• Mon, Oct 31 2011

Real Talk: How Old Were You When You Lost Your Virginity?

Here’s a quick informal Real Talk for you: how old were you when you decided it was time to have sex? Funny thing, everyone seems to think they were a “late bloomer” regardless of when they actually lost their virginity.

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  • traci

    wow! i feel bad! i was 15. barely. i turned 15 in december and it was february. he was 18. yeah he is now a trangendered “escort/porn star ” on the vegas strip.

    • matbo

      Damn I really hate these awesome stories. Mine was when I was 18. He was a baker. He’s still a baker. He was cheating on his girlfriend at the time though. Which just makes my story even more depressing.

    • N

      That’s ok. I was 16 and I later found out that he was cheating on his boyfriend. Later I found out that he joined a seminary. I never heard how that worked out.

    • Nancy

      Wow! I turned 15 in December and lost my virginity that February, too!! Weird. He’s not transgendered though, but I broke up with him because a friend caught him spying on a prostitute through her window….and now he’s a suicidal drug addict. Wow again. God, I’m glad my current boyfriend is awesome.

    • traci

      that is crazy Nancy! lol and yeah i am pretty thankful my current isn’t crazy lol

  • Jb

    I just turned 22. Not yet! I go back and forth on how I feel about it, but this kind of article really helps contextualize it all. Thanks!

  • Aralis

    I just lost mine 2 months ago-just before I turned 25. So considering the average age for an American kid to lose their virginity is around 16 I’d definitely say I’m a late bloomer!

  • MM

    I was 20. I was waiting for it to be ‘special’ and then just gave up and had meaningless sex. I kind of regret not having meaningless sex earlier, I felt much better when it was done with.

    • Eileen

      yes!

    • M

      Similar story! 20 also, except without the waiting for it to be ‘special’: I was just waiting for a guy I could be reasonably certain I wouldn’t regret. And I met him, and it worked out; even though he was technically not the best-sounding decision [he was ten years older than me and a friend of my dad's.. Oops?], we got along well and kept sleeping together for about six months and still keep in touch now [he just got married! Aww. To the girl he started seeing after we stopped fucking, who is also a girl he asked me to have a threesome with because he thought things were getting boring between them in the bedroom. I'm guessing they got over the hump]. I don’t wish I’d slept with someone else earlier, but I do wish I’d been lucky enough to meet a guy who seemed conducive to that sort of good experience earlier than 20. Reading this article makes me thankful for that; so many people seem to have regrettable first experiences.

      My most sexual experience before him was when I was 19 and I gave another guy a handjob. He’s a bit of a self-admitted horndog/player type, so I was more cautious. We stayed friends and I did end up sleeping with him after the first guy and I tapered off, and we continued on and off for years. It’s now been a couple years since we last had sex, but we are still friends now. I don’t regret him either, but I’m also kind of glad I didn’t take the initial plunge with him. Especially since his dick is.. Somewhat uncomfortably large. We have fantastic chemistry, but as actual straightforward physical stimulation goes we aren’t as good a fit. So yeah, I’m also glad the first time I ever had sex wasn’t painful like it can be with him; instead it was just Really Great.

  • Jinx

    I was 19. I’m 22 now and we’re still together so no regrets there. Although like MM said, I kind of do wish I’d had meaningless sex earlier.

  • Eliza

    Can we please not have pictures of Justin Bieber on sex articles? As an adult woman, I feel dirty just seeing the word sex anywhere near his name.

  • Kayla

    17. It was New Year’s Eve and Good Morning Vietnam was playing on the TV. It was of course wretched and I didn’t realize sex could be enjoyable until we broke up 2 years later and I met someone else.

  • Yasmine

    14, in a field, with some guy (17) who I’d only known a couple of days. It turned out he had a girlfriend, so it was only the one time, butI don’t really regret it. It wasn’t good sex, but it meant later in life I had something to compare with, and it was nice to know what was happening and how to do it when I had a real boyfriend a couple of years own the line.

  • Char

    I was 16, and it was in the passenger seat of my car after school one day. Obviously, it was bad. I don’t regret it at all though. We had been together for about 6 months, were together after that for another 2 years, and now 6 years later are still best friends. Maybe I could have waited longer but, all things considered, I’m really glad it happened the way it did.

  • Maria

    Stop talking about virginity like it’s a valuable posession you “lose” to someone. If you wanna have sex, then do it. Afterwards you’re not worth any less than before and you can still find a soulmate to sit on a porh with when you’re old.

