• Fri, Feb 10 2012

Ladymag Lies: 5 Common Myths About Female Orgasms

gwyneth paltrow

The science of sexuality has come along way since the days experts questioned the basic existence of the female orgasm. In the modern era, the sexual health of women is a major field of study, and most couples devote a great deal of time and attention to her pleasure. But many myths about the female orgasm still exist; in fact, you’d probably be shocked by the sheer volume of potentially harmful misinformation that’s out there. Read on as we dispel some of the female orgasm’s greatest falsehoods.

Myth #1: “Normal” women have orgasms through intercourse alone.

The truth is, only about a third of women regularly experience orgasm through intercourse. Every woman’s body is different, and each has her own special set of needs. For example, roughly another third of women can achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse, but only with the aid of extra simulation. Some women will never reach orgasm during intercourse at all, but can experience release through manual and oral titillation. Others require her partner to hum “Yakety Sax” over her clitoris. Some women can only get off by timing her thrusts to to an animated GIF of Jon Hamm winking.

Myth #2: It’s possible to orgasm by eating a particularly delicious cup of low-fat yogurt.

Although there are several ways for women to achieve orgasm, placing dairy products into the mouth is not one of them. This myth owes its origin to the yogurt advertising industry, which has produced quite a few commercials showing a woman moaning with pleasure while enjoying a cup of fruit-flavored Yoplait. The women in these advertisements may be experiencing feelings of gratification and even arousal while eating their yogurt, but these sensations cannot accurately be described as orgasms.

Myth #3: “Come Together” by The Beatles is about the female orgasm.

It is not. John Lennon write this song for Timothy Leary when Leary campaigned against Ronald Reagan for the California governorship in 1969. Leary’s campaign platform was marijuana legalization and his campaign slogan was “Come together, join the party.” The latter includes a fun double-entendre, but it’s in reference to the word “party” and not the word “come.”

“(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones, on the other hand, is actually about the male orgasm — and in typical rock ‘n’ roll fashion, it discounts the needs of women entirely.

Myth #4: The Northridge earthquake of ’94 was caused by several simultaneous female orgasms.

The Northridge earthquake of ’94 was caused by a rupture in a previously undiscovered blind trust fault located in the San Fernando Valley. The confusion here is twofold. First to blame is the perpetuation of the term “earth-shattering” to describe intense orgasms. This expression is purely symbolic and is not meant to literally describe tectonic shifts in the earth’s core. The second point of confusion lies in the fact that the Valley is the epicenter of the pornography industry. However, the quake occurred at 4:31 A.M., and, believe it or not, porn shoots usually occur during normal working hours. The only L.A. women awake and naked at 4:31 in the morning are desperate actresses fucking fifty-five-year-old industry execs in town from New York City, which means that any “earth-shattering” climaxes that occurring at the time of the quake were obviously faked.

Myth #5: Gwyneth Paltrow has never had an orgasm.

This is also a false rumor. Gwyneth has actually achieved orgasm once in her life, although it was completely by accident. She happened to catch a glimpse of her shiny flaxen hair in the mirror, and, high on two pounds of imported acai, experienced a rush so intense she was left with a wad of goop in her 1200-thread count artisanal Egyptian cotton panties.

And there you have it: five myths about the female orgasm totally debunked. Now get out there and order that Benny Hill DVD.

From Our Partners

Share This Post:
  • mish

    I don’t care what you say. Yogurt gets me off.

  • Cassie

    LMAO at “timing her thrusts to to an animated GIF of Jon Hamm winking”

  • Caerie

    I totally come from yoga.

  • levi

    I bend my woman over in the kitchen, and multitask by doing the dishes at the same time. Because I’m on antidepressants, I never come. Because she’s still impossible to please, she doesn’t either, and we call it fair and square.

  • Sam

    1) Not so into yogurt but an excellent truffle or two (or nine) makes me moan. I’m assuming the same will go for chocolate covered strawberries (tomorrow will be experimentation day…).
    2) On a more serious note, my New Year’s resolution from 2011 was to stop faking orgasms to please other people’s egos. Easily the best one I’ve ever made and WAY easier to keep than running every day.

  • adriana

    this was the biggest waste of time article ever.

  • mariovictor

    Discover exactly where to locate the areas in a woman’s body that give her three different kinds of mind-blowing orgasms, enter here : http://www.femaleorgasmguide.net