• Thu, Nov 17 2011

Interview With A Stylish Old Person: Joe

Where I encountered him: At what looks like an antique store but is actually an estate sale, in (you guessed it) Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

Jamie: Hi, how’s it going?

Joe: You look a little wet. Why don’t you have an umbrella?

Jamie: I stayed over at my boyfriend’s house last night, and it wasn’t raining then.

Joe: You stayed over, you’re living in sin. Does your dad know?

Jamie: I’m pretty sure he does, yeah.

Joe: The dad will never say no, he’ll just love you. Now what do you wanna know? Quickly. [He explains that he's on his way to court.]

Jamie: What’s the story behind this place? I was here the other day and the girl explained to me that it’s an estate sale?

Joe: Is this for money? You’re makin’ money on this?

Jamie: A little…it’s for my job.

Joe: I will take 50%. I will do whatever you want me to do if you let me go now.

Jamie: Okay.

Joe: Promise? Walk out and not look back. I have to be in Supreme Court in Manhattan now, and you are holding me up. Come back and we can sit down and have a cup of coffee.

Jamie: Okay!

Joe: This goes back to 1909. The windows, the farm out there, consiglier…I gotta go.

Jamie: You say you’ll be back around six?

Joe: Unless I have a female engagement. That could happen also, you never know. Women love me because I’m wealthy, eccentric…and I’m good in bed.

Jamie: [nervous laughter] What’s with all these signs? [There are strange, handmade looking signs everywhere.]

Joe: Read that one, it’s a great sign.

Jamie: “This is Bic ladies only seminar for your man. When we’re done, he will be able to remember your birthday, first meeting, first date, full mom and dad’s name, how to behave like a gentleman, give you the things that you want when you want them, give you the children you want when you want them and not leave you alone, understand and help you through the birthing process…”

Joe: Diapers are extra. Thirty seven years with one woman, I never looked at another woman until she walked out on me six months ago, or eight years ago, I don’t remember.

To Be Continued…

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  • Lisa

    I WANT MOOORE!!!