The A**Hole App Is Going To Ruin Your Love Life

One of the best pieces of relationship advice I ever heard came from a male friend who pointed out that “if the other person isn’t actively complaining, and you are still going out and having sex, men generally assume everything in a relationship is fine.” I realize that one way to read that is “men don’t notice anything!” but I think the other, better way to read it is to say “stop going into relationships expecting to be disappointed, it is probably not that big a deal if he does not text every day.”

But now there is an App to bombard you with questions to determine whether or not your boyfriend is an asshole. YourTango notes:

“Does he call you less than when you first started dating?” “Does he make an effort to get to know you?” “When you think of him, do you smile or want to grab the vodka?” 

I’m being bombarded with questions about the guy I’m currently seeing — important ones that I should be answering honestly — but they’re not coming from my best friend (or my mom, who’s always been my own personal relationship guru). They’re being fired at me in quick succession from my iPhone.

Look, first of all, these questions are kind of subjective and will just leave you wondering “how hard should he be working to get to know me? Why does no one send flowers anymore? All I want is some calla lilies in a basket made of gold. Like everyone else.” If you constantly have to question the nature of your relationship, because a series of questions is being fired at you, you will absolutely find some way in which it doesn’t measure up. And you will drive yourself utterly crazy over things that are probably not real problems.

Besides, let’s imagine if this were reversed and it was called “The Bitch App.” That would be offensive, right? It could have questions like “does she cook you dinner?” or “are you getting enough blowjobs?” I’m also kind of skeptical that this app was developed by an expert who wrote “Are All Men A**Holes?” Answer: no, of course not. They’re suspiciously like human beings. Which is to say, some are assholes and some are not, just like females.[tagbox tag="iPhone"]

If you are unhappy in a relationship most of the time  end it. Just end. You can tell by whether you are going around looking happy or being tear-stained and sad faced most of the time. You’re smart enough to figure that out without running data through an odd little app.


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    • a

      Kind of weird that you think Bitch is the female equivalent of Asshole, when asshole is already gender neutral.

      • Jill

        Connotatively it’s male. Culture is different than the dictionary.

      • a

        I guess, if you’re sexist like that. But assholes come in all genders and colors.

      • MR

        How about someone you emailed just to be friends; who pretended she was. Who liked to answer you when she was on a date with another guy. Hey it took me awhile to figure that out. It’s okay, she didn’t need my friendship and she never asked for it. And truthfully I never wanted to date her. I wrote her for a different reason which she never got. Is she an example of your female version of Asshole?

    • Jenny

      I kind of think that if someone downloads the app and then bases their feelings about their relationship on it… they probably aren’t self aware enough to be in that relationship to begin with or are looking for an excuse. Might as well just ask the Magic 8 Ball!

    • amber dawn

      I really like what you say in this article.