Your Daily Reminder That Skinny Equals Perfect, Brought To You By Neuro Trim

Were you aware that you weren’t perfect, you fat slob? Neuro Trim is. But fortunately, when you drink Neuro Trim, it implies that you will become perfect! Which is weird, because I thought Neuro Trim was just a weight loss supplement, not a perfection manufacturing potion. That said, here are some things I imagine will do to make me “perfect”:

1) Make me real good at dealing with lepers

2) Make me speak so clearly that taxi drivers will stop accusing me of lying about my own address

3) Finally, I will dance like Nureyev, not sway back and forth awkwardly on the balls of my feet

4) People will be impressed when I do my Nureyev dance, no one will think it’s weird, I’ll be that good

5) I’ll finally have the mental and emotional capacity to open my heart and mind and construct the time machine I’ve always dreamt of. (My psyschiatrist says that I’m actually good with time machines, it’s just the cardboard boxes I’ve been trying to construct them out of have too much baggage).

 

Nureyev

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