The good people of PETA–known far and wide for their good taste and efforts to empower women–have a new target in their sights: beloved, infallible best friend to lazy children (like us!) everywhere, Mario. Why, you ask? Because of his Tanuki suit. You know the one, it gives him the power of flight and makes him fucking adorable.
Well, someone at PETA noticed that those Tanuki suits don’t just grow on trees:
Perhaps what PETA doesn’t realize is that Mario’s Tanuki suit is made of pixels, Mario isn’t a real person and no raccoon dogs are actually harmed in the process. Sure, his coat is an implicit condoning of the fur trade, in much the way that the rest of the game encourages impressionable children to kill turtle birds and smash their heads into levitating boxes for money. But we don’t really think PETA has lost touch with reality this intensely, we just think they’re being attention whores. [tagbox tag="mario"]
Also, a few important points:
- There’s no way Mario could afford a real fur coat on a humble plumber’s salary. It’s probably faux.
- We’d kill a whole family of raccoon dogs with a cheese grater to be able to fly.
- Notice how respectable environmentalist groups aren’t attacking Mario for picking all those fire flowers. You have to choose your battles.
- Princess gots to get saved.
Next they’re gonna go after Sonic for “the systematic enslavement” of Tails. You can have all the semi-naked D-List celebrities you want, PETA, but you can’t have our favorite video game protagonists. We won’t stand for that.