    • amber dawn

      I agree with you, but “lose your virginity” is still the common terminology used. I’m pretty sure the point of this article wasn’t to perpetuate ideas of worth as tied up in “virgin status” but showcase a variety of first-time sexual experiences to suggest that all of them are normal.

    • Nia

      Agree Maria, virginity does not define a person or their value. But having sex for the first time requires a certain level of responsibility and taking on all the physical and emotional factors that come with it.

  • Stef

    I guess 16. He was the first boy I was ever really crazy about. A year older, tall, played drums in a punk band. He lived across the street. Gave me my first non self induced orgasm…orally. On the first try too. so naturally i let him play ‘just the tip.’

    Didn’t let a whole penis in there until freshman year of college though. that happened on the top bunk of his dorm room with his roommate asleep below. i got to be on top.

  • MR

    Well since you seem to want to only describe this from the female side of the equation, I’ll tell you about who broke me in. She was almost 17 and almost 2 years older than me, and I will always be grateful to her, because she was experienced and taught me, a young male, just starting out, how to make love to a young woman properly.

  • NR

    I was 18. My boyfriend had just turned 16, so it was legal. I have no regrets about it. The timing worked, it wasn’t awkward or terrible. We were both comfortable with each other and happy. The only thing that freaked me out was that we were in a park and I saw some deer watching. We broke up less than two months later because I went away to college and he couldn’t handle it, which I don’t blame him because he’s still a kid, but if I could have sex with him he could have tried harder to make it work for a little longer.

  • pluto

    I’m 27. I still haven’t. I couldn’t cope with the idea for literally the past 10 years, because of all the societal pressure to do it like it was a testament to your normalcy and social adjustment.

    I’ve only just come to the point where I actually want sex for myself, as opposed to wanting it because I feel I have to prove something about myself.

    • sheanice

      hey its time to lose it…………………. its incredible trust me :-)

  • Jill

    Oh man I was barely 15, he was 18, and it was his first time too. We had been dating for like 6 months. Dated another 6 months The break up was terrible because he thought we were gonna get married, haha whoops. 7 years later and we haven’t spoken since my freshman year of college. I’m not sad about who it was or how it happened, just about how young I was. It did make me very sexually aware, pretty early.

  • Samantha

    I’m 20 and still a virgin and I feel sooooo conflicted about it because it is sort of expected at my liberal college that you have casual drunken sex. But my freshman year, my 2 best friends lost their virginities by being date raped. It really was hard for me (and of course for them) since I was reaised superconservative evangelical. I can’t decide wether I should just do it nike style or stick to my guns and wait for the right one..I can’t decide, any suggestions? but knowing that there are other over 20 virgins like me makes me feel a little better.

    • Elena Davila

      Just hold it. Trust me. At first when you lose it you may not care and act like it isn’t a big deal…but it will get you eventually. Trust me. I lost my virginity at 20 to no one special, just a one night thing…now I wish I was still a virgin because of the guy I am with being so much more worthy of something so special.

    • A.J.

      Stick to your guns. I’m 21, a college senior, and still a virgin. I can’t say that I know of too many virgins around my college either (they may be embarrased, though). People often say that it’s not a big deal; while it varies from person to person, I think that it matters more than people are willing to admit.
      This article was awesome, btw.

  • Matt martinez

    I lost my virginity when I was twelve to a girl who was also twelve. Ironically we both turned out to be hoes lol.

  • Alanna

    I’m almost 20, in college, and yeah guys definitely have that “omg can’t she’s gonna go all crazy over me” thing so I guess I’m kind of stuck? It would be nice if the guy actually cared about me and wasn’t a booty call thing.

    • Candice

      Wow! I am in the exact same boat. I’ll be 20 in March and guys in college don’t want to date the virgin. They just want to “have” a virgin for a night. The only difference, no one knows I’m a virgin. Apparently I know too much. It sucks cause I don’t want to be a virgin forever, but I want it to be right.

    • Nia

      Alanna & Candice: Don’t feel like you’re “behind the curve”. And don’t wrap up too much of your identity in the fact that you’re a virgin. If you do that, you’re setting yourself up for guilt no matter what. Will there be guys who hit the bricks when they realize they aren’t getting sex on the 3rd date? Most definitely yes. And that sucks and it hurts. But your first time should be something you think through. If you feel pressured or uneasy, it’s not the time. You’ll know when the time/person is right. Trust me. I was 25, and I felt great about it because it was MY decision.

  • stef

    Eat when you’re hungry. Have sex when you’re horny. All the stigma around virginity is depressing. If being a virgin will make him not want you then find someone who won’t care. OR Don’t say anything because, honestly does it really fucking matter? No. The sky and and the ground will still be there in morning if you lost your virginity the night before.

