Say Yes To The Mess: What Is The Point Of Male Strippers?

The phenomenon of hiring a male stripper to celebrate your impending nuptials is a hard one to explain. I, for one, do not quite understand the void that it fills in the life of the soon to be married woman. In fact, if aliens arrived on this planet and the first thing they encountered was a greased up naked man tossing around a group of women, they would probably annihilate the lot of us, for being a superfluous species.

As evidence, I present exhibit A: the photo at the top of this post.

And yet, women continue to enlist oiled up muscle heads to entertain them at bachelorette parties, so clearly I am missing something. I had a strict No Penis Policy at my own bachelorette party, a theme which one of my friends pointed out may have gone too far when we ended up at a strip club with topless ladies dancing around for us early Sunday morning.

But to be honest, female strippers just make more sense to me than male strippers.  They’re (usually) hot ladies who take their clothes off while (mostly) men watch. Men are highly visual beings, and there are actually a surprising number of body types on stage at the strip clubs I’ve been to. At “10s”, the strip club we ended up at this weekend, the hottest dancer was a pixie chic from Brazil with no boobs. But also, female strippers are a sort of unattainable fantasy that patrons are allowed to graze with their fingertips and oggle for small (or large) deposits of cash moneyz.

Male strippers are much different. For starters, I’m sure some women lust after bare chested juice heads. But most don’t. And that is the standard model male stripper that arrives at your door for bacheloretting. In fact, after an unscientific poll of B5 Media’s offices in New York, I would say that scrawny male strippers would fare better if they looked like scrawny bespectacled dudes who asked about our feelings. (To the staff of N+1: I think I just figured out a working business model for you. Call me.)

Simply put, women aren’t as visual about their desires as men are. I think I can prove this with a simple comparison. Men love magazines filled with scantily clad women. This fact has kept Hugh Hefner wandering around a mansion in his pajamas for the last six decades. Women? Not so much. This is probably why Playgirl is a magazine for gay men.

All of that might also explain why male strippers don’t just dance for their patrons. Often times they toss women in the air, rub themselves on their privates and bend them into positions and shapes that resemble terrible yoga poses. If women weren’t paying for the pleasure of such treatment, these things would likely be considered criminal in a court of law.

According to Article Online Directory, here’s what you can expect when hiring a male stripper:

  • Fully choreographed performances
  •  Comedic sketches
  •  Acrobatics
  • Dance routines
  • A diverse group of entertainers
  • Costumes to meet any desire
  • Theatrics

That sounds more like a gay cabaret show than anything involving my sexual fantasies.

And yet, women continue to pay for the pleasure of being swung around by these men before their friends get married. Apparently, it is hilarious. I’ve never seen a live male stripper. All I know is this:

My sister once went to a bachelorette party, and because she was the tiniest girl in attendance, the stripper decided to give her all his attention. Which is kind of fucked up, but whatever. Instead of giving her a lapdance, he proceeded to toss her around the stage and swing her around. He did this so forcefully that he lost his grip at one point. And dropped her on her head.

No, thank you sir. If you really want some comedy to accompany your bachelorette party, I feel like there are easier ways to get it. But here’s what I know about female strippers:

They are so soft. Honestly, I almost regret giving this idea away, but someone needs to create and market a “stripper grade” body lotion STAT. They will make billions of dollars.

Oh, and I may have gotten a lapdance from one at my bachelorette party last weekend.

And we talked about where she’s from (Brazil, duh!) and how long she’s been in this country. Which is probably not what you’re supposed to do with a stripper. But it was still way more fun than hiring a male stripper. In my book.

 Meghan Keane is getting married in October. This column is helping her cope. 

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    • matbo

      “Simply put, women aren’t as visual about their desires as men are.” This is a horrible myth, that has really been proven or unproven…but what you’re telling me is that I can’t enjoy a naked, muscular man, just for the kicks? I like men and buts and eyes and the way their body moves.

      The problem with male stripping is not that the act in itself is undesirable for women to look at, no the problem is rather that the market is comparably smaller (because of the kind of new “equality” thing) and that men’s bodies are viewed as “funny” rather than sexy.

      Women are so brainwashed into thinking that women are sexual object to be admired and lusted after that we’d rather look at other women sexually rather than the sex we’re actually attracted to.

