• Fri, Aug 19 2011

Best Need-An-Apartment Craigslist Ad Ever

How about this guy? He posted what might be the best ever Craigslist ad looking for a place to live (or the worst, depending on your taste).

The guy is apparently from Alabama, lived in New York for a while, decided that New York was a “stinky shit-hole” (ah, I just lost all of you at the B5 office, didn’t I?), moved back to Alabama, and then got a job in San Fran. Here’s a little excerpt:

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I’m a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That’s right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I’m moving there in 3 weeks, so I don’t give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I’m just like, “Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it’s not mine.”

It goes on for another five paragraphs or so, with the young man explaining that his dad is a chef so he can cook meat or vegetarian dishes, and that he plays guitar, will pick stuff up for you when you need it, is not racist (“A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from Alabama. Are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no.”) and doesn’t care if you have more than four walls, a floor and a ceiling in which to house him. It’s pretty awesome. I’d live with him.

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  • Lea

    I know he needs a roommate…but how about a wife?
    I need to marry this dude.

    • Kacie

      Seriously.

  • Olivia

    The ad says he likes to get baked and listen to pink floyd, loves Vonnegut, takes up a small amount of space, and is willing to buy me beef jerky. These are the type of men who need to stare in rom-coms.

  • Kat

    I like him

  • B

    At first I was like, “Please. Please don’t sleep in my bathtub.”

    But then I was won over by “Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it’s not mine.”

  • mel

    hahah….i’d live with him

  • Laura

    love his attitude, but it’s bit too much swearing for my taste