• Sat, Aug 6 2011

You Need A Drink: Of Cold, Refreshing Pussy

Feeling rundown? Grab a refreshing can of Pussy! It’s energizing, powerful, and delicious. It’s…the juice from a vagina. And its makers don’t even try to pretend like it’s some cat-related double entendre. Via the drink’s promo materials:

The name Pussy shocks and demands attention — that’s the point. Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity. This is a premium energy drink named with confidence.

Well okay, then! Delving deeper into the drink’s website, pussydrinks.com, you will find a quote from Oscar Wilde (OH NO THEY DIDN’T): “Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.” Now, I’m no Wilde scholar, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t talking about vagina-themed energy drinks here. (Please correct me if I’m wrong.)

So what is actually in the stuff? I’ll tell you (emphasis theirs):

It is made with a blend of fresh white grape juice from Southern Italy, pressed Mexican limes and lightly carbonated water. These are then mixed with Grenadilla and Lychee flavours, infused with six selected botanical herbs.

Blah blah blah, I bet it tastes like cough syrup. Back to the amusing “About Us” page:

Pussy is spontaneous, entertaining, optimistic and fun. It’s a starting point. A moment when something happens and when things begin – Pussy starts conversations. It believes in having a good time as often as possible.

Pussy believes in bleeding once a month. Pussy pushes out babies, and occasionally gets infected. Pussy hates thongs and loves granny panties. Pussy itches when you don’t shave it for a week and those little stubbly hairs start poking through. Pussy quenches your thirst with many very delicious herbs and spices. Pussy.

(Via LA Weekly)

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  • Will

    im buying this shit.

  • Ash

    smdh. my friend says that the oscar wilde quote was probably referring to penis-themed drinks. yeah, I chose this dodo to be my friend.