• Wed, Jul 27 2011

Real Talk: What Would You Do If You Got Pregnant?

Spurred on by yesterday’s discussion of kids, we began wondering what we’d do if we got pregnant. We don’t really know! So we asked some friends who are not currently planning to have children what they would do. Here is what they’d do. Maybe. Probably.

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  • Stephanie

    For me, I think Bee put it perfectly. Definitely a personal choice that is a very difficult one. But I’m in no place to have or carry a child right now.

  • Eileen

    No one else would do a private adoption, ala the Juno picture? That was always my first choice…partly because I don’t believe in abortion and think that having one would make me more miserable than having a baby, but mostly because I think it would be so nice to be able to give someone a baby. And these days that someone would probably be a woman who made a life and career for herself and now was having trouble getting pregnant (or two women, or two men, who face the obvious issue in conceiving), so I’d really feel doubly good about it. My college newspaper/the pews at the churches near campus always had ads from couples looking to adopt, and once or twice I thought “wouldn’t it be nice if I could give them a baby?” My great-grandmother adopted three kids as a single mom back in the ’30s, and obviously I’m glad she did!

    Although if we’re being honest, this probably stems from Monica and Chandler.

    My sister and I brought this up with our mom once, though, and she hated the idea of not getting to have her grandbaby and therefore there’d probably be a family fight over whether I was giving the baby for adoption or letting my mother raise her grandchild while I got my life in order.

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  • Megan

    My husband and I (yes, married, stable, and thankfully financially well-off) weren’t planning to have kids when our little one got through the Pill *and* a condom. The statistical probability of that is probably almost negative, but hey…it happened.

    I was miserable. Crying, screaming, angry miserable. I was studying to take the LSAT, and thinking about animal rights law, and now suddenly I was having anxiety attacks, gigantic boobs, and realizing it wouldn’t be fair to put a small family through my 3 years of law school. I can honestly say that I hated the entire nine months. No kick, no picking out names, no cute preggo outfits were enough to make me like being pregnant and accept what was happening. Abortion wasn’t an option, and there was no way we were giving up for adoption; we did, after all, want a family–just not right then.

    Luckily for us (although, I know, we’re in the minority), Tommy was born, he was perfect, and motherhood went on in a loverly fashion. Do we want another? Probably not. Pregnancy was bad enough on me and on my husband that he’s not sure he can handle 9 months of it again. I like drinking, fitting into my clothes, and being able to give all my attention to my one kid. But man–those 9 months–hell. I can’t even look at my pregnancy clothes. Although they’re packed away…just in case.

  • endn

    I had an abortion when i was 18 and i didn’t want to derail college and I definitely didn’t want to be connected to the father in any way. my parents are catholic but I didn’t give a shit about that “fetus having a soul” stuff, the choice for me was easy because it was basically “hm should I go get a procedure or should I ruin my life?”. but the way abortion is discussed popularly, I was fully braced for a horrible, gut-wrenching, emotional experience whereby afterwards I would always weep when I saw a pregnant woman or something. i didn’t experience that at all, I was just relieved, and have been going on with my life just fine 6 years later. I’m sure a lot of women do find it to be a horrible experience but I wonder how much of that is because everyone is telling us “omg it’s going to terrible you’re going to be full of regret we will shun you”. anyone else have a similar experience?

    • endn

      also, private adoption is no walk in the park, either– as megan described, going through 9 months of pregnancy isn’t something you can just forget about after it’s over. especially if you’re in school or have a career and trying to take exams and work while you’re barfing/in pain/etc. for months. I didn’t think I could just go through that for 9 months, have the baby, pass it off to someone and just go back to a regular life so easily. adoption is seen as this wonderful easy alternative (easier than an abortion? yeah right) when the truth is that pregnancy is very difficult for a lot of women, and if you don’t have a “desirable” baby (i.e. white and healthy) it’s not so easy to find good adoptive parents that would make you feel like you’re doing the right thing.

    • sara

      Yes! I had the same experience. I got one when I was 19 and I’m 28 years old now. For awhile I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t totally gutted and upset. It just really wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m certainly not an emotionally disconnected person. It was hands down the correct decison for me and I’ve never ever regretted it. Actually–Ive never even really had to mull over if I regretted it or not, because it was such a small blip on my life radar.

