• Wed, Aug 3 2011

Real Talk: What Is The Worst Movie You’ve Ever Seen?

We all have a lot of favorite movies. Asking someone their favorite movie (I Capture The Castle) will tell you nothing about their personality. Asking them the worst movie they’ve ever seen, however, will tell you tons about them and whether or not you can be friends. Though everyone hates M. Night Shyamalan now, it seems, so I guess that can bring us all together.

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  • Christina

    Avatar. That movie sucks so much that if I ever meet anyone who actually likes it, I will never talk to them again.

  • Eileen

    The American President. God, I hated this movie. Even ignoring the fact that it’s about an environmental lobbyist who drives her car through Washington, DC every day (despite the existence of public transportation and the fact that she is apparently a shitty driver), the end moral of the movie seems to be that the President should give up on trying to push through the bill that got him elected so that he can support the bill that his lobbyist sex partner is advocating.

    I’m not sure it’s the worst movie, though, because I do occasionally watch Lifetime.

    • porkchop

      Have you ever noticed that EVERY GUY loves this movie?

    • Eileen

      Really? Oh, ew. I’ve never understood how Michael Douglas (I think his name in the movie is Andrew something?) could claim the moral high ground when he was supporting a bill because he didn’t want the lobbyist to get mad and stop sleeping with him.

  • Kait

    Letters to Juliet.

    It’s not even an awesomely bad movie (like The Evil Dead or some such). Letters to Juliet is just BAD.

  • Molly

    I love I Capture the Castle! My sister gave me the DVD because she didn’t think it was such a great movie. Entertaining, is what she said. I’ve seen it so many times now, and I always recommend it.
    But if we’re talking about movies that I hate? I didn’t like Moulin Rouge at all. Even Crossroads was more entertaining and that was pretty bad.

  • porkchop

    “Here on Earth” starring Leelee Sobieski, Chris Klein, and Josh Hartnett.

    In this film, a townie and a rich kid fight over a girl, and then it turns out she’s dying.

    Nothing could save this movie–not the attractive actors, not the fact that I was drunk, not even the solitary male in the theater who shouted sarcastic comments at the screen while his girlfriend fumed with rage (“IS THIS A METAPHOR??”)

  • Lindsey

    Intolerable Cruelty by the Coen brothers. Most aptly named film EVER.

    • Jennifer Wright

      Oh, wait, I actually really like Introlerable Cruelty! I mean, I like the fact that they were trying for a sort of screwball/sparring couple comedy. Which you don’t often see outside the 1930′s. I don’t think it’s perfectly executed, and I think the ending falls apart a bit, but George Clooney at least has an old movie star style that I think translates well for it. And Catherine Zeta Jones just looks beautiful.

  • Joanna Arcieri

    I happen to believe that The Room is the greatest movie of our time… once you get over how dreadfully bad it is. I dream of going to one of those midnight screenings it is always been shown at.

  • Megan

    “Max Payne,” with Mark Wahlberg.

    The video game character is a total badass and a questionable guy. In this movie, he’s a nice dude who occasionally looks constipated. I can only assume it was Wahlberg’s “thoughtful face.” And then drug dealers show up out of nowhere. I would rather go to a Miley Cyrus concert than watch this movie again.

    It made me wish the Funky Bunch was still around.

  • Erica

    The Avengers. No, I didn’t get an advance copy of the one coming out with all those Superheroes. The Avengers movie from 1998. The one with Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes where they are trying to save the world because someone is trying to destroy it with a weather machine. Just went on imdb and apparently the tagline is: “When evil reigns, it takes two to weather the storm”. That is all.

  • Magda

    I’ve tried posting this comment three times, and it keeps not showing up. So instead of going for the long witty comment, here’s the summary:

    Basically, “The Dreamers” with Michael Pitt. It has a wierd brother/sister thing going on and there’s a anti-Fascist revolution going on. And some how Vietnam is thrown in. Oh! and There is this part where the female lead starts her period in a bath tub with two guys and they all laugh and are like, “Ce la vie!” and I was just grossed out. Maybe I’m just no French enough and missed the message.