      • Ben

        ^Ridiculous, and hilarious. I love that any idea that goes against what you’ve learned on Jezebel is a result of “brainwashing,” and not a natural evolution of desire or pursuit.

        You’re right! Women love looking at naked men all the time! I’m sure you’ve thought about 10 hard penises today and plan on just staring at some when you get home. JUST STARING.

      • matbo

        As a matter of fact I do imagine what most men I meet I meet would look like naked. I think the penis is fascinating.

        I just find it odd that people truly believe that women have evolved to have no desire what-so-ever…Why don’t women have a “natural evolution of desire or pursuit.”? I’m honestly curious? Do you not believe women want sex…and if that is the case how inhuman do you have to be that you force us to go against our very nature?

      • Amanda Gun

        Yes! Thank you for making this point. I’m a woman, and I love looking at hot people. The problem is that most male strippers just don’t fit into my personal idea of attractive. It’s not that I’m disgusted by them or find them hilarious, I’m just not into oiled up muscle dudes.

        I can’t really say anything about your last point since I’m bisexual, and thus looking at naked women does fall into the category of “the sex I’m actually attracted to” :> But I do find it sad sometimes when straight women say that women are much more attractive to look at. If I was a straight man and got to hear that all the time, I think I would get mightily discouraged.

      • Amanda Gun

        And as for Ben’s point: it seems you’re making the mistake of equating a naked man with just his penis. No, close-ups of someone’s genitals are generally not that fun to look at (I can’t speak for other women, but anecdata tells me I can at least try). Close-ups of ANY body part are not that fun for me; some kind of context generally helps.

    • Meghan Keane

      matbo,
      I implore you to enjoy a naked, muscular man, just for the kicks. I’m not saying that’s not possible. It is definitely!

      But men in general enjoy strip clubs more than women do – in general. Maybe that’s partially because we’re brainwashed. But I also think that the “type” of men who tend to be strippers tend to be the wrong type for most women. And I’m still confused by whoever instructed male strippers to toss women in the air as entertainment. Being dropped on my head is not my idea of a good/sexy time.

      • Jamie Peck

        I just read this! Key word: “in general.” I think the original post could’ve been taken in a bit of a gender essentializing way. The ladies of Candy Rain would disagree with you, and so would I.
        http://thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/candy-rain-magazine-flips-the-script-on-male-raunch-culture/

        If there were androgynous male strippers with glasses and tattoos, I would surely be at the club every night. Okay, well maybe not every night, but I would certainly go…more than never.

    • dora

      actually, i’m honestly curious why you are arguing anyone thinks women don’t want sex, matbo. where are you coming up with this?

    • ashmoth

      Male strippers are just a weird dynamic. It is just easier to see how a topless club would be more fun. I can’t get all worked up over guys who are puffy and shiny and are paid to be looked at. Yuk. Maybe a young Hugh Grant who would be able to discuss Jane Austen – totally hot!

    • gary

      Good on you Meghan. Very refreshing to hear a classy lady for a change. So many women are acting appalling it is a sign of the times but it is no wonder so many girls (including the decent ladies) are having a tough time finding Mr. Right to put a ring on their finger and stand with them for the rest of their life.
      When so many guys are seeing the media blitz of women hiring male strippers and acting lecherous they are being force fed the idea that there are so many easy women out there and they get the idea they would be a fool to themselves to commit to one woman too early when there is ten round the corner gagging for it (not that they have any respect for them). Sorry for the brutal words but I can assure you the statistics are proving this correct and will continue to do so. It’s a pleasure to see young ladies like yourself tell it like it is. Your flying the flag for the decent ones that are left and they should be grateful for you words.

      • susie

        I banish thee back to the troll land from which you have sprung!
        Be gone foul beast!

    • cherry

      In my town the male revue shows are different before the shows the dancers come out and talk and mingle with the patrons and even play games i don’t about you but i rather look at a muscle bound man with a 10-12inch penis than a couple of double d’s any day or nite hell! I can feel my on soft skin and look at my on double d’s for that!

    • Teskomanri

      These are Terrible male stripers…. Look up bolo
      And other male stripers in that categori.. Ur crazi …. The best femal stripers and the best male stripers going head to head…. It would be a good battle butt male stripers win …. I’m Gona b one soon…. Female stripers are up there as far as appeal .. But when it comes to dancing and highest sex appeal …. Buck wild bulk and thickness wins …. Male stripers are gods