When someone mentioned there was an absolutely idiotic piece on XOJane about pharmacies being out of Plan B, I took notice, because I love Plan B. Plan B is a pill that, if taken within 72 hours of having unprotected sex, vastly decreases your risk of becoming pregnant. I believe in Plan B. “Get It Together” The post title prompted? Yes! I would get it together! I would personally picket to insure that pharmacies were fully stocked! If I could find time! Probably not! Honestly, I figured I’d just write a post backing them up, and talking about how terrific Plan B is.
Because every time a character on television has unprotected sex I adamantly encourage them – from my sofa – to go get Plan B. I’m very difficult to watch episodes of Sex and the CityÂ with, and was absolutely impossible to watch the sequel to That-Movie-Where-The-Pants-Travel with.Â And in this instance – having read only XO Jane’s headline about pharmacies being out of Plan B - I loudly declared to the person who mentioned the articleÂ that I had taken Plan B and it was a Godsend.
“Jen,” this person replied, “you took Plan B once. When you forgot a pill by a few hours. Which you’re allowed to do without any risk of pregnancy. The only thing that proves is that you’re insane.”
“But,” I replied, “What if Plan B had not been available?”
“Well,” they said, “you’d probably haveÂ lapsed into a wild state of neurosis, had a hysterical pregnancy, and, even once you were told that the pregnancy was not real, you’d have beenÂ so determined to go through with it, goddammit, thatÂ you would force your body to Â cobble together a baby out of kidney-stones and gallbladders and phlegm. And you’d currently be trying to get it into Spence.”
That is silly, of course. Little Smeagolina is enrolled at Hewitt, where she is understood and appreciated.
Still. If only for my peace of (sometimes irrationally worried) mind, I love that Plan B exists. I find great relief in knowing that I – that all women – have access to it, in the event that we do make mistakes and have the occasional lapse in judgement. And hey, who doesn’t have a lapse in judgement once and a while? We all mess up sometimes! Yay for back-up plans! (Have I mentioned that staring into Smeagolina’s sparklingÂ kidney-stone eyes hasÂ given me new insight into what it means to be understanding? She’s mellowed me, is what she’s done.)
And then I read the actual article.
The problem is not that there is not enough Plan B.Â The problem isÂ that the author is an idiot.
She is an idiot because she has sex and Plan B is the only protection she uses.
This must seem like a harsh judgement! Perhaps she has a vagina that is allergic to absolutely everything. Let’s look at the reason Cat Marnell has chosen to only use Plan B instead of any of the following methods such as (Cat’s statements are in italics)…