13 Things I Do Better When I’m Drunk

better drunk

I love getting drunk, being drunk, and staying drunk. Yes, because it makes the pain go away. But also because I’ve discovered that I am really, really good at shit when I’m wasted. Not silly, unfortunate things, like drunk-driving a golf cart — never drunk drive anything, let alone a golf cart — but real life important shit, like drunk-cooking and drunk-walking my dog.

You may call it a drinking problem. I call it a drinking solution.

These are the 13 things I actually do better when I’m drunk. You should try them some time. After all, intoxication is the sincerest form of flattery.

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    • Nancy

      I’m genuinely better at Super Mario when loaded :)

    • Amanda Chatel

      I can pee outside like a pro when I’m wasted. Whether it’s behind a tree or between two cars, I can squat, not fall over AND not get any on my clothes. It’s amazing.

      • pkjane

        I think it’s because when you are drunk you are (obviously) less inhibited and therefore more committed to peeing outside, but when you are not drunk, you are more likely thinking “I can’t believe I am peeing outside, this is not cool” so it’s only a half-hearted outdoor pee.

    • Elizabeth

      I am much, much better at both Japanese and Mandarin when I’m drunk. My French, however, gets much worse when I drink. I suspect that’s because I took French in high school and Japanese in college, and beer costs 20 cents in China.

    • Meredith


    • Alma

      You make me happy

    • Ingvar smith

      I want to learn the 13 things better when I am drunk.

    • Amy

      I wear my high heels better when im drunk! If they get painful I drink more so I cant feel it and it always works! :-)
      Nicola Chapman

    • Magda

      I have literally heard the phrase, “You’re a much better dancer when you’re drunk” thrown in my direction by very dear, very sober friend.

      I totally agree with the high heels thing too. =) Unless I get too drunk, then I feel more comfortable thinking its a good idea to walk around outside of a bar barefoot.

    • everyone in the worldddd


    • wcb123

      you probably have some underlying anxiety disorder which goes when you drink.