I Do Find Ryan Gosling Sexy: An Ode To Nice Guys

Jennifer’s post earlier today about why she doesn’t find Ryan Gosling sexy made me feel all kinds of feelings. As can be expected when debating the attractiveness of a celebrity neither of us has ever met (yet), some of these feelings were more rational than others. That I’ll never have to compete with Jennifer for Ryan Gosling’s affections is only a plus in my fantasies in which Ryan Gosling walks into our offices on a day that I’m there, lost and in need of directions and a hug. I realize that, okay?

Jennifer’s main argument rests on the fact that Ryan Gosling seems extremely nice and considerate, and men with said qualities are not nearly as sexy as jerks who take what they want, when they want it. Through much rhetorical trickery, she even manages to make “will go down on you for as long as you desire” seem like a downside to having sex with him, which I didn’t know it was possible to do. I don’t know about you, but “cares about, and is good at, giving me pleasure” is pretty much at the top of the list in terms of what I look for in a male sexual partner, right between “big, sad eyes” and “looks good in a cardigan sweater.” And if “what gives you pleasure” includes grabbing you by the hair and nailing you from behind like some kind of handsome, well-groomed caveman, well, I’m pretty sure Ryan Gosling would do that. For you, girl.

Allow me tell you a story about myself. For a long time, I chased after guys who were not very nice to me. I did this not because I love to get hurt, but because all the guys I found physically attractive just happened to be jerks (no, really!), and I thought I’d rather date jerks than be a romantically bored person with no crushes.

A lot of my friends told me I was being too picky, and the reason I never met anyone decent was because I refused to relax my standards of physical appearance. Of course I was going to keep getting hurt if I only ever went after boyish, scruffy, artsy-looking fellows. So my brain tried, against my vagina’s wishes, to date someone who wasn’t that attractive to me but seemed really, really, really, really, nice. Guess what? That guy turned out to be the biggest jerk of all. It was then that I decided physiognomy is bullshit. It’s what’s inside that makes you a man.

I didn’t date anyone for a long time after that, because I decided I would rather be romantically bored than put up with bullshit and/or settle for anyone who was less than a total Baberaham Lincoln in my eyes. This went on for almost a year before I met my current boyfriend (with the occasional casual sex to relieve my genital boredom), and at the risk of sounding cheesy, the wait was totally worth it.

Here are some things that made me think he’d make a good boyfriend for me:

1.) I wanted to make sex with him.

2.) He actually called me up to do things in advance, instead of texting me “r u out?” at midnight on a Friday.

3.) He, yes, went down on me. (This is a good thing, unless you hate being gone down on. In which case, you’d tap Ryan Gosling on the shoulder and tell him to stop, and he would.)

4.) He cared about my feelings.

5.) He enjoyed socializing with my friends and would talk to people instead of sulking in the corner when I brought him to parties.

6.) He took me to feed the ducks in Central Park.

Okay, so that last one isn’t really true, but you get the idea. It’s nice when people are nice! And well-adjusted. And considerate, not just of you, but of other people in general (there are lots of places you can have crazy, spontaneous sex that don’t involve inconveniencing hundreds of people). It’s sad that the “hot guys are assholes and assholes are hot” narrative is so ingrained in our culture that I half suspected my new beau had a basement full of decaying lady corpses at first, but I’ve since checked, and the only thing he stores down there is delicious beer that he makes himself.

Which is all to say: I think you’re doing yourself a disservice if you only go after the George Clooneys and (ugh) Bradley Coopers of the world. And, judging from Ryan Gosling’s meteoric rise to popularity, it seems like an increasing number of you agree.

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    • lizzy tish

      jamie..that tother chick obviously a fan of the real world and does enjoy date rape…what’s her f***in name yeah exctly thats what he said, bet shes run into that alot..Ryan is a great humanitarian eveyone should see his short films..yes hes a man..men , real men dont have anything to prove..thanks jamie

      • Winter

        Not cool. Just not cool.

    • jackie

      Ryan Gosling is YUMMY!! I love nice guys and smart guys! And military guys, and guys in suits….

    • Odbery

      I don’t know what it is, but for some reason I feel like Ryan would be my hot friend who I’d try to help find his dream girl… but never actually be sexually interested in myself. It’s not his niceness, my boyfriend is nice, but maybe it’s because he doesn’t strike me as a man’s man? I’ll be honest though, I haven’t seen him in very many movies. Anyway, he’d make an awesome boyfriend to whatever girl wanted him.

    • MR

      You know Jamie, I was thinking earlier when Jennifer first posted hers trashing the guy. I thought what the heck, I made plenty women have an orgasm while making love in the cuddle/spooning sex position. What do nice guys have a monopoly on this?

    • C.Z

      I’m glad to hear you found a guy who’s great AND you want to make sex with. I get a little discouraged every now and then that those men exist. Then I think “Well, decency isn’t truly relative to looks, and any combination thereof can come together.” Honestly I just wanna be attracted to my guy off the bat, physically and personality wise, plain ol according to what Iii like. You finding yours (and blogging about it) makes my face smile.

    • C.Z

      Oh yeah, and Ryan Gosling is a cutie. I had a crush on him on the Mickey Mouse Club, then again on Young Hercules. He’s nice too?! Once you deal with so many d!¢k$ you come to appreciate a man who’s not full of himself, or manifesting his insecurity by being a douche. I applaud you Ryan.

    • macalny

      Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t we find BOTH Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper sexy? I don’t get it. I mean, I totally get they they have different looks and likely appeal to different sectors of the population at large, but when it really comes down to it they’re both objectively attractive and since we don’t know them personally all this imagining what they’d be like in bed/a relationship is pointless. They’re both hot, no?

      • Jamie Peck

        Because this debate is not really about Ryan Gosling.

    • Patricia

      Even thought I wasn’t aware of it, I was repelled by nice guys. It was always about the nice guys that I made the following comment “he’s hot, smart and funny, but there’s something about him that just turns me off, I can’t put my finger on it”.

      Well, I changed my mind. My current boyfriend is the type of guy I would have referred to as mentioned above a couple of years ago, but now, I find the fact he’s a genuinely nice man one of his sexiest traits. And I do find that nice guys are much more likely to go down on you for hours then guys who just “take what they want when they want it”.

      This all-around nice guy thing is a very very very very good one.