Men Tell Us: If They’d Tell Their Girlfriend She Needs To Diet

woman eating cake diet

Basically, when we asked men if they’d tell their girlfriend she needs to diet, we were asking whether or not they were monsters. The answer, as it pretty much always is, was “maybe!”

This week is Crash Diet week at TheGloss, which means we’re inviting readers to share their experiences with punishing, stupid diets for all that minimal, short term weight loss.

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    • Nancy

      Here’s a little feedback for the guys: Dan, will you marry me?

      Also, Frank and George seem on the right track.

      My weight goes up and down around 10 pounds (I don’t diet, it just happens that way) and when I’m at the heavier end of that, I would never want my boyfriend to mention it. But if that extra weight stayed for a long time (a year or more), I would definitely be open to my boyfriend suggesting we do more active things together and start eating better. If I gained 30 pounds for example, I would listen to my boyfriend if he talked to me about needing to change my diet and excercise, but it would definitely soften the blow if he offered to do it with me. I want to be attractive and healthy, and I want my boyfriend to care about my health, too. Just be sensitive when talking about it!

      • Jen

        Really? Frank and George are on the right track?

        I found Frank’s brand of passive-aggressive assholery completely manipulative and repugnant, personally. And the dudes who “just break up” with girlfriends who gain weight, UGH.

        But maybe you’re just much more tolerant and forgiving than I am.

      • MR

        @Jen

        Yep if you’re dating someone you should tell them outright. But I think women should eat healthy. If a woman eats healthy, she should have no weight issues. Again I would never date a woman who starves herself to be thin.

      • Nancy

        @Jen you might be right. Frank would good for me though, I’m too senstive. I’d know what he’s really saying but I’d appreciate him saying it that way. Maybe just me, but it’s definitely better than “You’re getting fat. Stop it” lol
        But yeah George is ok.

    • Ms. Pants

      People gain weight when they’re in happy relationships.

      Sounds like women aren’t happy in their relationships with these guys and therefore don’t gain weight.

      This is a great example of why dating in New York sucks so much.

      • Katrina

        So true! My boyfriend and I have both gone up a pant size since we got serious. I blame all the cooking we do – we both lived alone before, so cooking was mostly a special dinner thing, but now that we’ve moved in we are always making ‘a little something’ for the other.
        But, he was very tactful! He waited until I couldn’t fit into my favorite jeans one day, then he suggested we go get fit for new running shoes and get back on the trails near our house. Now we run *then* we cook. Hopefully it’ll work!

      • Nancy

        I’m the opposite. I don’t give a shit when I’m not in love, but when I fall in love the pounds just fall off. I eat for comfort, but when I’m in love I don’t need to eat so much. It’s awesome :P

    • Sally

      I was pretty sure men were this shallow but to have it confirmed is depressing. I am 57 years old and divorced, and not dating much, but I do find it amazing how most men don’t seem to be a bit bothered by their big guts and even wear tight shirts that make it oh so obvious, but if a woman gains 5 pounds they start freaking out. What a double standard. Just so you know, guys, the weight gain is not attractive on you either.

    • Avodah

      I suggest a survey of women, ask them if they would stay with their boyfriend if HE gained lots of weight, or perhaps lost his job? I don’t think men are alone in their superficiality.

      • Carla

        Avodah, there are tons of women that support their out of work boyfriends. There are lots that date men who are balding, gaining weight, growing hair all over like bears. Especially as we age, our bodies are constantly changing and morphing. Hopefully, you’ll find a woman that loves you as you lost the hair on your head and it sprouts up on your back. But hey, maybe that isn’t deserved with the Superficial Badge you’re flashing around.

      • Avodah

        @Carla-

        Ugh, I am a woman. I have long hair (past my shoulders),and I’m in pretty good physical shape. I am employed (I actually have a very good job).

        I was just pointing out that there are ALL kinds of superficiality. Sometimes it is from men, and sometimes it is from women. It can be in regards to job, appearance, social status or whatever.

        Chill out. When I get upset, I hit the gym. Maybe you should try it!

      • Guest

        I hate to alert you to your “wrongness” I’ve had a few “chunky” boyfriends, and jobless ones who went and got jobs too. It’s a matter of perspective and health where weight is concerned. I am currently dealing with an asshole who thinks I need to diet “just because we’re going to hawaii” and frankly, I’m ready to let him go by himself and get himself a fucking beach bunny

    • M

      Dear Ed:
      You’re an asshole and people who work out everyday aren’t always thin. People who are thin don’t always work out and aren’t always healthy. People have different body shapes. You’re not athletic, you’re shallow. Get over yourself.

