• Mon, Jul 25 2011

Bill O’Reilly Thinks You’re Pregnant Because You “Were Blasted Out Of Your Mind While Having Sex”

Oh, that jester! Wait. No. No, he’s not joking at all. Here’s O’Reilly’s logic.

1) 25% of Americans now binge drink, which qualifies as having 5 or more drinks in one sitting.

2) Paying for birth control for all women would cost $4 billion

So he concludes that this is a bad idea because:

3) “Many women who get pregnant are blasted out of their minds when they have sex, [so] they’re not going to use birth control anyway.”

Okay, wait. Wait. I’m speaking as someone who has had five or more drinks in an evening. 5 drinks seems like it would fit into the category of “things that will give me a headache the next day.” It doesn’t seem like something that has caused me to engage in behavior that is risky beyond possibly drunk dialing my ex. To be fair, I asked around the office about “risky things they’ve done after, say, 5 glasses of wine” and one WILD AND CRAZY INTERN reports taking a hike and taking pictures of horses. We live life on the edge. So. No one in this office is blasted out of their mind after five drinks, even though we ackowledge it would be bad to consume that much alcohol say, daily. To me, being blasted out of your mind would entail “being black-out drunk”. So, if 25% of people were getting black-out drunk, maybe this argument would make some sense.

BUT only if those people followed up “getting drunk” with “necessarily having sex.” Which seems unlikely.A lot of them will be busy vomiting andor engaging in wild drunken hijinks.

Also, what birth control are they talking about? Are they talking about some kind of hilariously complicated condom people can’t use after 5 drinks? (But they can hike! They can adjust camera settings!) Does Bill O’Reilly know how birth control works? Does he know that it’s not something one just urgently has to chomp down immediately before a man enters you, which you cannot do because you’re black-out out drunk? Normal women take a pill every day. You can miss one every so often and still not get pregnant. So, just limit your black-outs to “once an a while” and you’ll be fine.

Look, I guess we could go on and on about this, but I think what I’m trying to say is “I’m not sure Bill O’Reilly has really considered this very well.”

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  • OG

    Oh silly women, with their small brains making it hard to juggle birth control and drinking.

  • B

    Birth control can be taken at any time of day, as long as it’s consistent. Even black-out drunks could just take it every day at like 10 AM, and still have black-out drunk sex and not get pregnant.

    Also, there is no way that providing birth control for all women costs more than supporting unwanted children.

    Bill O’Reilly is a nutcase.

  • Lisa M

    I will admit that, after 5 drinks, I have:

    1) Kissed every girl at the party
    2) Been totally okay to walk by myself in a straight line as long as I had my arms out to the sides like a kid pretending to be an airplane
    3) Accepted that I can’t go anywhere without “an adult” (i.e. one of my more sober friends)

    This was also the night that I found out you’re not supposed to drink for a few days after having an anaphylactic allergic reaction because it will make your body completely over-react to the alcohol.

  • Renae

    “I’d like to see that data for sure that there would be fewer abortions.”

    Um… It stands to reason idiots. If 1/2 of all pregnancies are unplanned or unwanted, then reducing that number by giving women free birth control (which they may opt not to use, but those who don’t want to get pregnant /will/ use it) will lead to fewer unplanned pregnancies and thus fewer abortions.

    As for the “Liberal” a.k.a. not crazy woman, she hit on all the major points that conservatives harp on: more cheap/free birth control (for those who want it) = fewer unplanned/unwanted pregnancies, fewer abortions, fewer people receiving welfare, WIC, Medicare, Medicaid, and fewer children put into foster care, which can be worse than staying with their parents in some cases.

    • Dee

      So, you’re saying that just because she’s a Liberal, she’s not crazy? Which mean that, in turn, you say that Conservative women ARE crazy? Last I checked, people are free to have whatever political views they wish without being labeled “crazy” because of it. But I guess according to you, we’re all idiots, too.

