Court Orders Man Who Assaulted Wife To Buy Her Some Flowers, Take Her To Red Lobster

red lobster love

I like it when I get in my time machine, and then I step out, and it is 1952!

Because this essentially what Fred ordered Ricky to do when he thought that Ricky gave Lucy a black eye, except 1) he suggested a better restaurant and 2) it is 2012.

In any event a man threw his wife on the couch, choked her and raised his fist to her after an argument that ensued because he forget her birthday. I am curious about how you respond this way to forgetting someone’s birthday. Appropriate responses to that, as detailed by Sixteen Candles seem to run the gambit from “I’m sorry, really, really sorry” to “I don’t love you anymore” to “I’m going to make you a cake with a ton of candles” but nowhere on the spectrum can I find “assaulting someone.”

However, since the man did not actually punch his wife, the judge ruled that this was a very minor incident, and the man should buy his wife some flowers, and take her to Red Lobster and then go bowling.

Specifically:

“After checking with Mrs Bray that she did not feel threatened by her husband and would welcome him home, Judge Hurley told him: ‘Flowers, birthday card, Red Lobster, bowling. You got your work cut out for you, do you understand?’

And then he patted him jocularly on the shoulder-blades, and they all had a good laugh, and Mrs. Bray will never be late in making dinner again!
This reminds me of that old joke:
Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: To get a good divorce lawyer.
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    • superjack

      Jennifer, I’d totally take you to Red Lobster… without even beating you first!

    • Eve

      So choking her– that is, depriving her of life-giving oxygen in an attempt to make her pass out or DIE– is somehow OK because it’s not punching?