• Thu, Oct 13 2011

The Guy Who Hacked Scarlett Johansson’s Phone Claims He Became Addicted To Snooping

Here’s one nice thing about living in this day and age: if you get arrested for doing something embarrassing, you don’t have to claim any responsibility — you can just say you did it because you’re an addict. Poor you! You’re not a perv, or a creep, or a thief, or an adulterer — you are unwell.

The latest person in the news to cry addiction is the guy who hacked into ScarJo’s phone and plastered naked pictures of her on the internet. Christopher Chaney, 35, has now told the world that what began as — what, an innocent hobby? — quickly escalated to something he couldn’t control. According to People:

In a new interview, Chaney, 35, says he became “addicted to seeing the behind-the-scenes” lives of the stars and that he felt “almost relieved months ago” when authorities seized his computer.

Now, look — before you go thinking that I’m unsympathetic to addicts, you should probably know that I say this for the exact opposite reason. I’m very sympathetic to people with addictions, and in fact count several among my loved ones, and that’s why people like Chaney piss me off so much. Because there’s a difference between knowing you’re not supposed to do something and doing it anyway — that’s called “being immature” and “not having impulse control” — and having an addiction. There are people out there who actually struggle with addiction. They actually have something akin to a disease, that they actually can’t control.

You know who probably doesn’t have an addiction? Christopher Chaney. Also, Tiger Woods.

The empty cry of “I’m addicted!” shouldn’t be the go-to defense for anyone who exhibits unacceptable behavior, particularly in cases like this. Because what, exactly, was Chaney addicted to? Guessing other people’s passwords and then posting their photos online? I don’t think that’s the kind of rush that would satisfy most addicts. Sorry. Time to man up, admit you did something wrong, and accept the consequences.

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