I Had A Threesome; It Wasn’t Exactly What You See In The Movies

Two boys for every girl!

I was in Barcelona when I received the email from B. He and I had met the week before and had fucked around during his lunch break in the apartment where I was staying in the 16th arrondissement of Paris. When he left, we agreed to see each other again under the NSA guidelines: sex without attachments. I left for Barcelona two days later.

I had been wandering around in the rain, weaving in and out of the narrow Barcelona streets when I decided to stop for paella and San Miguel. It was then that I received the email from B, the one where he said he had “good news.” The “good news” was that the night I returned to Paris from Barcelona he and his friend would be near my flat and they could both come over. I was confused. Although I would allow myself to get momentarily caught up in all of it, mostly because of that damn French accent that I’m such a whore for, I was unsure how meeting his friend fell under the NSA guidelines. I told him I didn’t understand what he meant or what he was trying to say. There was, of course, a bit that was lost in translation during a lot of our email exchanges. When he responded, he still didn’t spell it out, but I was able to infer enough: “I thought we could come over and we could ALL HAVE FUN TOGETHER.” Yes, he used caps just like that. As an American who lacks the ability to be subtle, I asked in my following email: “Do you mean a threesome?” And yes, he did.

I took a sip of my beer and thought about it. A threesome was on the bucket list, but so were lots of things that I probably would never end up doing. As I contemplated, he continued to email me with things like “any life coach would tell you that there’s no time like the present,” and “think Vicky Christina Barcelona – you are there after all,” and my most favorite, “it’s unusual, but it’s the usual that kills us.” Pushy much? He also pointed out that a great way to recover from heartbreak is to fuck, and here was the opportunity with two guys – how could I not take him up on his offer? He was just trying to help me forget a certain asshole. Again I took a sip of beer, consulted my friends — who were divided 50/50 on the matter — and told him I’d have to think about it.

The concerns weren’t major, but legitimate. I wondered if after such an experience would only one fella ever be enough again? Would I have to adopt a different name? ‘Amanda’ isn’t exactly the name of someone who engages in group sex. What if things got out of control and went in a direction with which I wasn’t comfortable? It’s not as though I could hold my own against the power of two men. The solution to the last question was easy: “Whenever things get too weird for you, just yell ‘Jean Dujardin is ugly,’ and we’ll stop.” Yes, that was B’s answer. I laughed, and agreed — with the side note that I could opt out if I lost the necessary gumption to take on two guys at once.

The night I returned from Barcelona B and his friend M came over with wine. The conversation was mostly about politics as the massacre in Toulouse had just happened. Both B and M were extremely witty, educated, adorable gentlemen. I had already felt comfortable with B, and was becoming comfortable with the idea of the two of them, but in a way that made me laugh nervously.

Eventually they both made their way to the couch and sat on either side of me. It was when they both started kissing and touching me, that I froze up. Who was I supposed to touch first, or should it be both at the same time? How does one kiss two people at once? Did someone just stick their tongue in my ear? B suggested we move to the bedroom.

Again, I was sort of frozen and robotic in my movements, my movements that were very minimal because I was clearly not the one manning the ship. With B in front of me and M behind me they began to undress, then undress me. It was at this point in the story when I was relaying it to friends that I was asked not once, but twice: “Did they dance?” Apparently, dancing is part of a threesome in the minds of those who have never done it. There was no dancing. What there definitely was was me sitting on my bed staring at two naked French men with their erections inches away from my face. OK, I thought, I might as well start touching them or something. It was at this point, with a penis in each hand, that I realized I am not a threesome gal — or at least I’m not one after only two glasses of wine. I think that if I had been tipsy and on my way to feeling drunk, I might have felt differently about the situation. [tagbox tag="threesome"]

I laid back on the bed, informed them that there would be no “D.P.” action (I really didn’t need a cock in my two major orifices down there at once) and just went with it. There would be two orgasms in that room that night, neither of which would belong to me. Afterward we returned to the living room, the dirty talk from just a few minutes before went back into political mode and we finished the wine.

I blame myself for not enjoying it to the fullest extent that I could have. There I was with two very handsome and charming men who wanted to “please” me and something in me just shut off. Maybe it’s because as an American, no matter how hard I try to shake it, my Puritan roots run deep, or maybe I’m just not a threesome person. It was fun and an experience that I wanted and wouldn’t give up, but if I did have the chance to do it over, I’d loosen the fuck up a bit. If loosening up for me means four glasses of wine instead of two, then maybe that’s how I should handle it if the opportunity should arise again. I’d also ask them both to dance, since that seems to be part of the equation on which I apparently missed out. Nothing breaks the ice quite like two naked dancing men.

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    • Fabel

      Ahh, you definitely need more than two glasses of wine!! I don’t know about you, but my enthusiasm for penises is heightened when I’m at the right level of drunkeness. I totally get where you’re coming from with this, though : “It’s not as though I could hold my own against the power of two men.” I turned down a threesome for that exact reason before, even though I was comfortable with the two men who would’ve been involved.

    • Tania

      If we were bros, that would totally deserve a fistbump.

      Although, yeah, I agree with the other comment. Enough wine to be pleasantly drunk and I think I’d be more excited about twice the penis action, too.

    • LeeLee

      I dont think i can accurately express how much i love you for sharing this in print! that’s a freaking awesome story! you go girl! I think you should get back up on that horse and try (read-ride) again. But maybe back home and with more booze? I dont think i’d be comfortable handling 2 dudes in a foreign country, without severe intoxication–which, again, when you’re in a foreign place where it might take people a while to realize that you’re burried in a ditch somewhere is probably not the best of ideas.

      On a separate note, i think my first threesome will probably be 2 girls one guy. less work for me lol.

