• Fri, Sep 2 2011

Fictional Relationships That Would Have Failed In Real Life

It’s nice the way, as a child, you’re taught to believe that the impossible is possible. You believe that you can be a professional basketball player even if you’re only 5 feet. You believe that time travel is very close to being mastered (I still believe this, I have to because otherwise life would be too bleak). You believe that there was a chance, even a tiny chance, that Mario and Princess Peach could have made their relationship work. There never was, kiddo. There never was. In fact, there are a lot of pairings that would have been doomed in real life. For instance:

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  • August S.


    …unless he ends up with the sultry lady-jailbird dog. She was awesome, as was her epic side-bang.

  • Baker Girl

    YEAH!!!!!! long live the Epic side bang singing doggie!!! Did she even have a name?????

  • Edi

    I think Link & Zelda are the classic bad video game relationship. Poor boy from the forest, magical princess getting into trouble she can’t handle. Link fights for her again and again, never getting a damn thing while she usually sits in Hyrule Castle and doesn’t get her hands dirty. What is that crap?!

  • Kj

    Man, Pepe LePew and Fifi… even when I was 5 I knew that shiz was just all wrong.

  • Joshua Thirteen

    Bert and ernie don’t even exist from the waist down. Get over it.