Maybe we should cut Kim Kardashian some slack, guys. According to several different sources, Kris Humphries was a stinky husband, and I mean that literally. Apparently, this guy has a thing for farting on women, and will stop at nothing to feed this sick, sick need.
First, a report came out that Kris “farts in Kourtney Kardashian’s face” in the new season of Kourtney And Kim Take New York. This is funny because it appears in an article about how Kris is suing the show for more money because he thinks it’s going to make him look like a dick. Did the producers somehow CGI that scene? Because it sounds like that’s something he chose to do, and you can’t reasonably expect reality tv producers not to use the footage if you fart in someone’s face. You just can’t.
And now, there’s an interview with his ex-girlfriend in The Daily Mail that reiterates his farting problem. Says she:
Kris had no flirting skills whatsoever. Flirting to him was like burping and like blowing it in your face or farting and then throwing the covers over your head.
He also farted on Kim whilst getting a pedicure from her, so it would seem this is a chronic issue. Three times is not a coincidence, bro. I don’t want to get all phrenological here, but maybe his somewhat simian appearance has made people subconsciously expect him to fling poo all his life, and he’s just trying to live up to how everyone sees him? Regardless, I can see how someone would not want to be married to him. Maybe he should go hang out with the Occupy Wall Street fart smeller and leave our television sets alone. Unfortunately, things being as they are, I’m pretty sure he’ll get his own spin-off called True Life: I Have A Farting Fetish any day now.