Illustrated Guide: How To Seduce A Wealthy Man

We’ve devoted a couple Illustrated Guides to the overwhelmingly stupid idea of spending $2000+ on a handbag just for the logo. But don’t worry, ladies, we just haven’t gotten to the convenient loophole: if you can convince someone else to spend $2000 on a handbag and then give it to you, you are actually a genius. The only trick is you have to fuck ‘em first.

Wealthy dudes are everywhere right now: doing BDSM stuff and making spreadsheets. The field is wide open. This week’s Guide explains how to land one.

Share This Post:
    • Mallory

      I love this. “Duh.”

    • Katie

      Got tea on my screen from laughing.

    • Dickie

      Damn, sooo tame, and then blindsided by the vulgarity.
      Ashley, you are the best. I look forward to all future illustrations.

    • kit


    • GentleMatt

      Well Ashley, it seems you cannot draw an awful lot of things, for someone making an illustrated guide. I just wish more people could be so brilliant in their failures.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        You are extremely kind!

    • Penelope

      How are these so, so good?

    • MR

      Now you got me curious. How exactly does a guy, rich or poor, purchase a handbag for his girlfriend? I know you guys are down on Coach, but there’s one on my way to VT, and the spring ferry schedule gives me time to stop. I think I know what she likes. Yes, these sketches are comical up until the bachelor-party one. :)

      • EKS

        Pick something that fits with her overall style, either currently or what she’s heading towards (if it’s evolving). Describe that to the friendliest (and ideally most understated) sales associate. (If you don’t know her style/fav colors, an investment piece is probably not ideal.) Something fun and either colorful or made of natural fabrics is always fun for summer!

      • MR

        Thanks EKS! I missed this until today. Yeah, I did ask one of the sales associates for help, and she helped me settle in on one of the natural fabrics (signature) ones. My girlfriend is kind of a vegetarian – though she eats fish and sometimes chicken too – so I made sure to not buy a leather one. Yes, summer’s coming so. :)