• Wed, Oct 19 2011

Real Talk: Men Tell Us If They Want To Date Funny Women

What’s the first thing you hear women say they want in a man? “A great sense of humor.” What’s the first thing men say they want in a woman? Umm, not that. “Great tits” seemingly ranks higher than that (we’ve established long ago the number of friends I have who are kind of douchebags). Which is why books like The Rules say that when you make jokes you are just looking for approval in a way that makes you seem desperate. Being funny makes you pathetic, ladies!

(Incidentally, this is probably the most depressing real talk we’ve ever done.)

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  • alexandra

    “The only reason I date anymore is to have stories to entertain my friends with”

    DEAR GOD.

    • D

      Haha, wow, that dude’s pathetic. Probably doesn’t get a lot of dates so it’s really just a tale of “sour grapes”.

  • Dev

    As an aspiring female comedy writer I find these incredibly infuriating. I can’t even make a joke about it.

    “Funniness is stereotypically a male trait, not a female trait.”/”I want a girlfriend who is going to support me.” I get it. “Humor” must be something secreted from the prostate. Time to stop fighting nature. Damn you, lady bits! Oh no, an unknown force is pulling me to the kitchen…. Sammiches and beer!… Wedding dress patterns… Babies!…. NOOOOOOO…..

    • Alle Malice

      YOGURT AND SHOES, GIRLFRIEND!

    • Ashley Cardiff

      DID SOMEONE SAY YOGURT?! IS IT FROZEN???

  • porkchop

    Are they joking?

    Maybe these men have never experienced humor except in the form of racist jokes and Steve-o getting bathed in s***, and I can certainly understand not wanting those things from your girlfriend.

    Or maybe they worry that a smart and hilarious woman would make them realize they kind of want to f*** Jon Stewart.

    • Lu

      Clearly, this is right on, because:

      Henry
      The thing is, people who are funny tend to be pretty mean. It’s part of humor. I like that in my friends, but I want a girlfriend who is going to support me.

      As in, the only forms of ‘humor’ he has experienced are the kind where someone is being directly shamed or targeted. So, not necessarily racist jokes or Steve-o, but definitely at BEST similar copout funnies.

  • matbo

    I’m gonna focus on the positive here. Gregory’s answer was good…though IMO feet are kinda funny.

    Also my boyfriend thinks I’m hilarious, not in a like telling really good jokes kind a way more like in a saying random things plus have the ability to keep a conversation rolling and fun and engaging.

  • Emily W.

    These guys, man… I don’t think they even realize that they probably prefer funny women over non-funny women. Maybe “funny” isn’t exactly the right word? Perhaps “witty” is better. Being witty is a sign of intelligence and it’s safe to say that intelligent men prefer intelligent women. I’ve talked to several men in my life and a sense of humor and the ability to make witty, humorous remarks is a trait they greatly admire in their current and/or future partners.

  • A

    If I lie naked in the yard with leaves over my nether regions, he’ll want to date me, right? Cause I have drinks tonight with this guy and I need to know if I should do that or jeans.

    • MR

      What kind of jeans? I was going to answer ‘did I find it easier for a woman that was making love with me, have an orgasm when she was wearing high heels’. But this is more interesting.

  • Sarah

    YUCK who wrote this about ladies not being funny? Well then, have fun with Rosy Palmer and her 5 friends. I bet you don’t know to wash your butt hole yet.

  • sarah

    i think you wrote such a dumb article so you could get comments. nice. good job.

    also i don’t date dumb men who don’t get humor or know how to wash their butthole.

  • Eric

    You know what kind of guys don’t like funny women? Unfunny guys. Particularly guys who THINK they are funny. Personally, I’ve dated women just for their ability to one-up me. And I’ve dumped women because I couldn’t take explaining yet another joke. Want to see a grown man get an instant crush? Have me watch a good female comic.

    • Robyn

      Word.

    • heather

      My husband is the same way – we both love that our senses o humour are the same and spend a tonne of time laughing over jokes that we build up together.

      I’ve never understood this whole competing with your spouse. Dating a dumb guy doesn’t make me look smarter. Dating an unattractive guy doesn’t make me look any better. It’s basically an illusion. I’d way rather be with someone who has a similar sense of humor, who I think is hot and smart etc. There are so many opportunities for competition out there – why compete with your own spouse?

  • Jen

    You’re right. These are depressing.

    But seriously, what the fuck is Fred’s deal? JEEESH!

    • Jenny

      Yeah, Fred is an asshole. He probably has a small penis. *zing*

  • roseyv

    It’s interesting that even among the men who consider it “acceptable” for a woman to have “a sense of humor,” virtually all of them seem to define “having a sense of humor” as “finding ME funny.” It’s amazing — none of them even specifically draws the distinction. They seem to simply assume that that was the intent of the question. A “funny” woman is a woman with enough of a sense of humor to be able to laugh at the things he says.

    I’ve made this point like, a zillion times in real life, but it’s still pretty distressing to see it proven yet again.

