Style Guide: How To Hide Those Extra Holiday Pounds

Seriously, how many pieces of peanut brittle did you eat over this past weekend? I had about three dozen. Then there was the fudge, peppermint bark and a couple pieces of pecan pie. That’s just snacks and dessert. We’re not even going to get into roast, potatoes and carrots. Personally, I’m a huge appetizer fan. Stuffed mushrooms, hot buffalo dip and a little bruschetta. So after all this amazingly wonderful food, it’s possible that I might have put on a couple pounds. Ya know, just a little water weight. Or gravy weight. Whatever. The problem is that now I’m expected to put on clothes and get on with my normal life. So what do I wear if I don’t want the world to know that I went back for thirds this weekend?

Women have been disguising that last five pounds for centuries. Though I don’t suggest the corset approach if you’re suffering from a little bloating. Talk about indigestion issues. We all know about fat pants. Hopefully you keep a pair of jeans one size larger than normal just for this type of occasion. Or I guess you could be the type of person who just doesn’t overeat. In which case, why are you reading this post? And secondly, it must be nice to be you.

For the rest of us, here’s a few tips beyond the all fat pants routine. After all, there’s a super-big holiday party coming up and you might want to get gussied up. I’d advice you to stay away from the bandage dresses.

  • Stick with black – or at least a matte color. All that sparkly, shimmery goodness tends to let the light reflect in all kinds of fun ways. Every single bump or roll will be highlighted the minute those tacky roaming colored spotlights flash across you on the dance floor.
  • It doesn’t need to be a tent. Your first instinct after over-indulging might be to wear a big ol’ sack. But you don’t have to hide under a huge flowy dress. Unless of course, you want a big flowy dress. Then, go for it. But classic shapes and cuts in sturdier fabrics will hide a bulge without making you lose your figure all together.
  • Find your focal point. Show a little cleavage. Try an open back. Keep the hemline high. Preferably not all three of these at once. But highlight an asset away from your tummy and let that shine. With a great rack on display,  no one will have any clue that you put on a pound or two.
  • Don’t overdue it with the Spanx. Plenty of women try to hide minor flaws with those body-sculpting miracles called Spanx. Except they buy them a size too small (I mean, that’s the size they want to look, so I can see where they’re going) and cover their entire body in over-stretched elastic. The result is not at all comfortable and it can create even more ridges where the shapewear cuts in to your skin. Spanx aren’t a bad thing, but they need to be used moderation, just like everything else.
  • Find some great accessories. Another way of drawing attention away from any small problem areas, great jewelry or shoes will keep the conversation about your better parts instead of circling back to your holiday binge.
Or ya know, just throw on your fat pants and call it a day. We’re not judging.
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