    Oh, and “The Box” with Cameron Diaz was just plain HORRIBLE!

  • Hanna

    “Beauty and the Briefcase”. Of course, this was a made-for-tv movie but it is still unpleasantly engraved in my brain as the worst, stupidest, unfunniest movie ever made. Hillary Duff plays the lead character. You would think this is enough to make this movie horrible but no, it gets better. She wants to be a “jounalist”. At cosmopolitan. Because, in her head, cosmopolitan is the greatest magazine ever. She even has a cosmopolitan altar at home. I kid you not. She loves fashion but looks awful all the time. She’s stupid. She’s superficial. She has stupid, superficial friends. The main character is basically a dumb bitch. For 90 minutes straight.
    I watched the first five minutes, my mind was blown. I had to shut it off. Then I continued watching because I just couldn’t believe a movie like that could exist. But it does. It does.

  • Beezus

    Red Riding Hood(2011)

    I thought it would be passable because Gary Oldman was in it. He’s a wonderful actor, but it was evident within the first few minutes he was just phoning it in. Horrible, horrible movie. I also hated Legally Blonde 2.

    • Rebekah Mae

      OH MY GOD Was that movie bad! And I just sat there waiting and hoping that at any minute the movie would get better, the script would be better, the acting would get better. I mean jesus, Gary Oldman was in it! But it just got continuously worse.

      Oh and Captain America. Yes I am aware that it is a comic. However…That script, I mean really people, my dog could write a better script then that. And don’t even get me started on the acting! You’d think with an all-star cast it would be at least descent.

      But it wasn’t.

  • Jess

    The worst movie by far is Kabluey. The first hour was pretty much awkward silence.

  • jake

    Drop Dead Fred. It angered me.

    • Magda

      GASP! That was like my all time favorite video when I was a kid. Don;t ask me why. Its pretty weird. And doesn’t really say much about me… I was a weird kid. Case and point, I’m not sure why I said video instead of movie…. Just ignore me as I ramble on…

  • Chickalupe

    ‘THX-1138′, a George Lucas abomination. Inexcusably terrible film; it tries to be Mr. Lucas’ answer to ’1984′ by Orwell and ’2001: A Space Odyssey’ by Kubrick (with a little bit of ‘Logan’s Run’ thrown in there), but really all it succeeds in doing is being confusing and depressing. Unfortunately, I saw all of it, and I feel like I will never get those ninety-or-so minutes of my life back.

    A bleak ‘post-apocalyptic dystopian future’ type of story in which almost-identical actors with shaved heads wear white jumpsuits against all-white backgrounds. This may have seemed like a good idea to help convey the forced conformity of this future society; however, movies are a visual medium, and absolutely no scenes in this movie are in any way visually arresting. Lack of hair, clothing, expressions (…because, of course, they’re all being sedated…) or any other distinguishing features makes telling the characters apart almost impossible. Furthermore, at some points it becomes actually physically painful to watch, when the “white-on-white-on-white” blends together in one glaring solid mass that stabs into the viewer’s eyes from the screen.

    It’s not entertaining to look at, the plot is full of clichés that have already been done by those much better at it, and the characters at no time make the viewer want to care about them or their problems. All in all, by the time the last scene was over, I was left filled with confusion and anger; as, the whole way through, I had been waiting for it to get better. When the credits finally rolled, I was screaming, “THAT’S IT?! That’s all? What just happened to me?!?” at the screen. I’ve never quite gotten over the trauma, so I try to warn as many others as I can.

  • LaLa

    Ok, the worst movie of all time is The Box. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever watched. The scene where James Marsden if in the cube of water hovering over Cameron Diaz is just… what the hell is going on?!

    BUT! The best worst movie ever (totally different than the worst movie ever) is Tremors. It’s truly terrible. But I have seen it so many times and know all the lines. If you haven’t seen it go watch it right now. I’m telling you, best worst movie of all time.

  • Lisa

    The remake of House on Haunted Hill.

    The original is brilliant; the remake sucked hardcore. They tried to make it scarier by becoming more gruesome. And it failed. Utterly.

