Real Talk: Ladies! Describe Your Ideal Porn Plot.

We asked the most lady-like ladies we know to describe the kind of plot that would make them watch porn. If we did not ask you it is because we think you are a slattern, but you are welcome to participate in this little game regardless.

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    • BeccaTheCyborg

      I would be soooo happy if Helena was given a studio and a large budget. Just sayin’.

    • macalny

      I don’t get why women were asked about their favorite porn plot when men were just asked about their favorite kind of porn. Why must women need a plot but men don’t? Lame stereotypes. I don’t watch porn for the plot, I watch for the sex, plain and simple. This post irks me for playing into the assumption that women can’t be visually aroused and must need some sort of story and reason (other than that it gets them off for what it is) for watching porn. Sad day, Gloss.

      • Canaduck

        I agree with you completely. A lot of these read like a movie (maybe even a good movie) but nothing like porn.

      • Vixen

        I agree 100%. I don’t like plots to my porn, I just want to see them bang. I don’t really care how it came to be that they’re doing it!

    • Olivia

      I agree with Beatrix completely. I’ve always had a fantasy involving robin hood, I’d love to see a porno where he rescues maid Marion after steeling back taxes from the government and then they just have crazy mind-blowing sex in the forest while little John keeps watch. And actually, I’m not a furry, but it’d be pretty hot for them to be the animated characters they were in the Disney movie. Best sequel ever

    • CharcoalPencils

      Kind of like Olivia and Helena, I’d be so into a period piece – like porno BBC. There’d be all that delicious can’t-have-eachother-ness because of Society and strict chaperones and Wuthering Heights-type landscapes, only instead of the symbolic kissing you get in real literature, there’d be the hottest, most sensual sex scenes ever. Please, a Heathcliff or a Mr.Rochester in there? I’d be done for.

      • Ellen W.

        Did Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickmen do nude scenes in their prime? Or recently, I don’t really care.

    • Alexis

      Helena, we have the same dream! I think you would enjoy reading erotica if you don’t already.

    • Ellen2

      I totally agree with Ellen. I hate porn that looks like it was made in someones bedroom. I want it to be a movie. It doesn’t have to be a huge-budget and storyline type movie, but if t supposed to take place in a fire hall, it should be filmed in one.
      My favorite plots for porn are babysitter/husband porn. I just like thenidea of a loose high school girl because I was always such a prude in high school.

      • Blue

        “My favorite plots for porn are babysitter/husband porn. I just like thenidea of a loose high school girl because I was always such a prude in high school.”

        That’s mine too! I like the idea of a young, “innocent” seducing the older guy. The best would be if she would have him rub lotion on her back…

    • mel

      for me, my ideal porn plot should involves a lot of kissing…passionate kissing, not just some gross exchanging tongue… and no silly screaming that hurting my ears and making me winching every time i heard them scream

    • MM

      I’m imagining Helena’s idea as an HBO-style miniseries, like the Tudors but in a different period and with more sex. AND IT ROCKS.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Fine, I’m Helena. Should I just take this thing to kickstarter?

    • Fantasy

      Nothing would turn me on and make me more ecstatic than seeing a man…

      … doing all the mundane crap women do every day… fold the laundry, then…*gasp*…put it AWAY, actually change the toilet paper roll rather than sit the new roll on top of the used up one still on the bar, mop the floors knowing the cat’s gonna throw up again soon & your spouse is about to obliviously drop 1/2 their meal on it, you get the drift. When they’re done with that, they can spend the rest of their already depleted energy on shaving 90% of their body hair, slathering on lotion & self-tanner, blow drying their long hair that their spouse would pitch a toddler fit over if it ever got cut, straighten said long hair, apply make-up, pick out the perfect “I wanna be your personal slut” lingerie, then quiver with multiple orgasms with the slightest touch to their elbow.

      • Schloimy

        aND THIS IS WHY YOU’RE UNSATISFIED.

    • Rosa

      Cara, I am SO GLAD that you mentioned Stoya and James Deen…because they seem like really cool people in real life (which I know because I stalk them on Twitter).

    • Eileen

      A regular movie/tv show. Only with porn.