  • Eileen

    Oops, sorry, missed the end of it!

  • M

    My boyfriend and I have discussed it and are in total agreement: if I got pregnant, I wouldn’t keep being pregnant. He’s 21 and I’m 26, we’re both full-time students with part-time jobs, he’s out of state for school 9 months out of the year and I rent a room from his mom who also barely scrapes by.. We are in no way equipped to handle being parents. There’s also the part where we both don’t particularly like children and don’t want to EVER be parents, even when not young and ill-prepared. And also also the part where there’s a lot of mental illness in both of our families. And also also also the part where I am stable enough to function basically every day at this point in my life, but the crazy hormones and weight gain and all that would absolutely ruin my relative mental soundness even if I did want to carry to term and give it up for adoption. We’ll stick with our pets, thankyouverymuch.

  • maudie smith

    im not worried about geting pregnate because im ganna wait untill the right man comes along and im still ganna wait untill are wedding night,so im not worried.

    • M

      ..My brain hurts.

      Also, what if you end up geting pregnate on yare wedding night? Would you be ready then? Waiting for sex until you feel ready for intimacy is one thing [and I find it admirable; I didn't wait until marriage but I did wait until I was sure I wouldn't regret it and I think it was a sound decision], but it can be a whole ‘nother ballgame to wait until you’re both ready to be parents. I’m not trying to pick on your point of view [though your spelling: yes]; I’m genuinely wondering.

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  • Jenn

    Because this is America, and not some restrictive backwoods nation, this is what I would do:

    I am not ready to be a mom, so I would get an abortion, which would be the right choice for me at this time. MY body, MY choice. Period. No one else’s religion would have any bearing on my personal decision. Freedom is American, and that is how I would exercise my freedom to live my life in my own way.

    • Splatter Paint

      Abortion is cruel. Thats a life your taking away, so basically its murder.

    • Dove

      Well Splatter, as long as you’re being totally rational about things…

      fuck.

  • Arnie

    I remember having this discussion with my (now ex) boyfriend last year when we had a bit of a scare, and at that stage, I probably would have kept it. It would have been hard, but I think we’d be managing. I know that while I am in full support of a woman’s right to choose, I could personally never go through with an abortion.

    If I didn’t have the support of the father, it would probably be a different matter, though. I think I’d look fairly seriously at adoption if I was looking at doing it on my own, but I don’t know what I’d end up doing, and hope I’ll never have to find out.

  • Leontine Wallace

    Everyone’s choice is a personal decision, I am prochoice and I am happy to hear that women who really think they can’t handle a child are choosing not to have one. It is sad to see children that have parents that don’t make them first priority.

    But, I don’t like how people keep saying things like “a child would ruin my life.” I was not planning to have my daughter, me and my ex had dated for almost 3 years. We broke up two weeks before I got pregnant. He is not involved at all. While this is not the greatest scenario, my daughter is loved my both his family and mine. Being a single parent at 21 is not easy. But, I can say 100% that it improved my quality of life. We may not have money, I certainly don’t have a social life, but those things really don’t matter when I wake up and see her smile every day.

    Being a parent has taught me a lot about myself, what I am capable of, and given me many opportunities to let my daughter teach me lessons about being patient, loving, and empathetic.

  • Jane

    Wow, Gia is super judgy. I wouldn’t want someone like her as a friend.

  • li
  • Lauren

    It is in no way judgmental to say that abortion is morally wrong. I hate the argument “it’s my body,” because, actually, NO, it’s not. That baby you’re killing is 100% his/her own person. You have no more right to kill that child than Casey Anthony (assuming she IS guilty) had to kill her little girl.

    If you are absolutely sure you cannot handle a child, it’s simple. Don’t. Have. Sex. Yeah – how *dare* I suggest that! Well, abstinence DOES work if you have the self-control to do it. So try it. Instead of punishing an innocent new life for your mistakes.

    • Canaduck

      Really? What if I don’t want children because I already have lousy health problems and pregnancy would make them worse. I guess I should just be abstinent for my entire life?

  • revo

    im a man, if i get pregnant…oh my god…confuse
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  • Boston Market Coupons

    This is a really heavy question. If I’d be pregnant I would probably accept the consequences of my actions. Boston Market Coupons