• Tue, Aug 16 2011

In Defense of the Missionary Position

The missionary position has been maligned for years as the most boring way to get it on. Practically frowned upon by the modern pornography industry, the regulation sex style is viewed as the tedious fornication move of the bland, dowdy and unimaginative.

These days, savvy lovers supposedly opt for more exciting positions, like Saucy Spoons, Time Bomb, or the G-Spot Jiggy. Who knew a jiggy could be so kinky? Who knew “doggie style” could mean something other than erotic ass-sniffing? For all of their creativity and sport, these positions are usually awkward, strenuous and unsatisfying.

Obviously, missionary has become underrated! It’s not tame and monotonous — it’s romantic and efficient! It’s not uninteresting — it’s intense! But regardless of its sexual merit, the missionary position has gotten a bad wrap.

I’m here to re-brand the missionary position. Introducing… the Sex Classic. Is there anything more authentic than this ultimate romantic sex position? Lying in bed, his weight against you, eyes locked, humping and grinding — the classic. It’s been mankind’s good old standby throughout history. It’s been the go-to position of great love, great passion and great orgasms!

Of course, there are hot variations on the Sex Classic. Click “View Slideshow” to watch our friends newlyweds Kari Ferrell and Elliot Ensor demonstrate for TheGloss in their honeymoon motel room. (Congratulations you crazy, crazy kids. Don’t forget protection.)

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  • LilianS

    Number three is a killer!! LOL

  • The Bad Seed

    You “suggest a pedicure”??!! If either one of you is looking at your pedicure, then you’re doing something wrong.

    • Brandy Alexander

      But sometimes you want your feet to look good when you’re staring at them. Am I right, girls?

  • Penelope

    Ah, the Baby Maker, now that’s hot. Especially the post-sex modified headstand. One time I got my husband to grab my legs and shake them just to give the swimmers some ‘oomph’. Sex-ay!

  • Siylii

    Missionary style is great for women, but I can see how men might get ripped off. As you can see by most of the pictures above, the woman is just lying their with her limbs thrown out like she couldn’t care less that she’s being humped by a very attractive man.