• Thu, Apr 19 2012

Lady, You Really Aren’t “Crazy”

Look, there’s this piece on XoJane entitled “I Slept With A Crazy Girl” right now, and it just seems sort of sad and awful. You can read it all here, but the main points are:

- Some totally sane dude knew this crazy girl. She was crazy because she drunk texted people, I guess? She drunk texted, periodically.

- He invited her out to watch sports and bought her 4 or 5 beers

- He had her back to his apartment and let her blow him.

- They woke up after a nap and “Crazy D asked if I wanted her to blow me again. It felt like an odd move — too much, too soon and slightly desperate. Who blows someone twice on the first date, I thought. It seemed surreal.” Dude! Blowing you twice. That crazy bitch.

- After an hour D asked him how many girls he was seeing and said she “didn’t just want to be another piece of ass.”

- Crazy, right? He’s not sure “how to ignore her without feeling guilty.” How… dare she have the audacity to think they might date?

The first comment, from one of the XOJane editors, is “God, it’s like a horror movie. RUN, ANONYMOUS SINGLE GUY, RUN!”

Huh? This guy was somehow victimized by… being an asshole? Run? From the girl you bought drinks? And had over? And let blow you? Twice?

I say this as a heterosexual woman – I’d date her.

Nothing about this girl really strikes me as “crazy,” because none of this is “crazy.” It sounds like D really wants a boyfriend and is lonely and possibly drinks too much. A sense of loneliness and insecurity is not crazy. It’s not even remotely uncommon. I’d go so far as to say it’s part of being a person, and not a god or a monster (Sir Francis Bacon will back me up on this).

You know, it’s funny, generally when men refer to their exes as “crazy” what I keep hearing is “she had emotions, and I did not like that.”

I think maybe there is some confusion on what crazy is.

Dudes of the world – if you do not return your girlfriend’s calls for a week, and she shows up at your door yelling, she is not crazy. She is angry at you. There’s a difference. “Crazy’ would be if you did not return her calls for a week and she decided she was a lighthouse.

That’s not to say that women don’t refer to ex-boyfriends as crazy as well, but when women say that, the subtext is generally “he beat up a cop. He’s in jail now.” Ashley just referred to Ted Nugent as “crazy” and I snapped, “what do you mean by that?” and she replied “he just threatened to kill Obama. The secret service is following up.”

What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane – well, that does make a man a jerk.

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  • endn

    god seriously! that commonplace misogyny is disgusting, it should be a red flag to all women, and this piece on xojane in particular is so ridiculous and offensive, it’s like a banner for how that site values women. what i love about the gloss is the simple straightforward purpose, the lack of bullshit and pandering, and the respect to readers shown by not trolling for comments/clicks with revolting posts. thank you!

  • Lisa

    Yeah, men who call women in general crazy are really showing their lack of desire to understand and work with women as fellow human beings.

  • porkchop

    Yes. Thank you for calling out “most women are crazy but you’re cool” for what it really is.

    I have the amazing gift of being invisible to men like this. If they knew, they would think I was sad.

  • Ellen W.

    Sir Francis has your back, Jennifer.

  • Jo

    “You know, it’s funny, generally when men refer to their exes as “crazy” what I keep hearing is ‘she had emotions, and I did not like that.’”

    Best quotable of the week!!

    • Leila

      seconded!

  • Jen

    I want to print this article out and frame it! Jennifer Wright, you are my hero! :)

  • Briar_Rose

    Oh. My. God. This article is perfection. In the past when a guy referred to his ex or former hook-up as “crazy” I would think, “I bet she was! Not me though, I’m too cool!”

    Now when a guy says that, it’s a red flag about HIM.

  • MM

    Uggggh I actually read xoJane a lot because I think they have some really good articles but this one just pissed me off SO MUCH. I can think of few things I’d be less thrilled to see on a women’s website than a bunch of articles by an anonymous single dude sharing how he got laid even without the “crazy girl” bullshit

  • GentleMatt

    Guys calling women crazy are just too lazy to get to the actual problem, which might actually involve – quite shockingly – them.

    I did however observe a tendency of women calling themselves and their girlfriends crazy far in excess of what I have heard from men. In their statements, it seems, crazy can mean anything from “fun and outgoing” to “unpredictable” to “she stole my boyfriend” to “she attends the loonybin with great bravado”. Crazy has long gone from indicating mental illness to just another jaded term to denote something/anything off beat. It’s the road many strong expressions of feelings have gone.

    So with women using “crazy” as a positive asset in their own dating profiles, I don’t think we can blame anybody for picking up on it, even though it is a rather thoughtless thing to say.

    • S.

      yeah, except i can place blame because it’s all about the context in which the word is used. “crazy” describing a positive asset is not at all the same thing as “crazy” being used to discount somebody who makes you feel uncomfortable in your douchey-ness. and the user of the word fully knows that.