  • holly

    i was 15 with my 16 year old boyfriend at the time. he wasn’t a virgin and he kind of pushed me into it. it was terrible though. even though he’d had experience he was awful. it hurt, then i felt nothing and it lasted for about 3 minutes. we broke up a month after. i didn’t have good sex or even an orgasm during sex until i was 18, with the guy who i’m still with now (i’m currently 20). i kind of regret it because, in hindsight, i wish i had saved it for my current boyfriend – i’m in love with him, when i was 15 i thought i ‘loved’ my then-boyfriend. but i guess we all make mistakes when we’re young.

  • Breezy

    21. I wasn’t waiting for anything in particular, I just didn’t want to have sex in high school. How much fun can you have if you’re hurrying to finish before your parents get home? Ridiculous. So I waited, then didn’t end up dating anyone for a while. Finally one night after a few beers during a cubs game, I decided to booty call this asshole I had been on and off with. He thought it was a pretty big deal and ended up singing me a song afterward. So despite my best efforts, it ended up being pretty ridiculous anyway.

  • Patricia

    19, with my then-boyfriend. It wasn’t good but then again I wasn’t expecting any fireworks. I really wanted to do it with the guy, so bam. We stayed together for 3 years after that. Don’t regret it at all.

  • S

    I was 19, almost 20; he was 20. We had dated for a year already (he was a virgin too) and very happy and committed to each other. First time wasn’t so great (it really hurt), but practice makes perfect.

    5 years later, we got married, and we’re still very happy and committed. Yes, we’ve each only had 1 partner, but it doesn’t bother either of us.

  • emily

    21. On my wedding night. And I’ve never been with anyone else. And it’s still the most fantastic thing I ever did for myself (waiting for marriage). You have no idea the peace of mind that comes from having sex with only one person in your life, and how awesome the sex gets when you’ve been married for 10 years.

  • Cherie Samba

    I was definitely too young and he was definitely too old for me. It shouldn’t have happened. I wish I had waited.

  • Hailey

    barely 15 and he was barely 16. two days after we started dating but we had no each other for awhile. it was in the front seat of his truck parked out in the middle of nowhere by an oil rig. at first i felt ashamed that i was so quick to give myself to him. but then i realized that it was meant to be like that and now i am 100% fine with it. If it was going to be anyone im glad it was him. We are still dating and will continue. I still love him with my whole heart.

  • Meri

    haha im just 13 and i was wondering when was the right time soo yea im a virgin XD :P

  • Rebecca Smallbone

    At 25, to my boyfriend.

  • Nicole

    I was 18, he was 19. We’re still together and we are getting married this summer :)

  • Sarah Smith

    13 to a random 17 year old. Oops.

  • Dont know yet:/

    I am 13 and not really sure about when and where or WHO?? Its really confusing cause i have all these crazy things rushing through me. But i havent decided. I have not found a nice guy thats likes me for me. they just want me to suck their penius or give them a blow job which i dont wanna do !! So i dont but at times i get soo horny and try to tame my self i havent done any thing yet but want. Juss looking for the right time the right person and right place and most important when I am ready. I am so inspired with these 20 and 27 year old women who are still looking for Mr. Right. It makes me wanna do the right thing and wait till I am married and know its the right thing to do. I hope I can wait that long I still and a whole life a head of me. But can I tame myself? Any replys?? Please it would help!! Thanks soo much.

  • Christine

    I lost mine at 18. Lied to the guy (who only had one other partner with whine he had LOTS of sex). I told him I had been with other guys. It hurt and I was embarrassed because I think he figured out from the experience that I really was a virgin.

    Fast forward to when I was 20 and a 21-yr-old friend and I ended up together one night. I told him how many guys I had sex with, and he told me he had been with 3 girls before me. Turns out he was lying, and I was his first. But I didn’t know this until well after we had been sleeping with each other for a while. I could not tell because he was so naturally good in bed, and he was the first to actually truly make me orgasm. Probably because he loved me very much, and we communicate well. I wish he were my first. The guy I lost it to went into it thinking I was a one night hook up. The guy that lost his virginity to me really thought I was the one, and we have been together for 18 years – married for 12. We are having our 4th child together soon. Not only do I wish I lost my virginity to him, but I wish we could have done so on our wedding night. I wish neither of us felt pressured to lie about our virginity in the first place. Had I known then what I know now I think we could have made the beginning of our marriage more special. I also think we would have gotten married a lot earlier because I don’t think we could have waited that long to have sex.