    I’d also like to point out the original Twilight movie was so bad it was awesome. Of course, I had set the bar extremely low for that atrocity, so I was just endlessly amused by it.

    • Eaglet

      Heh, I just saw the 3rd film and damn can no one act anymore?!

      I saw Taylor Lautner on SNL and the kid is actually funny but in the movie, I was blown away at how bad he was…

      Don’t even get me started on the other two…

  • MM

    Why oh why has nobody mentioned Troll 2? It is The Room of horror films, except worse/better.

    • tara

      I second this! It even has its own drinking game, with the Room you just throw spoons.

  • miinxi

    i once watched this one very late at night on SBS. Nothing will ever compare.

    Wild Zero (2000) – Combine a zombie outbreak (thanks to an alien invasion) with the coolest rock band in the world, and you get this bizarre Japanese movie from director Tetsuro Takeuchi. Ace (Masashi Endo) is a huge fan of the band Guitar Wolf (who play themselves), and he wants to be a rock ‘n roll legend just like his idols. But first, he’ll need to survive the zombie outbreak, win the love of the transgendered Tobio (Kwancharu Shitichai), and defeat the evil machinations of the Captain (Makoto Inamiya). The Captain, by the way, loves to wear hot pants and later gains the ability to shoot lasers from his eyes. Meanwhile, plenty of zombie heads explode, and fire seemingly shoots out of everything. We even get a few performances from Guitar Wolf when they’re not throwing guitar picks like shuriken or pulling samurai swords from their instruments. It’s a zombie movie. It’s a romance. It’s a helluva lot of fun.

  • Ross West

    Plan nine from outer space. When the flying saucers are clearly inverted pie plates hanging from a string, that’s pretty bad, but when you can clearly see the string?…………………………egad!!!

    • MM

      You humans are stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!

      I love Plan 9.

  • Danielle

    Adaptation. The Wicker Man. Bangkok Dangerous…

    and anything else with Nicolas Cage in it for that matter.

    except Con Air. Con Air was kind of badass.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      what about Raising Arizona?

      Also, few things make me happier than the Wicker Man adaptation.

  • Lolrus

    I’ve seen “Blueberella” by Uwe Boll. From the beginning till the end. God save my poor brain. That’s the worst movie of Uwe Boll. So it’s kind of ultimate crap.

  • Andie

    Worst film I ever saw was one called “Corrupt” with Harvey Keitel and John Lydon (that’s right, aka Johnny Rotten).

    About a sociopath who is blackmailing a corrupt cop. Only they never really tell you how he’s corrupt. And Lydon acts almost as well as he sings..

  • AmyB

    Worst Movie Ever: Bringing Out the Dead. Of course starring, who else, Nicholas Cage. Its like 3 hours long, although there is a spot about 2 hours in where everything wraps up and the screen goes black and everyone thinks its over, then it starts up again. I saw it in a theater for 50 cents and I wanted my 50 cents and 3 hours of my life back.

    Best Worst Movie Ever: Evil Dead II. We watched this every weekend in high school and loved to yell and make comments at it, like “I think I made this in my backyard when I was 10″ and “Oops, out of red blood, now lets throw some blue, ooh now green”. Its full of editing and continuity mistakes and the storyline is ridiculous. Definitely in the “so bad its good” category.

  • Hil

    The People Under the Stairs…1992 I think. Seriously, just watch it. Awful and so bleeping hilarious that I’m having college (from when we rented it…not QUITE that old) flashbacks of laughing so hard I puked (and I wasn’t drinking that night). Best Worst EVER.

    • Tia

      The new Nightmare on Elm Street…we walked right out of the theater because it really sucked big time. “Flubber” is also a horrible movie.

  • erin

    I might put this in the best-worst movie category, but still – Black Sheep. No, not the one with Chris Farley where he screws up his brother’s political campaign (and the film i *thought* i was DVRing late one night) but rather a film about zombie sheep in New Zealand. Yep. Zombie Sheep. It was a whole lotta wow.

  • Lisa Mccall

    The New Nighmare on Elm Street

  • lucygoosey74

    “kids” Just. Awful. And not in a “so bad it’s good way.”