  • Eileen

    I’ve also noticed that “ladymags” tend to talk about “his crazy ex” in the same kind of way – when what they really mean is “his ex who doesn’t like him.” It kind of takes away from the cases where exes actually were “crazy” (she was bipolar and he couldn’t deal with it, for example, or it’s been years since they broke up and she still threatens him with physical violence) because you’re right; “crazy” for women means “not a personal doll designed to fulfill my fantasies.”

    • Eileen

      (Or sometimes it means “we were crazy for pursuing this relationship.” But, of course, a lot of us tend to blame the other person in such a situation)

    • Jayne

      YES. I have a s.o. who’s ex was legitimately “crazy” in that she was incredibly mental unstable and threatened violence to herself when they broke up. That is absolutely NOTHING like a woman who gets rightfully annoyed when being ignored or angry when cheated on and only serves to delegitimize real cases of mental instability.

  • Tania

    This is one of the best things I’ve read.

  • Kyle S.

    I’ve been involved with a couple of legitimately crazy women over the years, and can definitely say that “having emotional needs beyond a quick screw” and “having a bit of a drinking problem” sure as heck don’t count. Thinking your new boyfriend is the incarnation of a demon that has watched you bathe since you were a child, that’s crazy. Having an intimate, lesbian relationship with your golden retriever is slightly unbalanced. These women needed serious help and I hope they got it. “D” just needs to find a less horrible dating pool.

  • kt

    I’m glad someone wrote about this article. It really sickened me. Even if this woman had done something legitimately “crazy”…the tone of the article was so demeaning. Not only was this negative toward women but it made light of serious mentally illness which is like making fun of blind people in my book.

    • katy

      I was going to write almost the exact same thing, kt.
      My friend and I have been going back and forth writing essays about this exact sentiment. It’s been eye-opening, cathartic an just plain awesome.

      Also the lighthouse thing made me laugh out loud. I love this article.

  • Tommy Gorgeous

    1) In general, men and women over-use the word “crazy” to describe women who are less than stoic regarding their feelings.
    2) Designating someone as “crazy” is highly marginalizing. Everything they do and say is automatically suspect from that moment forward.
    3) “Crazy” covers too much ground and is used to refer to anything outside of the norm of one’s experience. For instance, I make funny faces to make my nephew laugh and he thinks I’m crazy.
    4) Again, I believe there is a double-standard in terms of crazy. If a lady didn’t return texts and calls from her dude (ex-dude, WE) and he started pounding on her door, we would assume he’s crazy for not taking a hint and because guys are capable of doing great bodily harm. So can a lady with a taser and a kubaton. It’s dumb for me to bring this up as there are a billion double-standards that are a crap-sandwich for both genders.
    5) I disagree with your assessment of “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool.” It generally means, “I feel like I’m able to communicate with and understand you without layer upon layer of interpretation and subtext.”
    6) A definition of “crazy” is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” While a double-beejer is a fantastic first date, some amount of guys would wonder if she hasn’t maybe done this sort of thing before and it ended really badly. Personally, I assume I charmed the pants off myself and offer to reciprocate. I’m a giver.
    7) Ted Nugent didn’t explicitly threaten to kill the president but he probably is crazy.
    8) It might just be me but I think the XOJane piece might have been at least a little satirical. Especially the line “God, it’s like a horror movie. RUN, ANONYMOUS SINGLE GUY, RUN!”
    9) Great read, Jennifer. Lots to think about. You’ve helped me move one lady I know from “crazy” to “wildly selfish, willfully neglectful of social convention, fearlessly invasive of personal space and purposefully forgetful of incontrovertible facts.”

    • CaptainScorpio

      Re: the line “God, it’s like a horror movie. RUN, ANONYMOUS SINGLE GUY, RUN!”

      Yeah, I read that as sarcasm.

  • Sam

    100% agreed. As a person with some mental health issues, I seriously hate the word crazy more than almost any other. I’ve been called that by guys before and usually they are just saying, “I don’t understamd you, I won’t try, so to excuse my behavior affecting you, I’ll just label you as crazy.”

    • Jen

      Same here, Sam! It’s fucking awful.

  • Larissa

    I really enjoyed this article, it’s everything I would have said plus some more insights i hadn’t thought about but i’m glad somebody brought to my attention. It gave me lots to think about. But best of all, I actually laughed out loud at my desk over, “Men. They be crazy.” and the lighthouse thing. We may be sense-of-humor twins. Because I thought that shit was hilarious.

  • Michael Hamilton

    cra·zy (kr z ) adj. cra·zi·er, cra·zi·est 1. Affected with madness; insane. 2. Informal Departing from proportion or moderation

    Lots of women depart from both proportion and moderation in relationships. This often manifests itself in inappropriate emotional outbursts.

    Just because women use different language when men do similar things doesn’t make strange behavior appropriate.

    “Women should be able to have feelings and opinions with the patriarchy clamping down! That’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!”

