Pop quiz time! If you were to find yourself accused of drug trafficking, what would you wear to court? Would it be:
1.) Nice, normal-looking clothes that presented you as an upstanding member of society,
2.) The nicest outfit you could pull together on your very limited budget, or
3.) Clothing with cartoons pictures of drugs on it?
A Fort Lauderdale, Florida man chose option #3 at a recent court appearance for drug trafficking charges, by which I mean he selected a jacket with a jaunty all-over print depicting the various steps to making crack cocaine, alongside the slogan “stack paper, say nothing.” Because nothing screams “I’m innocent” like a cracket. When contacted, the man’s attorney did not reveal his name, but noted that “clients have surprised him in the past by showing up to court wearing drug-related attire.”
Wait, is this a thing? What, if any, logic is driving these decisions? Maybe the accused are trying to show a sense of humor, like, “look at me, always getting myself into whoopsy-daisy messes!”, or maybe they think they’re so fucked they might as well be wearing a jacket made out of crack, and it’s their way of ironically commenting on that. In any case, if any of you should ever find yourselves in this uncomfortable position, I hope you’ll at least try sincerely to beat the charges before giving up and putting on your cracket. No, I don’t care if it’s the only clean jacket you have at the moment. Do some fucking laundry.