Or rather, don’t date someone on the strength of their being a geek.
To be fair, also don’t date someone on the strength of their being any one thing. Do not date someone just because they are a musician, or an investment banker, or one of those people who have to jack off endangered species to save the species.
Don’t do this, because people are human beings, who will not entirely line up with your personal vision of that group. However, this ends up being particularly problematic with geeks, because the things many women expect from geeks have nothing to do with traits that group is actually defined by (namely, a certain degree of social ineptitude).
If you want to date a musician because you love music, okay, fine, he will probably play music. If you want to date an investment banker because you absolutely love black cod with miso and Patek Philippe watches (as who does not?) then this is a funny website you might also like. However, the correct reason to date one is “you like that money is a thing that exists.”Â That guy with the endangered species, well… that was Ashley’s idea, and frankly she dates some weird people. I don’t know what goes on in her head, sometimes. I guess she likes animals.
But fine. Those are traits that actually define those groups. If you want to date a geek because you like one very specific counter culture thing that the geek you are dating also likes, that’s great. That seems a bit like dating someone because you share a common inerest, but if you want to say that you love dating geeks as a whole because of that one interest you share, well, you are free to draw false conclusions.
However, the reasons women pick for dating geeks – as a whole – are generally absolutely insane. Namely:
As commenters from Brandy’s post yesterday noted: “geeks are sweet guys who feel so appreciative of your company they treat you with the utmost respect.”
“I’d rather date a nerd than a shallow, ignorant and stupid jock who doesn’t even know how to use Twitter and would rather drink and watch football than spend time with me.”
Or from as your friend from high school noted: “you should date a geeky guy, because it’s great to date guys who care more about you than you do about them.” You’ll find a lot of women bring up this as a reason to date geeks, and it’s not great logic.
What it all comes down to is generally “they’ll really appreciate you and make you feel like a princess.”
No. That is what geeks do in the movies.
The geeks you see in the movies? The ones who are devoted puppy dogs forever because a pretty lady let them mouth rape her while wearing a Darth Vader mask (oh God, the 80′s were so uncomfortable)? They are not actually geeks in real life. They are actors. Generally good looking actors wearing glasses. They have a script. That is not real life.
Do you know who will go out of their way to make you feel special in real life? Men who are good with people. Not those men who sit there whimpering that no woman will ever date them because they’re so nice (a bizarrely egotistical cry) but men who have a good group of friends, comprised of men and women, and who are interested in social interactions. If that is what you are looking for in a relationship, then cool guys are the guys who will make you feel like a princess, because they have worked to develop their social skills. That’s why they’re cool. Because they’re good at making other people feel good.
The key to finding people who will treat you well – this should be obvious – is not to look for introverts who define themselves as lacking in social skills. They will not have a magical transformation and be so grateful you came into their lives you beautiful prom queen that they will suddenly transform into this super socially skilled guy who throws you awesome parties and gets along with all your friends. That only happens in the movies.
Honestly, if you date a geek for the wrong reasons – the wrong reason being that you think this person will be so grateful to have you that they will treat you well, or better than your last jerky boyfriend did – you are setting yourself up for massive dissapointment. The geek in question probably thought you liked them as a person. They didn’t know that they were supposed to be constantly appreciating how lucky they are to have you. They didn’t think that, because that is crazy. Because thinking the other person is a geek and should be grateful to have you is a crazy reason to date someone. Sorry I fell into all italics all the time mode there, but honestly. Don’t date people because you think they’ll be simperingly appreciative of your company. Don’t do it because it would feel terrible if someone dated you because they thought you’d worship them. Also don’t do it because geeks are absolutely bound to fail at this, because this a group of people defined by being somewhat introverted and socially inept. Then you will feel resentful and wildly undesirable, because this guy who was supposed to be super appreciative isn’t appreciative enough, and, oh God, if a geek doesn’t worship you then what cool guy will?
Please, just don’t date geeks for terrible reasons. Please. Promise? Okay, great.
Though if the guy you’re dating happens to be geeky an your geeky interests align? Well, that’s terrific, then.