The Editors Discuss: The Perfect Gift For Valentine’s Day

TheGloss‘ editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff are having a discussion about the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day. Jennifer loves the holiday–because she loves presents and happiness!–but Ashley hates it because she hates everything (except, it turns out, novelty portraiture). Then, it all falls apart.

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    • Jennifer Wright

      I’m proud of us for having so many good ideas, but I’m really sad it didn’t work out for that couple we became. Why couldn’t they make it work, Ashley?

      • Ashley Cardiff

        It just wasn’t meant to be, Jennifer. Don’t try to fit a circle in a square.

      • Jennifer Wright

        But no one else will ever really know them the way they were when they were young. Couldn’t they have just tried HARDER? Didn’t it mean anything? Didn’t it matter? Oh, God, if that didn’t mean anything, if loving novelty paintings and Reagan inspired snacks weren’t enough, what the hell hope is there for the rest of us?

    • chris

      You two – the spark is still there, dammit. Jennifer goes home and starts slashing the FDR painting. Her tears dampen the canvas. She turns around and Ashley is there, with a bacon bouquet and a heart that waxes like the moon. An embrace – not fake this time. Jennifer opens a box of bath salts and the old feelings return, different this time…stronger? Perhaps. You prank call Mary Ellen and pass out on the floor.

    • Meghan Keane

      SPOILER: Jennifer’s been faking her fake Ashley orgasms all along.

    • alexandra

      I fucking love this more than words can express.