    • TheGrayAreaBlog

      Well this will certainly open a can of worms. I am for open dialog in a relationship but certain topics must be approached tactfully and the one approaching the topic must be prepared for a bit of wrath, silent treatment, etc. At the end of the day weight is a health issue and should concern us all so I agree it’s not always a superficial thing. However, I think of this similar to asking a man for his interest in penile enlargement, hair removal, bodily function issues, time spent on xbox, the list can go on…. As a woman I highly recommend TACT or suggest active things to do, e.g. hiking, biking, training for a 5k, etc.

      • Avodah

        I agree! People can be active and healthy together. IMHO- being healthy makes life much more fun. Yes, I said HEALTHY, not skinny.

    • M

      I am like the perfect storm of awful for this scenario because I have definitely gained weight since my boyfriend and I got together [though so did he, but also he's taller so it doesn't show as much], and I also used to have a very severe eating disorder that could have killed me. I told him that if I start to get pudgy enough that he might stop being attracted to me, he should ever-so-subtly [*koff*] tell me ‘OH HAY LET’S GO FOR A WALK!’ and continue to do this until I am back into the safe zone. Nip it in the bud! For now I’m lucky though: I’ve gained about 20 pounds, but he thought I was too skinny when we met and is more attracted to current-me. But since he was already interested in me when I was thinner, if I lose the weight again [like that's ever going to happen] he’ll deal with it too.

      Also I reserved the right to tell him to start swimming again if necessary. Because he IS way hotter than me and I appreciate that. And I really do love him and I would still love him if he was fat, but I would probably lust after him less. And we like the lust part of our relationship too.

      • M

        Also we haven’t seen each other since August [he's in school in another state], and while neither of us have gained or lost weight I put on muscle and got a little thinner [still chunky though!] and he lost muscle and apparently is wearing pants about two sizes bigger now. Perhaps this will be a good test.

    • eelizg23

      As someone with severe emotional issues related to food, if my boyfriend had told me to lose weight, I might have sunk into a horrible depression…or flown into a homicidal rage or both. I mean, I know when I’ve gained weight, and I don’t need someone else to point it out to me and make me feel any worse about it. And worrying about whether my boyfriend is going to dump me is probably the worst motivation to diet ever.

      My last serious boyfriend and I both gained weight and lost weight over the course of our relationship, and it never was a problem, thank God. Also, when we first got together, he had a full head of wavy hair. Four years later, most of that had migrated to his back. People’s appearances are going to change over time. That’s just a fact of life.

    • TB

      I’m 5’11, 135lbs and my boyfriend always made not-so-sly remarks about ‘working out more and eating salads’ Dumped his ass. Then ate cake. Happy face.

    • Lenora Jane

      I am wondering: what was the question, word-for-word, being asked of these guys?

    • Britney

      Men are just pigs all around…I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years and he was all over me in the beginning. He is Italian and their menu always consists of pasta, different smoked meat, wine and other fatty food. To my surprise in his family they all eat like crazy by the time I have my salad their plate gets full 3 times. The more they eat the skinnier they get…I guess its in the genes! However I figured out over the years that nothing he said to me was true except him admiring my figure. This great person I adored, fought for with my family, raised his ex-girlfriends child (not even his biological child) and made his days wonderful while our friends went out and had a life I made sure he was taken care of! I never fought, listened, helped around his house, worked like no tomorrow on his parents property while his sisters and brothers stayed inside listening to the music. I thought it was all perfect and it was all love. I feel sick to my stomach now about his behavior and who he is today. I guess he was always a pig, materialistic Italian man that only worries about tanning, gym and everything you can buy. After 11 years I find out that he does not want children, or get married and he is a mean mean man, a bully! I gained some weight and all I get now is him pinching my cheeks when nobody is looking (hard) and when he pokes my stomach he always says “what is this?” I have changed my diet for life and I want to be healthy and lose this weight the right way but I cant have this ass hole around “negative ” two faced man I used to adore so much. I have never been treated like this and I would rather live alone than with someone who is like this. Reading posts on other sites majority of men would leave their wife or a girlfriend for gaining weight and this is just so sick. I never left him for losing his hair, a big nose, passive aggressive attitude, and I was still at peace thinking about how wonderful is to have respectful partner, more than just the perfect looks. I love that he is taking care of himself but his attitude changed so much after he noticed the first muscle showing. I cannot believe I m with someone like this. After the cheek pinch last night he is lucky that i did not punch him and kicked his ass out of my house forever! I will and most men are pigs. Instead of doing something together and working towards healthy living instead of forcing it on women to look perfect…men like this are so not worth any minute of my time! My mother is the luckiest woman on this planet because my father loves her unconditionally and she loves my father…nobody is listening to their wows anymore so marriage is just a piece of paper to wipe your ass with it !