanking his butt with a spatula! I know conventional wisdom is “spatula spank his bottom like it is so many egg whites needed to make meringues” but you should stop.

God, that was disgusting. Well! Anyhow. Cosmo (print) discovered some things you should really stop doing in bed in their June issue. Would you like to know what they are? Here is what they are. Some of them, anyway. We sort of doubt you were doing them to begin with.

(Incidentally, this picture is what you get if you google “man being repulsed.” It’s of Heinrich Himler, or possibly Francisco Franco, either way, a monster and repulsive man, who just LOVED that spatula thing).

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    • Chloe

      Nothing wrong with some aggressive shoulder biting. Cosmo girls should live a little.

      • Jamie Peck


      • Hanna

        I guess the whole point of these series is that some uptight teenagers can read them and go all “ewwwwwww I would NEVER do THAT!”. And then ten years later they are wearing a pony get up and love sticking their fingers up their lover’s bum. Or maybe they’re still uptight bitches in which case I pity them.

    • Jamie Peck

      Also: believe it or not, women are not the only people with the potential to be bisexual and/or bicurious.

      Also also: A+ on the use of Paz de la Huerta with the “daddy” one.

    • Stephanie

      That’s not Himmler. It’s Francisco Franco!

    • Eileen

      I’m mostly impressed at the idea that Cosmo might suggest that there is anything that any woman might do in bed to any man that wouldn’t cause him to have a spontaneous orgasm.

    • MM

      I love how Cosmo tells you it’s terrible to suggest a threesome with another guy, even though having a threesome with another girl is considered totally normal. Let’s have some equality, guys!!