• Tue, Jul 26 2011

Poll: Should You Tell Someone You Made Out With Their SO, You Hussy?

I mean, no?

The correct answer is no, right?

At least I thought it was. It seems like the part in the movies where the guy is having an affair and she threatens to tell his wife is the point where she winds up getting killed. She winds up getting killed and no one feels that bad because she was threatening the home.

You know in the original version of Fatal Attraction (spoilers!) the Glenn Close character ends up killing herself because she is clearly very unstable? Which is a completely reasonable end to that movie given, again, that her character was clearly very unstable. But audiences hated it because they wanted Michael Douglas’s wife’s character to get to take revenge. Not because she slept with Michael Douglas, because she tried to destroy his family life, and that stuff is sacred.

In other news, the world is a place with a lot of double standards for men and women!

But, I guess I’ve always been under the impression that the worst thing you could do as a human being would be to have an affair with someone and then tell their spouse. Unless you are just on a deliberate mission to ruin that person’s life. And no matter how angry you are, you’re no life-ruiner, right?

However! There’s an interesting article on YourTango where a woman makes a out with a man at a party who turns out to be married. The author remarks:

I found [his wife] on Facebook. I looked at her photo and every cell in my body screamed, “You were her. You were her and no one told you for YEARS of your husband’s goings-on. Why would you, of all people, deprive her of that knowledge?”

So I wrote her. And I told her. More than that, we spoke on the phone. And when I got off the phone with her I cried. I cried cause I knew how hard it was for her to listen to what I said. I could feel my hands shaking and blood racing as if in unison with hers. I could feel her world crashing in. I could feel the piercing stab of betrayal through her heart.

But when my tears subsided and my blood calmed, I could only think of her final words to me: “Thank you. Thank you for having the courage to tell me.”

Which perhaps makes you re-evaluate the situation. MAYBE. What do you think?

Sorry! This poll is now closed.

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  • Jon

    Welcome to Slutsville. Population: You.

    • August S.

      Hi Jon, thanks for the warm and informative welcome! How long have you been the official greeting committee for this fine town? Can you tell me more about the Harlot Harvest Festival and the historic Whore of the Baskervilles monument? Are there perhaps any brochures I should peruse? Thanks for your help!

    • Elle

      But the guy who cheated with her, he’s not a slut at all, right? He’s just doing his dudely duty to spread his seed around like biology told him to.

  • Rachel

    I would never, EVER tell the other woman. That is not my place no matter what happened between her Significant Other and I.

  • Liz

    If one conducts an affair with an admittedly married guy and his wife is none the wiser, there’s an understanding that it’s going to stay quiet for whatever reasons. So if you tacitly agree to be in on the lying and then change your mind – this is seen as low behavior. (compared to what, one might ask – but that’s immaterial)

    In this case the guy posed as single, and betrayed not just the wife but also the would-be girlfriend – who was put in the position of “other woman” without ever wanting it or agreeing to it. She got mad, she never agreed to be in on the lying, she knows what this feels like from the other side, she spread truth. Go girl.

  • Lindsey

    I got cheated on before and I feel like the other girls were cowards. They did something wrong and didn’t apologize.

    On one hand: one of them did end up stealing my boyfriend, and they’re still together, a year later. I’m happy for them!
    On the other hand: where are non-cheating men? Can I have one? Is there an application process?

    • Joe

      Yes there is, and you’re in luck – this season we seem to have a record high of loyal, trust-worthy, “non-cheating” men!

  • kate

    I’ve been on both sides of this topic. The girl who didn’t know what her bf was doing (while I was preggo btw) and that absolutely sucked. I eventually found out on my own and cut, not only him out out of my life, but also the “friends” who didn’t tell me. They obviously weren’t great friends to begin with. Sadly I recently found myself on the other side of this scenario. I had no idea he was in a relationship but found out when HE added me on facebook. I’m still not sure if he was trying to get caught or if he’s just stupid. I just know that I felt miserable. The pissed off part of me wanted to send her a message on fb but I didn’t. Hopefully it was a one-time thing for this guy, although I doubt it. If not, his true colors will come out in time. And she deserves to hear it from someone who cares about her, not the random her SO hooked up with.

  • Arnie

    I think the main point revolves around whether or not you knew you were the other woman (or man, it goes both ways) or not.

    If you’ve willingly got yourself into something with someone you know was already with someone else, then you’ve knowingly decided to take on what’s involved in it, and I think it’d be far less likely for you to go telling her. I do, however, think that less responsibility should be put on the other woman. She’s not the one who is breaking a commitment to somebody else. Her position is still morally dubious, but for the most part, it’s him that’s doing the sneaking around.

    On the other hand, if you’ve been completely oblivious to the fact that this guy already has someone else, then you have every right to tell her exactly what’s been happening.

  • Fabel

    I would never tell, and I’ve been on allll sides of this scenario. And since I cheated quite frequently in the past (I know, I’M A TOTAL SLUT) then I’d feel like a hypocrite getting all righteous & informing the slighted wives/girlfriends about their unfaithful SO. I once WAS that unfaithful SO.

  • Jon

    Elle is correct.

  • Eileen

    I’m with Arnie. The person who does the cheating is the true “homewrecker,” and blaming the woman is just something sexist assholes and/or trolls do.

    Although, honestly, I read this article – and it kind of felt like the woman was doing it to make herself feel better, not because she really cared about how the wife might feel. If this guy is a serial cheater, as the author indicated she thought he was, I find it hard to believe that the wife was completely oblivious.

    Finally, I wouldn’t want to tell a woman because I’d want to keep the chance open that she’d hear it from her husband as he was apologizing. A marriage is often the most important relationship in a person’s life, and I’d rather give the husband the opportunity to fight for that relationship by being honest and contrite than have a woman I’ve never met think well of me for telling her the truth.