Vatican Offers Expensive Amnesty Pilgrimage To Those Who’ve Had Abortions

Hey ladies! Have you had an abortion? Are you afraid you’re going to go to H-E-double hockey sticks for it? Do you believe the pope has magical deciding powers over these matters? Do you have a spare $500-$700 lying around? Well then, head on down to Madrid, Spain for the Vatican’s six-day-only Baby Killer Forgive-A-Thon!

That’s right, for only the price of a plane ticket, accommodations, food and probably some knickknacks, you too can obtain a get-out-of-hell free card, despite having committed a terrible murder in the eyes of God. I’d been hoping they’d bring indulgences back. They are so totally retro.

“But isn’t this why Martin Luther had beef with the Catholic church in the first place?” Jennifer asks. Um, duh! Clearly, ML was just jealous of all the cool hats, golden fineries, and peasant blood the priests were able to purchase with all that money. Plus, those people got to go to heaven. Win-win.

Act now, while supplies last! Or, as Amanda Marcotte at XXfactor points out, you could simply stop being a Catholic for the low price of free. You will no longer have to deal with the church’s hypocritical efforts to control female sexuality while covering up their own sexual abuse of children, and you won’t even have to go to hell, because guess what? There is no such thing.

Additionally, you won’t have to deal with all the protests going down at World Youth Day, which, judging from recent events in Spain, may or may not turn violent. You see, this particular country’s “world youth” are at 40% unemployment, and they’re not too stoked the government is spending valuable resources on a lavish celebration of a fairy tale while at the same time imposing harsh austerity measures on the middle and lower classes.

World Youth Day: come for the magical exemption from a non-existent place, stay for the violent clashes between police and protestors.

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    • August S.

      Do I think that much of Catholic dogma embraces the idea of women as the originators of sin, and does that make me uncomfortable? Yes.

      Do I think this offer exploits the feelings of guilt Catholiscism often fosters? Maybe.

      Do I agree with, instead of encouraging people to think critically about their religion and reconcile it with their personal morality, telling Catholics to just drop their faith because it’s not real? OH “FAKE PLACE” NO.

      I’m not Catholic, but I was personally offended by the dismissive and mocking way you spoke about a religion that offers millions of people hope and strength each day (regardless of the (to our eyes) misguided policies of this Papal administration). Any post that was as Pro-Catholic as this was Anti-Catholic would never have made it onto this site–the vitriolic and obvious bias of this piece was nauseating.

      Jamie, I don’t care if you believe in Jesus, Allah or The Flying Spaghetti Monster, but I believe in tolerance and respecting other people’s beliefs… and I don’t think this post had much of either.

    • Judy

      Catholicism offers the sacrament of confession to forgive all sins. It’s absolutely free, held at most churches one or two evenings a week, or by special arrangement with a call to the priest. This is not about forgiving a sin; it is about healing the women who feel that their sin is unforgivable.

      An attack like this on a non-Christian religion would be considered incredibly bigoted. The author of the post above me seems to be getting it right :)

      • A

        Fact! This is exactly what I was going to say.

        An amnesty pilgrimage is made to heal any guilt or wounds one may feel in the soul. You do this for personal reasons, not for fear of Hell.

        Also, an indulgence is not what it was in the days of Martin Luther. When he posted his 99 theses, an indulgence was something you could pay for to be granted full pardon of sins. Now, an indulgence is a pious act one can do personally, for free, in their own home. In doing this you’re freeing yourself from guilt through the merits of Christ and the Saints. In the case of confession, God has forgiven you. Indulgences are about forgiving yourself and further entering into Grace. Again, they’re not required, and you don’t pay for them; they’re personal acts of piety.

        You should do your homework before posting bigoted, insensitive articles like this. It shocks me how many people yell about tolerance and open mindedness, yet bash religions with abandon. You could make the argument that religious people do the same, but then you’re just validating what they do by doing the same thing on the opposite side of the fence. This mentality gets us nowhere.

        Fulton Sheen sums it up nicely, “There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church—which is, of course, quite a different thing. . . .”

    • Jamie Peck

      I fully reserve my right to mock any ideology that 1.) encourages people to live their lives based on a completely made up fairy tale, and 2.) uses said fairy tale to suppress human rights all over the world. SBT.

    • August S.

      Well that’s fine Jamie, as long as I can fully reserve the right to call you a bigot when you act like one.

      Look at us reserving things! We so fancy! Like a Renaissance Pope.

    • Melinda

      Lol… baby killer forgive-a-thon… That’s pretty much all it is. Personally, I think anyone that willfully kills their child should suffer with the guilt.