• Tue, Apr 10 2012

The 6 Men You Will Sleep With After Going Off Birth Control Pills

crazy old man

This morning an attentive reader sent us this article from Men’s Fitness explaining that the minute you go off the pill, you’re pretty much going to divorce your lame husband. Unless he grows a beard! Women never make decisions about who to spend their lives with based on actual intellectual preferences.

Because…

Without artificial hormones, women tend to be attracted to men with high testosterone levels—the rugged ones with the strong jawline and copious amounts of facial hair. Also the kind of men who tend to cheat more on their girlfriend and are worse at providing for a family.

This may not seem like a problem, but a woman’s taste in men may change after she stops taking the pill. This is supported by previous studies, which found that women who went off their birth control found their husband less attractive and sexually exciting. Probably not the honeymoon gift he was looking for.

I asked about this. “When I was on the pill, I dated three guys who turned out, at one point, to have been in gangs,” said one friend of mine.

Huh. When I was on the pill I dated three guys who turned out, at one point, to have worked at Goldman. It’s pretty exciting to think about the rugged alpha-male types we’d have gone for if not for floating on a ladylike hormone cloud. These guys:

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  • porkchop

    WHAT!! I’m so glad someone is weighing in on the other side of the eternal debate about whether women are sluttier on or off the pill.

    Husband: What are you doing in bed with four UPS men?

    Wife: You’re the one who wanted a baby.

  • MR

    Taking the pill is bad for a woman’s health long term. Almost all the women I’ve had serious relationships with, including my current relationship, didn’t and don’t take the pill, as their primary form of birth control. I know why women take it, but I just thought I’d put that out there.

    • Niki

      “Taking the pill is bad for a woman’s health long term.”

      [citation needed]

    • Elly-Rose

      Oh look, a MAN is telling us about our bodies and how what we’re doing is harmful for it.

  • Samantha

    Messing w/ your hormones is serious business. I was prescribed BC at a very young age due to painful/heavy periods. Never once did any brand (I tried them all) clear my acne nor do anything the Drs. said it would. I found myself, while on the pill for several years, constantly having mood swings and crying spells. I’m a MUCH happier lady OFF the pill! And my boyfriend isn’t ANY of the above. This article is pretty silly if you ask me… ;)

  • MM

    I’m always up for some logical criticism of the pill – I’ve had a couple tries with HBC and my side effects were terrible enough that I want to avoid it as much as possible. However, my experience isn’t universal and a lot of anti-HBC people don’t realize how many women have found it hugely helpful for birth control AND health issues.

    Of course, this is not logical criticism of the pill, this is “we found a couple studies that said women on HBC prefer more feminine men, we are going to extrapolate and say that it will break up your relationship.” I want to bitch-slap every pseudo-scientist who has to begin every scientist with “in the caveman days…”