• Thu, Jan 19 2012

Real Talk: Does It Matter If He Gets Along With His Mother?

Today’s Real Talk is pretty straight forward: does it matter to you that your SO has a solid relationship with his mother? Does it make a significant difference if they clash? Since all moms (and relationships with them) are different, we’ve let respondents interpret that as they wished.

And some bonus Lucille:

 

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  • jezebel

    From personal experience I think it matters if he gets along with his mother if you’re in a serious relationship. If he treats his mother like a queen, he’ll treat you like one too.

    • Raerae

      ” If he treats his mother like a queen, he’ll treat you like one too.”
      My experience with the above quote is that if he’s treating his mother like a queen there is no time, energy, etc. to treat you like one. I’m dating a guy that treats his mother amazing and since I’ve come into the picture she absolutely despises the sight of him paying any attention to me in front of her. Ugh.

    • Patrick Bonacoscia

      A bit late to answer but you are perfectly right.

      I would say that little boy is naturrally close to their mothers but when of legal adult age they must take some distance with his mother in order to be able to become men.

      On thing that annoys me a lot is that moral obligation (from the bible possibly) for kids to respect their parents, but with no counterpart. I mean I saw nowhere that the parents have the obligation to respect their kids and my view real respect can only be earned and is never granted. That guilt thing is really upsetting.

      There should be not obligation to respect or even love parents that failed their parenting responsibilities.

      Looking for men that “treat their mothers like queens” is the shortest way to find a useless momma boy.

  • Fabel

    A guy I’m serious about needs to get along with his mother without revering her. A good-natured bicker-y dynamic is usually good. Treating her “like a queen” is creepy. Also, if he hates his mother, it might not be obvious at first. But there are clear hints. Mommy issues are real & not fun & usually don’t even make things fun in the bedroom.

  • Becca

    I guess my experience is kind of limited to only the people I’ve met, but all the men I know who hate their mothers sort of hate all women. I mean, if they just don’t get along, that’s one thing. They can have clashing personalities. But I don’t think I would seriously date a man who hated his mother. It would just not work out. I imagine there are men who hate their mothers but don’t hate all women, but I guess because I haven’t met one yet I’m assuming they are rarer.

    • LCT

      My husband is one. His mom is pretty terrible, though. She’s pretty much the exact opposite of anything I want to be. Which is one of the biggest reasons DH fell for me!

      Oh well. If you’re committed to each other, and work slowly through the issues in a mature, responsible way, it’ll probably work out. Plus we’re moving halfway across the country in 4 months, so the physical distance is sure to alleviate some of the tension. We’re working through how to set some boundaries with her right now…

  • vomiting

    Oh for goodness sake, does not liking your parents, particularly your opposite sex parent, really have to be indicative of ‘issues’?

  • Raven

    Oh yes I agree Raerae, When your SO is a mama’s boy of a lying, thieving, bitch *clears throat* then it’s a problem, I have been with my SO for two years, his mom was nice to me… Until we were together then because I lived in the house with them I was treated like shit, she didn’t want me with her son because I am already a mother, and it didn’t help that he kept the relationship hidden for almost a year of it, telling her he didn’t want to be with me and he’d never be with me then telling me he loves me, I know it’s my fault too for allowing it but being in love you will take a lot of shit. Eventually I left the house to teach him a lesson which worked shortly after I came back he told them to treat me better and that he wanted to be with me, they never treated me better, and he always takes his mother’s side if I say I don’t like a type of food she makes he accuses me of being disrespectful or a bitch because I don’t like her which isn’t true, I’m in my first trimester of my pregnancy and I have the worst nausea ever, I’m not going to like a lot of stuff doesn’t have anything to do with her. She even stole my laptop out of the room when I wasn’t home and sold it… Took her 3 months and hundreds of lies before it came back, first it was at school, then someone was using it, then someone was fixing it, then anything they could pull of of her and her husbands ass, finally they bring it back pissed and threw it saying it didn’t work anyways, but that’s because her dumbass didn’t know the password and didn’t take the charger. I think that was the only time he didn’t take her side and got a real dose of how she really is he’s still embarrassed about it. But she still lies and blames things on me daily so me, so me and my little ones stay in the room 24/7 and he still doesn’t take my side. Sorry about the novel but it felt so good to vent for once!

  • Kathy

    A man who hate his mother has serious problems…at some point in the relationship, he will start viewing the wife as he view his mother and hatred will follow. It took my husband about 8 years to start treating me like his mother. From loving husband to major hostility. Although the lack of sharing started from day one…no sharing of info, intimacy, love or anything else.