      That being said, Cheap/Free birth control does not mean that there will be fewer unplanned/unwanted pregnancies (nor will it solve every issue in the country). Those that want birth control will use it. There’s always those in the crowd that will end up not using it, and end up pregnant. Not to mention, it IS possible to become pregnant while on birth control, which means there’s yet another unwanted pregnancy. Fewer abortions can be solved as such: Make it illegal. Plain and simple. Just because you don’t want your child, does not mean it has to be killed because of your stupidity. You opened your legs, you accept the responsibility to carry it to term and place it for adoption with a family that DOES want the child.

      Want fewer people on welfare? Then create background checks and drug testing and limit the amount of pregnancies that you can have while on it. I do believe that welfare helps the people that it was intended for, but there are people that abuse the system and need to be kicked off. Simply giving someone birth control will not solve this issue.

      WIC, Medicare, and Medicaid should have a higher priority when it comes to funding. Instead of putting our funds into Planned Parenthood and supporting child murder (oops, there’s that little abortion thing again!), I suggest we invest a bit more in our senior citizens and the families that need help. Giving someone birth control will not solve this issue, either.

      Fewer children in foster care: If girls that didn’t want to be mothers wouldn’t open their legs, only to birth a child that they didn’t want, we wouldn’t have that problem now, would we? On the flip side, what about all of those people adopting outside the country instead of opening their eyes to the children that have been bounced around 3 different homes in the last 5 years? That would be MY priority if I wanted to adopt, instead of bringing in a little Asian kid like so many of our celebrities. But since you mentioned that foster homes can be worse than staying with biological parents– I might add, foster homes can also be a much better alternative to staying with biological parents.

      But hey.. You implied that Conservatives are crazy, so I guess my opinion doesn’t matter. And we’re all idiots, anyway.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      @Dee

      the phrase “limit the amount of pregnancies” confirms you are absolutely out of your fucking mind, political leanings or not.

    • Dee

      @Ashley Gardiff: Just because YOU think that women should continue to shove out children while on welfare does not mean I’m “out of my mind.” It just shows that you’re probably one of them. I’ve seen several women have children, then go on welfare, and then have more kids while still needing the financial aid. If you can’t afford the children you have, you should NOT be able to have any more until you CAN afford them. It’s unfair to the children, and yourself.

    • Jennifer Wright

      Ashley Gardiff has like, 17 children latched onto her various body parts right now. It’s disgusting.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      @Dee

      Although I’m sure you “see” a lot of weird shit in your bigoted fantasies of welfare queens and forced sterilization, I fully intend to teach all 17 of my unplanned children (who I feed and support with welfare) to use birth control.

    • Dee

      @Ashley Gardiff: Forced sterilization? LMAO!! Having common sense and not getting knocked up at taxpayers’ expense isn’t “forced sterilization,” dear; then again, there are quite a few people out there that SHOULD be sterilized. But hey.. You go right ahead and teach your kids to live off welfare for the rest of their lives and have abortions, dear. You’re only forcing the country to pay for your mistakes, and hurting the people that REALLY use welfare for what it’s intended for. :)

    • Renae

      Now I know you’re not supposed to feed the trolls but…

      Compared to Bill “You can’t explain that” O’Reilly, the liberal woman is definitely not crazy. At least in this setting. For all I know she drowns kittens in her spare time, but at least she comes off as the more sane of the two in this interview. Also, most people are idiots. To quote Einstein: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

      Apparently you just skimmed over what I said and did not actually read it, as I acknowledged that not everyone would use free/cheap birth control, but the main point is that if a woman does not want to get pregnant, she’ll be more likely to use it. If a woman doesn’t care if she gets pregnant she’ll use birth control sporadically, if at all. A single form of birth control like the pill or even condoms are approximately 97-99% successful in preventing pregnancy when used properly. If a couple uses both than the chances of getting pregnant are next to none.

      Making abortions illegal will not necessarily cause the number to drop, as even in this country where it is legal, back alley abortionists still exist. These shady characters would simply see an increase in their business which is not regulated and could kill the woman who simply needs services that could otherwise be next to harmless. A women getting pregnant unintentionally isn’t necessarily stupid, because it seems you’ve not taken into consideration the victims of sex crimes, who could (against their will) become pregnant.

