It’s official – that little human meatball Snooki is pregnant. Sure, you’ve got to peel away layers of spray tan gook to get to her… soul. Yes, she rolls around wasted on TV. No question – she could waltz into the Bunny Ranch any old day and at least look right at home. But these are all superficial concerns, people. Way deep inside there, beneath the tan, and the perfume and the Jacuzzi water we might be surprised to see that Dame Snooki could give Angelina a run for her money as Mother of the Year. Here’s why:
- She’s gotten it out of her system: Bars and tables across the planet bear the stamp of Snooki’s diminutive drunken footprint. The amount of sugary rum drinks she’s slugged back could easily feed an entire Sandals Resort. Not only that – Snooki played out her entire embarrassing Girls Gone Wild phase on TV, in front of us all. Now that she’s going to have a little meatball of her own Snooki can focus on motherhood. She’s not like April on Eastbound and Down – she won’t abandon her baby because of her burning need to experience the world and have some fun. Snooki’s had fun. She can settle down and nurture this little life – we hope.
- She’ll have a well dressed bambino: Maybe you don’t want to emulate Snooki’s style but at least the girl cares about fashion, has a signature style (power of the pouf!), and seems to care about how she looks down to the very last hoop earring. Don’t judge. If her bambino makes his or her debut in a teeny tracksuit, gold chains and spiked hair so be it. Might be cute if a line of Snooki baby clothes were to debut at a Wet Seal near you. [tagbox tag="Snooki"]
- La Familia matters: Snooki loves her friends and family and likes to be surrounded by people. In her novel A Shore Thing (yes I read it) the main character Gia, who is a tiny burnt orange Jersey Shore girl experiencing the summer of her life, adores her family. If this piece of literature is anywhere near the truth we can conclude that Snooki’s little one will be surrounded by loud, adoring family and friends and smothered with kisses. If anything the kid will grow up with a thick skin, right? That or he or she will turn out to be an introverted tuba player who reads Proust. It’s a win-win scenario.
- She’s ballsy: Snooki may be many things – loud, wasted, ridiculous – but at least she’s no wallflower. She’s already got hat don’t mess with me thing going on so imagine if someone tries to bully her kid one day. Mamma would probably march down to the school, fling open the glass doors, and give that bully a real what-for. She’s got that fierce lioness thing going on, she’s just been channeling it in the wrong direction (bouncers, cops, drunk friends). Now she can redirect all that energy and protect her babe.
So here’s hoping Snooki surprises us all and becomes Mother of the Year. After all, her life philosophy is pretty inspiring:
“I don’t care what people think about me. If you like it, we’re friends. If you don’t, you’re my enemy; peace out. That’s how everybody should be, otherwise you’re going to be depressed all the time.”