• Fri, Oct 21 2011

Why Diane Keaton Thinking Woody Allen Had ‘A Hot Body’ Is Good News For You

If you are a single woman, in New York, eventually someone will suggest you go out with a “Woody Allen type.”

What they are saying, without saying it, is that this is man you will probably not find physically attractive. You will see this man and you will quietly mutter to your friend “he’s not really my type” if he is, in fact, not your type.

Your friend will look at you as though you are overlooking the obvious. After all, he will be deep and attuned to life’s sadnesses in ways that will make you a better person for dating him. What are broad shoulders when you can have someone who can make jokes!? Dark jokes! Kind of sad jokes that will make you think about humanity. And feel sad about humanity, a lot of the time, if you’re watching Match/Point. Less so Love and Death. We digress!

This is painted as a noble endeavor becuse, sure, he might not be someone you initially want to have sex with, but when you sit under the Brooklyn Bridge you’ll really feel it, you know? People do not point out that sitting by the Brooklyn Bridge gets sort of boring after 15 minutes or so. It’s a bridge. It’s nice and all, it’s good for sunsets, but there’s only so much you get out of it.

But Diane Keaton got it and, Diane Keaton is the coolest! She opted for a Woody Allen-type. Who wouldn’t want to be like Diane Keaton in Annie Hall? Just wearing all kinds of bowler hats and vests and cracking wise and being amazingly attractive. Obviously, she was able to overlook the fact that Woody Allen wasn’t physically attractive, because Diane Keaton is the kind of excellent person that only sees into people’s souls. Don’t you want to be like that?

So you go out with the Woody Allen-type because Diane Keaton is cool, and for some reason it’s been commonly accepted that going out with a Woody Allen-type makes you seem deep (though it bears noting women everywhere all still waiting for the female equivalent of the Woody Allen type). And hey, maybe saying “I’d really just like to date a guy who played lacrosse and can say “I love you” without following it up with “insofar as one human being can love another and if that word – and what is a word? – has any meaning” DOES seem shallow by comparison.

But, good news! GOOD NEWS EVERYONE. You’re not as shallows as Diane Keaton! Who, when asked what attracted her to Woody Allen didn’t say “his sense of humor” or “his appreciation of angst” or “me being a really good person.” This is what she said:

“He was even better-looking in real life. He had a great body, and he was physically very graceful”

She just thought he was hot.

And just like that – you’re free! You’re not shallow for wanting to date someone six feet tall. At least, you’re not any shallower than Diane Keaton who was just in it for the looks! DIANE KEATON JUST HAS UNTRADITIONAL TASTES. Their love affair had nothing to do with her profound understanding the meaning of inner beauty! I mean, maybe it did eventually, but really? Just attracted to him because she thought he was hot. And now, whenever friends try to set you up with “deep guys” you don’t think you’d have much desire to sleep with, you can just say “I just don’t feel about him the way Diane Keaton felt about Woody Allen.”

 

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  • porkchop

    In addition to being funny, Woody mixes vulnerability with charm, which is DEADLY. You know those hot guys who are always saying they are shy around women, and every woman falls for it? That is huge game. The hugest game. Since Woody is so f***ing clever, God made him weird looking just to protect him from actually drowning in girls.

    I can see why she would say that. I’m sure she went from “hello” to post-coital cigarette so fast that it would just sound stupid to say it was his personality. But it was.

  • Jamie Peck

    I am also into skinny little nebbishy guys. There’s something super hot about them. My current dude is six feet tall and toned, but he’s a great guy, so I’m able to look past it.

  • MR

    Saying it another way. How about Keaton and Allen vs Keaton and Pacino? She’s an intelligent, beautiful and very classy woman. Hence, her comments about Woody. But to me, given the two visuals, she just looks more complete with Pacino. Also she made Pacino.