    • Fabel

      Yeah, I read somewhere once that the way men & women define “sense of humor” is completely different. Women=he tells jokes that make me laugh! Men=she laughs at my jokes!

  • Tobi

    Fred is just…ew.

  • Eileen

    I’m really confused by the picture of Tina Fey. Where’s it from?

  • Sarah

    oh i just realized a gal wrote this… i thought i was a dude that wrote this and i was going to go all ballistic on him and rip him a new one for being so stupid…

  • Sarah

    oh i just realized a gal wrote this… i thought IT was a dude that wrote this and i was going to go all ballistic on him and rip him a new one for being so stupid…

  • Amy

    Humour is a male trait? What?
    Who wants to bet that Fred’s single? And also a ‘Nice Guy’™ ?

  • Lemons

    Double sad: Almost every time you see a (famous) woman applauded for her comedic skill, she is posed “sexy.” Because funny women only matter if they’re also sexy, so the funny part can be subsumed into the sexiness. See the above photos, which I’m sure the eds. chose because they are sad about this, too.

  • Malia Doren

    I found this bit interesting. I think guys want a girl with a sense of humor, but having a sense of humor and being funny are two completely different things. Having a sense of humor pretty much means being able to laugh. Being funny means making other people laugh and also being able to laugh.

    As an aspiring comedy writer, I’ve only dated comedians (go figure) and besides being completely screwed up in the head, they tend to see funny girls as competition. Especially also because we are way cuter than them. Men just feel threatened by a woman who’s smarter than him, because to be funny you have to be smart.

    Yeah, it does kind of suck that even though Poehler, Fey and Wiig are funny but on camera have to be sexy. But we have that going for us as women, why not use it? Funny girls who are also pretty/sexy just have the whole package, and I think the hilariousness makes them even sexier.

    • Eileen

      I see your point, but I still think it sucks more than it is advantageous. Men who are famous for being funny are seen as attractive because they are funny. It’s an added bonus if they’re good looking, but no one’s forcing it. Whereas with women, it seems to be that the “being funny” part is the added bonus to a good looking woman (think Esquire‘s “Funny Joke Told by a Beautiful Woman” feature). Using Tina Fey as an example, she was funny for years, but she didn’t get on camera until she lost a bunch of weight. And then when she got her own show, she seriously glammed up her hair, makeup, and wardrobe. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to look more attractive, but funny men aren’t expected to be sexy for their looks the way that funny women are. Just being funny is considered sexy enough.

  • Nicole

    “The thing is, people who are funny tend to be pretty mean. It’s part of humor. I like that in my friends, but I want a girlfriend who is going to support me.”

    CAN WE NOT BE BOTH FUNNY AND SUPPORTIVE?! (The answer is yes.) And I agree, this Real Talk was depressing. :(

  • Crystal

    I kind of agree with the funny/mean comparison. Those genuinely nice, super-caring, very maternal types tend to have less of a sense of humor than the average person. A lot of jokes do require someone to mock, or gently berate. And while you can certainly be funny without resorting to even the vaguest of insults, it really limits your humor options.

    Of course you can be relatively nice and obscenely hilarious. But I’ve never seen someone obscenely nice and obscenely hilarious.

    • G

      Self-deprecating humor; you gently berate yourself. But there’s a fine line between being self deprecating and being debbie downer.

  • Elizabeth

    I once dated an absolutely hilarious guy. It was kind of like how I imagine dating Jerry Lewis would be. In the end, though, I broke up with him and married a Dean Martin. Now I get to be the funny one, and life is much more fun.

  • Marie

    OUCH! That truly hit me! I am a funny woman. I mean i have a great sense of humor and it is just devastating to know that men find it “not so funny.” Okay so men tend to give the most expensive Tiffany Key Rings to those women with big tits that those sensible ones. What a life!

    • Tamina

      I know this is nearly a year late, but I’d like to put my oar in and say: as a woman with very big tits (and a damn good sense of humour), it’d be nice if a part of my body was not used as a shorthand for dumb, slutty, irritating, pandering or submissive. Particularly in response to a middling feminist article.

      kthxbai

  • R

    just commenting to say you should never ever put sarah silverman on an article about being funny. especially alongside the goddess amy poehler.

  • Liv

    I am a funny young woman. I have tried over and over to be sweet, maternal and reserved, but my filthy, hateful, outlandish mouth gets the best of me. I admit I am not covered in sugar and spice. I get into more fights with door frames and stairs than most people will actual fight for real. I am brash, witty and a total button pusher. But then again I enjoy a challenge. I have dated all men with amazing sense of humor but none of them are funny. When we go out of the two of us I am always the one cracking the table out. I say crude and sometimes offensive things, but it is never directed at anyone in particular I just enjoy pushing the limit of acceptance. The men I date tend to be more reserved in their humor and love that I am a challenge and funny. Granted we have not worked out, but I am not ready to settle down and they wanted more from me than I was willing to give. I think there are men who love funny women, I know there are I have gone out with them!

    • Michael

      I’d love to talk to you nasty mouth