      Even if a woman who becomes pregnant unintentionally does carry the baby to term, when it is born she either has to find an adoptive family for it (which could be very difficult) or give it up to the federal government to put into the foster care system. Either way these children are not guaranteed to have any kind of a decent life, or to ever find a home with new parents. In a world where so many children already live without homes, parents, and in poverty starving to death in countries far worse than ours, why bring another unwanted child in? We stand to gain nothing, only to create more waste and more rapidly destroy our planet.

      I think everyone would agree that having fewer people depend on the government via welfare would be better for our country. I hate that people take advantage of the system by popping out babies when they can’t afford the ones they already have (Nadya Suleman). I think they ought to impose new regulations to prevent such things from happening, like a limit on how many children you can receive government support for, or do like some countries where receiving support entitles you to free/low cost birth control (usually an implant/IUD), and having more children means forfeiting that aide.

      Our tax dollars could go to more important things than those who profit off of the system, like funding education so that future generations would be more knowledgeable and hopefully not repeat the mistakes of the past. How about some comprehensive sex education? Abstinence only education has proven highly ineffective. How about “you shouldn’t have sex because you could get pregnant (even if you’re careful), but here’s how you can minimize the risk, should you choose to.”

      Funds given to Planned Parenthood are not used for abortions. I don’t know how many times that needs to be proven for pro-lifers to get that. The money PP receives is used to provide free or low cost medical examinations to women. Checks for cervical cancer, breast cancer, and all the other things that are done at a typical yearly “well woman exam.” Also, I feel I should point out that it’s not legally defined as murder until the fetus has reached the point where it would be capable of living outside of the womb, which I believe is legally somewhere between 5 and 6 months gestation in most states. There is a point where an abortion can not legally be performed, which I recall (perhaps incorrectly) to be either 3 or 4 months gestation. So legally, an abortion is not murder.

  • Joyce

    And they allow this guy to have a TV show?!

  • Eileen

    Okay, true stories time: I once was pretty damned wasted, making out with my crush of, like, six months, alone in his bedroom. I ask him if he has a condom. He says no. We do not have sex because I don’t want to get pregnant and he doesn’t want to get me pregnant. And those are condoms, not other birth control methods that you plan out when sober.

    That having been said, I’m not really a fan of the government’s paying for anyone’s health care, so I don’t agree that subsidizing birth control for everyone is a good idea (especially since, as my crush and I proved, “not having sex” is always an option). But at least be honest and don’t make up stupid reasons that fall apart with the slightest poke.

  • Paige V.I.

    this is fucking crazy.

  • Molly

    Billy knows this from experience. In his hard partying days he’d get blasted all the time with his best girlfriends, then have sex. all without taking his birth control pills. Wait, Bill O’Reilly isn’t a woman, has never had sex with a man, or ever filled a birth control prescription? NM

    On what level does he think he’s qualified to make such a statement?

  • Rachel

    As someone who does get blackout drunk after 5 drinks (what? I am a lightweight who drinks straight Jim Beam) can I tell you that most of the time, having sex in that state hardly ever works out in such a way that a pregnancy would happen…if you catch my drift…meaning, I am not normally trying to get my swerve on with sober dudes. Normally they are right there in my black out boat and we tend to be the most uncoordinated of sexual shipmates. Also, I am a sleepy drunk.

    So really, I am feeling like the problem is more about the fact that girls don’t get properly educated about how to take birth control and that people get their news from insane misogynists.

  • Leah

    Here is my elaborate, self-congratulating opinion on drunk sex, birth contol, what Bill O’Reilly says, abortions, aliens, and gay marriage:

    It’s none of my fucking business. I’m not an expert at anything (I’m really good at kickball though). And because I’m not an expert, especially of anyone’s life, I cannot say what’s right or wrong. If i try to, it makes me no better than Bill O’Reilly.

  • Renae

    Argh. My comment hasn’t shown up, and when I try reposting it I’m given a duplicate post message. =/

    • Renae

      I got part of it to post by breaking it in half. I don’t have Word so I had no idea it was so long! But I still can’t get the rest to post….

  • Nikole

    Oh Jennifer Wright you crack me up, our humor is so similar. Bravo bravo

    • Nikole

      “Does he know that it’s not something one just urgently has to chomp down immediately before a man enters you”, such a great mental image