Kim Kardashian Has Filed For Divorce

It is with a heavy heart that I must deliver the tragic news that Kim Kardashian‘s sham marriage to professional athlete Kris Humphries has ended. I realize this should come as a surprise to no one, but it still stings.

Yes, just 72 days after their wedding, Ms. Kardashian has filed for divorce. The timing makes a lot of sense however, as the publicity bonanza surrounding their wedding has long subsided and it came time for Ms. Kardashian to draw attention to herself again. The expiration of Mr. Humphries’ contract seemed like a natural opportunity to generate more publicity for the notoriously venal reality TV star.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Ms. Kardashian, however, because at a time when many are fighting for their right to marry, Ms. Kardashian is bravely demonstrating that plenty of heterosexuals have absolutely no regard for the sanctity of marriage either. This divorce expresses Ms. Kardashian’s solidarity with the LGBTQ community by treating her enormous privilege of marriage like a grotesquely cynical photo op.

The Kardashian family will be holding open casting sessions to all basketball players, football players, rappers and rackishly handsome fire fighters in the coming months. And please stay tuned for the hourlong television event, “Kim Kardashian: The Divorce,” airing next season on E!.

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    • Jinx


    • scallywag

      One day deep in the future when Kimby is making love eyes to her soon to be new money bags husband she will do a few quick math calculations before slightly parting her lips to let the Benjamin bills frolic the back of her tonsils. Such it seems is the allure of love and lust in a world where love always tastes better when it’s heavily scented with a money back guarantee/ media pay for play deal.

    • Shae

      Bets that she dumped him because she wasn’t pregnant yet?

    • Steve P

      Let’s be clear about this: It’s OK for Kim Kardashian to make a mockery marriage, or for Larry King to be married and divorced 8 times, but it “undermines the institution” for two loving people, in a committed long-term relationship to get married because they are the same sex??
      Also, am I the only one who sees some cognitive dissonance when one of the most rabid “defenders of the institution of marriage” is, thrice-divorced Rush Limbaugh?