• Mon, Jan 30 2012

9 Reasons Kim Kardashian Wants To Start A Bible Study Group

Reality TV star, failed singer, hack designer and all around Adversary Kim Kardashian did some quite arresting things on Twitter yesterday: first, she went to Church “with the girls.” When we initially saw that tweet, we (honestly) assumed that “Church” was the name of New York’s latest sexy, exclusive, dimly-lit D-List trap, where Kim and “the girls” planned on collecting a $50,000 appearance fee to mill about in the darkness for an hour, drinking sugary cocktails.

But we were wrong! Kim was actually going to real church. Or, wherever she went, she ended up moved by the Lord, because soon after she tweeted, “I want to start a bible study group with my friends!” (GOD I HOPE SHE DID IT SITTING IN CHURCH) Now, some of you may say that just because Kim is a grim affront to every good Christian value that has ever existed in the history of the western world, she can still go to Church and repent and stuff, because Christiany’s about forgiveness and compassion. On a good day.

But, we are talking about a Kardashian here. Which means: Kim obviously doesn’t want to start a Bible study group with her friends. Whenever a Kardashian does something (anything) you have to remove a couple layers and see the potential for publicity and sponsorship deals beneath the surface. Please join us in speculating why Kim Kardashian actually wants to start a Bible study group. Here’s a few of our best guesses.

(Ed. Note: Please don’t be offended by the main image; we selected it on account of its absurdity, and do not mean to imply that enjoying lollipops somehow makes you an affront to God.)

 

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  • Nancy

    I know this is supposed to mostly be funny….but I’m thinking Reasons 6 & 9 are actually very possible.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      Like *eerily* possible.

    • XX.

      Yeah, i actually heard she tried to set up a date with Tebow, but she declined…

    • jo

      Having difficulty finding the 9 Reasons why Kim Kardashian wants to start a Bible Study Group.

      Please tell me how & where I could find them.

      Thank you

  • LCT

    No, Kim. Just no. Christians have enough bad publicity and reputation to deal with; you REALLY don’t need to throw your logo-encrusted hat into the ring.

  • Lori

    Kim, if you need Prayer seek it, but don’t fake with the Lord. What goes around comes back around.

  • Johnny Paycheck

    All those Kardashian’s are fuckin half brain dead drama queens, fuck em.

  • Anna

    LOLLIPOPS ARE AN INSTRUMENT OF THE DEVIL