• Tue, Dec 6 2011

Investment Banker Pens Inadvertently Hilarious Letter To Woman Who Rejected Him

investment-banker-date-letter

An investment banker went out on a date with some lady. After the date was over she said “well, it was nice to meet you.” Normal humans often interpret that as a sign that there will be no future dates, but this man is some sort of philosopher king and sees right through that. The bitch led him on! Here is how she led him on, according to his letter. [tagbox tag="dating"]

(I would just like to take a moment to point out that most people working in finance are fine, upstanding individuals, and this dude is just bathshit insane, because otherwise I will have no man panel to insult your velvet dresses. Now here are the reasons.).

-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

-You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

- I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent.

- Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music.

- According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age.

This is the first time in my life that I’ve been delighted that I don’t enjoy classical music, and it will probably be the only time that ever happens, so my day is made.  I think that this letter is also a reminder that when you go on dates with men you are lukewarm about you should shield your eyes the entire time, and maybe shave your head first. And you should not be 32! Stop leading people on with “having an age,” you  hussy.

Okay, those are the main points, but you can and should read the entire post here. I’m off to listen to The Talking Heads.

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  • Dove

    The guys you routinely consult are in finance? That explains so, so much.

  • Fabel

    “You can even do a google search on it”

  • Nikki J.

    I have an even creepier email from a guy I went on one date with. Let me know if you’re interesting in posting it on the gloss–I’d be happy to share the entertainment!