• Mon, Nov 14 2011

Ronald Reagan Was Terrible At Sex, Says Actress Piper Laurie In Memoir

Liberals, rejoice! In addition to having his economic policies more or less discredited by history, it would appear Ronald Reagan has now had other, more, shall we say, intimate policies of his discredited as well. In her new memoir, Learning To Live Out Loud, actress Piper Laurie talks about how our former President’s selfish attitude extended far beyond impoverished humans, to the underprivileged clitorises of his female partners.[tagbox tag="sex"]

According to the book, a then 18-year-old Laurie first met the famous 39-year-old actor on the set of the 1950 drama Louisa (pictured), in which he played her father (ew). He asked the virginal young girl’s mother for permission to take her “out on a date,” then subjected her to what sounds like pretty much the worst sex ever.

Via The Daily Mail:

In ‘Learning to Live Out Loud’ she writes that to begin with Reagan was the perfect gentleman and asked her mother for permission to take her out on a date.

But instead of doing so he took her to his home where he made hamburgers for them both.

Things went downhill from there and when they moved into the bedroom where Reagan turned into a ‘show-off’ who had sex ‘without grace’.

Laurie, 79, writes: ‘He made sure I was aware of the length of time he had been “ardent”. It was 40 minutes.’

Laurie adds that when she complained she was not satisfied, she got rather short shrift indeed.

Reagan told her: ‘There’s something wrong with you. You should have had many orgasms by now – after all this time. You’ve got to see a doctor.’

Poor Piper Laurie! It would appear someone (or multiple someones) had lied gravely to Ronnie about how lady parts are operated, and gosh darnit if a mere lady was going to tell him any different. And that, my friends, is why you should never:

1.) Fake an orgasm.
2.) Fuck a Republican.
3.) Lose your virginity to Ronald Reagan.

God dammit, now I feel bad for Nancy, too. JUST SAY NO to sex that is awful, girls.

(Via The Daily Mail)

Share This Post:
  • Eileen

    At least he didn’t stick tobacco up her vagina.

    • Fatima

      I doubt he was that creative.

  • Jennifer Wright

    Why are you so eager to ruin all my jelly bean dreams? Is it fun for you?

    • Ashley Cardiff

      AGH!

    • Jamie Peck

      SO FUN.

  • Shae

    Oh damn. I’m almost certain that Nancy was the one who lied to him about how orgasms work, though, so I don’t feel AS sorry for her. But STILL.

    • Jamie Peck

      This was pre-Nancy.

  • MR

    I read somewhere a long time ago that Nancy used to make him always wear condoms. I mean if the sex is casual and/or just a hook up that makes sense for health reasons. But they were in committed relationship. I’m not surprised the man never learned how to use his tongue and his hands.

  • Preston Carnegie

    I am always impressed with a woman’s character when she publishes slandering information about a dead man who has no capability for defending such claims, not to mention the anonymity of the writer of such a trashy article. Mrs. Laurie and the writer of this article, you are both a true inspiration to us all.

    • Jamie Peck

      Um, I am not anonymous. I OWN the terrible things I say!

  • Evan

    Quite aside from the author’s poor understanding of economics, the attempt to smear a dead man, and over-all snotty tone of the article, Reagan was a Democrat when this supposedly occurred.

  • danielle

    She still screwed him, where was the free thinking liberal in that….oh that’s right, she could not think for herself, like most democrats…..moving on.

  • Robert Curtis

    Piper Laurie… was she that one chick in that one movie some people saw that one time? Or something like that. Yeah, if I wanted to sell books, I’d say something like that too. And if I was Jamie Peck, I’d learn a) History b) Economics c) Men don’t care about female orgasms if they’re one time things with “actresses”

  • bdo3042

    How do you sleep at night writing this kind of garbage? I guess that journalism degree is really paying off isn’t it? Let me guess, Columbia?