Molson Coors Invents A Special Beer For Girls

Do you like the idea of drinking beer with the guys, but wish there were a sweeter, pinker, and generally less beer-like version made just for you and your ovaries?  Well, international beer company Molson Coors has heard your prayers and concocted just that: a beer for girls. According to Marketing Magazine, their new drink “Animee” will come in three flavors: standard, rose, and citrus. The various “flavors” will be colored, while the regular kind will be clear, contain 4% alcohol, and have “a taste similar to an alcopop.” Congratulations, guys, you’ve invented Zima.

Honest question: does any adult (say, post-college) woman actually drink alcopops? I’ve always thought they were mainly for kids in their first year of learning how to drink. In my experience, people stop drinking them when they find out that although it might taste good (to some), a syrupy Smirnoff Ice will make you puke a whole lot faster than a good old fashioned brewski would. (See also: icing.)

Everyone I know now who likes sweet drinks (and this includes both men and women) just orders cocktails with sweet mixers, like a vodka cran or a Jack and Coke. This is how grown-ups get their sweet tooth on respectably. It’s also sort of offensive to assume that women can’t handle a regular ass beer, especially when there are already so many real beers to choose from. Concerned about calories? Get a light beer. Not concerned about calories but want a light, tasty flavor? Go for a Belgian white or a Hefeweizen (my personal favorite). Want a hint of citrus? Order a Blue Moon and put an orange slice in it. This is too fucking easy.

Anyway, it’ll be interesting to see if this “girl beer” catches on with anyone who is older than 22. I will report back once I have taken one for the team and sampled it.

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    • El

      Give me. A real. Beer.

      I know, I’m biased. I work at a craft brewery. But every guy comes in (including our distributors!) and assumes I want a strawberry wheat ale. My response?

      “Not on your life.”

      And no, we don’t make any of those where I work. I want a nice, full-bodied, flavorful ale, thanks. And I’m a girl. I’ll stick with my craft beers.