• Fri, Dec 2 2011

Courtney Stodden Is Actually A Child

Sometimes, it’s easy to forget Courtney Stodden is just 17-years-old: what with going on television to prove her breasts are real, always candidly revealing intimate details of her sex life, landing a reality TV show, mastering Twitter, and (of course) marrying a 51-year-old. So every now and again, it’s nice/painfully disturbing to hear about how she is actually a teenager.

She tells The Fab Life that her “crazy” life is all waking up at noon and making husband Doug Hutchinson pick up after her. You are about to enter an irony-free zone:

“A typical day for me is crazy. Let me tell you. I get up out of bed in the sexiest outfit you’ve ever seen. Hair is done, my makeup’s done. I get up at around 12… 12 o’clock. …PM. I make my mocha. I don’t care about anything else…. Doug is wonderful. He picks up my coffee beans that I spill on the floor. He picks up my foundation.  He picks up my feathers from my big robe that I wear. My high heels are all over. So I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband. So, a typical day for me, is like, a princess.”

Holy. Shit. She adds:

“There’s fine lines in between what we share and what we teach each other. I’ve turned him on to Maroon 5, train and all the new, you know, awesome artists who are out there.”

It was nice of her to double back and sound like a 51-year-old by suggesting Maroon 5 and train are cool. If you want to see the rest of this deeply off-putting video, suit yourself. However, it’s before noon and therefore a little early to witness Stodden’s trademark Fuck Eyes that she makes (compulsively) at the cameraman.

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  • Kathleen N.

    Why can’t she sit still? She is in like constant shimmy mode. Whoever taught her how to be “sexy” (her mom) must have told her that men cannot resist a girl who is in a constant state of shimmy.

    • Claire

      Haha I’ve noticed this too. She does it in all of her interviews. Constantly trying to seduce the cameraman, but looking more like she’s got an itch in her bum.

  • Ash

    I didn’t really listen to what she was saying, I was too focused on the lack of movement in her chesticle region. They must be hard as bricks.

  • Cate

    I think that this video contains the final proof of the fact that she is, in fact, a 35-year-old performance artist. She lists Train and Maroon 5 as ‘new’, proving that she is not seventeen, and she claims to get out of bed with her hair and makeup done, suggesting that her entire life is a complete act. Obviously everyone already knew that her life is an act, but so far it hasn’t been proven that she isn’t seventeen.

    • Katrina

      My thoughts exactly.

  • Claire

    I don’t know how anyone could call Kim K the worst person ever when there’s trash like this out there. The thing is, call him creepy all you want, but I feel really badly for this girl’s husband. If you watch the interviews with the two of the, it’s pretty clear that he actually cares about him, whereas she’s clearly using this guy to gain fame. She’s a fake and, quite frankly, she’s completely disgusting.

  • Erin

    I can’t hate on this girl. She’s a child. She’s too young to understand what she’s doing with her life. Her parents gladly handed her to this 51-year-old man for marriage.

    Imagine if all the stupid crap you said when you were 17 was out there for public consumption. She hasn’t had a chance to figure things out.

    As much as she insists she’s happy, this is a totally unhealthy way for a young woman to live. I hope she’s able to move forward with life when this marriage inevitably ends.

    • Angel

      You are very intelligent and that was well stated. I agree with you 100 percent! And I will add, the two people who created her are the most pitiful and useless excuse for parents.