• Fri, Oct 28 2011

My Own Slut-O-Ween Story: Sexy Wonder Woman

Slut-o-ween costumes come and go, but nothing beats a time-honoured classic – the sexy superhero. Being a self-confessed attention whore, I decided that I was going to go big or go home, and followed in the venerable (and somewhat less venerable) steps of the likes of Lynda Carter, Rachel Bilson and Kim Kardashian by taking on Wonder Woman.

I didn’t start out intending to not wear pants. My search began at a costume hire shop, but I quickly realised that that was not going to be the answer, with the yellowing pit stains and everything smelling
faintly of feet (even the things that are not shoes – seriously, how does that happen?) gravely offending my OCD sensibilities. My next port of call was eBay – but pre-made costumes are EXPENSIVE, you guys! What’s a penniless college student got to do except to get crafty and make her own?

The bustier I crafted from a dress I found for $2 at a second-hand shop, and the gold accents and accessories from the discount bin at the fabric store, all held together with an obscene amount of boob
tape. Hiring boots were out of the question (because OTHER PEOPLE’S FEET) so red patent heels had to do. Blue satin hotpants festooned with stars, however, were not so forthcoming on my limited budget and even more limited sewing skills. An extensive search later, I found myself with a bottle of white fabric paint and the tiniest pair of navy blue boylegs I reckoned I could wear in public without breaking indecent exposure laws.

I did have my apprehensions about going sans pants at first, along the lines of what if I get the most horrendous camel toe and it is immortalised in photographs forever and ohmigod is everyone staring at my stretch marks and cellulite and did I miss a patch when I was shaving the back of my legs AURGH.

But you know what? Did Lynda Carter spend the whole of the 70s worrying about cellulite? (No, because that bitch had a slamming body and the whole camel toe situation under control, but that’s another story.) If I was going to do Wonder Woman, then goddammit I was going to do Wonder Woman right. Pasty white legs and cellulite be damned, I was going to be pantsless and I was going to own every minute of it. Lady Gaga, watch your back…

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