    • sara

      I definitely just lived vicariously through you on this one. A 2 guy-1 girl threesome was so on my bucket list!! I love being married, but I wish I would have gone for it with two dudes in my single days. I did so much other crazy shit, I don’t know why I missed that one.

      I feel like that’s my only advice to single people…HAVE YOUR THREESOMES NOW.

      • Datan0de

        Meh. All of the threesomes I’ve had have been since I got married. Married sex most definitely does not have to equal boring sex, regardless of if it’s two people or three or six.

      • sara

        @Datanode I was actually going to add “unless you have an open relationship”. But I figured I didn’t need to add the obvious. Also it’s not that common, so I didn’t think I needed to make a superflous footnote.

        My sex life isn’t boring at all. It just doesn’t involve other people. I don’t give a shit about anyone else’s monogamy (in fact have at it if it works for you). But, I think your snarky comment is pretty lame.

      • Datan0de

        No snark intended. I apologize if I came across that way, but I think my response was appropriate given that you started your comment by stating that you’re living vicariously through the author.

        As far as how common polyamory and other forms of nonmonogamy are, I don’t have any specific figures to cite but I suspect it’s more common than most people suspect.

    • Jon

      boo for no DP action!

    • Jessica

      I have to be the one to ask – have you ever said “no” in your entire life, amanda?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Wow. Wast that meant to be mean? And yes, I have said ‘no’ to lots of things, thanks. Actually more things than to which I’ve said ‘yes.’

      • M G

        I think Jessica meant to point out that at some point, as a result of your lack of desire, you became a sexual toy. Instead of saying “no” or at least communicating how uncomfortable you were you lay back and did it anyways, and then blamed yourself after.

        This was a time to say no, or at least have an honest discussion about the threesome with the two guys. From the sounds of it you guys just bullshitted for a while about politics until they decided it was time to fuck.

        Don’t blame yourself, I think a lot of people are uncomfortable saying “no.” But in this case you probably should have

      • KC

        Jessica, that was rude. I’ve had multiple threesomes with two guys and always found that any girl who heard about it was sippin on the haterade, big time, as are you.

        Props to Amanda for trying it.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Every time a commenter defends a blogger, an angel gets its wings…
        Thank you, KC.

    • MR

      I’ve never done a threesome. I had women who were friends, my two stints living in South America, who shared me, which equated in both places to them deciding who would take me home after we’d hang out and got drunk at various bars together. But now you got me thinking, why didn’t any two of them ever offer to go back to my place with me, together? :)

    • RM

      Amanda, I would take that “Have you ever said no?” question as a compliment.

      • Amanda Chatel

        OK. I’ll try that again…

        @Jessica –

        Thanks for the compliment!

    • Cassie

      I had a threesome- it was a blast. I wouldn’t necessarily do it again (it took a lot more effort to play with two at one time, haha), but I am pleased to have crossed it off my bucket list.

    • Emily

      I actually really enjoyed your story….its quite an adventure and it sounds like something I would consider and ponder as you have. Thanks for sharing.

    • Kayte CookWatts

      It sounds like you only did it to get it off your “bucket list?” You didn’t seem terribly enthused about having sex with either of them separately so I think you might have picked the wrong people. IDK, I think you need to be VERY attracted to all people involved or it is not going to be that fun. Maybe I’m misreading the tone of your article, but it seemed like because they were attractive and willing you just figured they were the right people-but you sounded terribly lukewarm about both of them.

    • cb

      I think this story is great!!! I have always wanted to be with two men. I’ve been with a girl and a guy before, but I’d want to go for the DP… Then again, I’m a hornball :) Thanks for your outlook!!!

    • Daddy Warbucks

      Threesomes are so fun to read about…. if the girl who is in them is hot. *Yawns*

    • reylt

      Im a guy. I’ve had a few threesomes in my day, mfm and fmf. Its something I will do only do if all involved are single. Its just too complicated to get involved in someone elses relationship. Someone either can or can’t have it, props to the writer for trying it. My favorite time was the mfm, it was with one of my friends ive known most of life and a woman we had both known for several years. I was house sitting a friends house (he had to move earlier then planned–had 6 weeks left on his lease) long story short we agreed on it (we’re in college+single currently, you only live once), and it happened one late afternoon on the fold out couch, all kings of positions, lounged in the nude, while talking about life, people we knew, our future plans. a few more rounds till we wear all exhausted. Good times you reminisce about on a rainy (or sexually dry spells) days :)

    • Hector

      I do a beatifull threesome last week in Barcelona with a very young couple! look his blog: couplebarcelona.com

    • jane

      Its because the threesome consisted of two men…perhaps a woman and a man would suit your needs? Idk two guys..way to much for me. A guy and a girl on the other hand…that is true vicky barcelona.

    • Claire

      If it’s hard to get the chemistry right with one person it only gets harder when you add more people. MFM is also something that takes a bit to get the hang of, you need a couple goes at it. It took me a couple tries to really feel comfortable with it.

      Like you I’m not into DP and they had better not anywhere other than my vagina. Still it’s an incredibly exciting and erotic experience. I like to start with dinner, go clubbing, and make it into a date where both men are trying to win me. Men are competitive and flirting/dancing with them individually really adds to the sexual tension.

      By the time we make it to the bedroom things are well, in full swing. Having two mouths and four hands all over me is something that cannot be explained. The actual sex is even more incredible than with just one guy as once again their competitive nature comes out. Not only do men last longer as they know as soon as they come the other guy gets a turn they also recover much faster as it seems the sight and sounds of a woman being pleasured by another man right in front of them has an erotic appeal.

      The end result is hours of fun and multiple orgasms for everyone involved. I’m at the point where sex with just one man is hardly fun anymore. Being the object of desire and release for two men is much better.