    Sure, have it your way, but what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Under the new rules you can’t call your ex a dick because he said you should wear more makeup, or because he let you know that you’re just like your mother, if he noted that you should really do something about your neck neck fat, or if he suggested you really should have a salad when you went out on a date.

    You can deal with uncomfortable things, right?

    • Tania

      But those are dick moves. Being emotional because a guy won’t reply to your texts and/or phone calls after you blew him twice isn’t crazy, it just means she liked the guy, thought he liked her (he liked his penis in her mouth, at least…), and she’s upset at misreading the situation and hurt that he isn’t interested.

      Most people, men and women, get upset when someone they liked doesn’t reciprocate!

    • Lux

      Um, yeah, I would never date anyone who would say anything like that to me, so….if that’s crazy, sign me up for the institution.

    • NI MEN HAO-DY TRAMPOLINA

      Ooh, copypasting the dictionary’s definition for crazy. You sure proved something… /s

      You’re a piece of crap; it would be surprising if women would have anything to do with you.

    • Shirley

      Um…ok. Why would a guy date someone who’s neck neck fat bothered him that much? Wouldn’t be easier to date a gal who wore the amount of makeup you approved of already? Why would you date anyone who reminded you of you Mom?
      I’ve had plenty of guys recommend a salad to me, always because they’d had it at an awesome restaurant that whipped it up good.

      A guy I dated, some time ago, once grabbed me by the back of the neck and “steered” me when we went shopping together. And I actually acted greaful, because I didn’t want to get upset and “act crazy”. I’ve had therapy since then. ♥

  • Sam

    I don’t think you could have chosen a better picture. That guy looks like the perfect representation of the kind of guy mentioned in the article.

    • Jennifer Wright

      He is smoking 2 brown cigarettes at once, while also telling truths.

  • Katie Everswick

    Emily, who was the first to comment on the piece and is also an editor at xoJane, was being COMPLETELY SARCASTIC in her comment. No one caught that?

    • Jennifer Wright

      SHE WAS!?

      Ohmygoodness.

      I do like the next comment though: “Yeah, if that horror movie is told from the POV of the villain.”

    • Marisa

      Yes! I was hoping someone else caught that/thought that too!

  • Sadako

    I think the female version of “crazy” is “creepy.” Like if a guy you went on a date with and disliked keeps calling or texting, that’s “creepy,” whereas if the genders were flipped it would be “crazy.”

    • Ashley Cardiff

      I think there’s some truth in this.

  • Jen

    When a man calls me “crazy” after being upset about something, well, legitimately upsetting, that’s the first indication that he’s not worth my or any respectable woman’s time.

  • DL

    As interesting as this discussion is, it’s missing one extremely important componont that I haven’t seen discussed: In recent years, the word “crazy” has been ubiquitously used as an incredibly vague adjective. How often do you hear, “Did you see that home run last night? It was CRAZY!” Or “I can’t believe my mother made that much salad on Thanksgiving, she’s CRAZY.” “Isn’t this some CRAZY weather we’re having?” I can go on and on. No, the majority of women aren’t actually crazy. But I don’t believe when men or women are calling the opposite sex “crazy” that they actually mean insane or emotionally unstable, etc. I think they’re simply using an adjective without implying its true definition. I’m guilty of calling many of my ex-girlfriends crazy–never to their faces of course. But whenever I have called them “crazy,” I never meant truly crazy by definition. I think we’re taking the use of the word a little too literally here. Whether or not it’s right to be doing so, that’s a whole other discussion.

  • Leila

    Not to promote a terrible movie, but I think this point was driven home to me in the scene from The Breakup, where he’s complaining about doing the dishes and she’s trying to make a larger point about him wanting to help out despite not liking the chore. He calls her crazy and she’s like “Don’t you call me crazy” This conversation is all approximated as I refuse to see this movie again, ever. The strongest emotion I felt that entire movie was the urge to slug him after that conversation.

    • Tania

      I watched that movie with my sister and two female friends, and the entire time we were all just like “wait, are we supposed to feel sorry for him? Because he’s acting like an entitled jerk.”

      So I agree entirely.

  • Em

    “Crazy’ would be if you did not return her calls for a week and she decided she was a lighthouse.”

    Awesome. Actually this whole article is awesome, and I pretty much wanted to cut and paste the whole thing in here, but, you know, that might be kind of, ahem, crazy.

    Seriously, though, the “she was CRAZY” thing is just as insulting and misogynistic as “God, what’s wrong with you, do you have your period or something?” Yes, that must be it, you fucking idiot. Because I have absolutely no control over my opinions or emotional responses, and you’re totally right, there’s no way I can be taken seriously. Ever.

    Man, it makes a girl want to disembowel someone. Oh, no, wait, maybe I’m just irritated because I have my period. Wait, do I? Am I even irritated, or is it just my crazy old uterus playing tricks on me? Hm. So confusing. Well, one thing’s for sure, at least. I am NOT a lighthouse….

    • alikkaho

      Omg – you’re so right. When men decided to attribute any “unusual” emotion to the female menstrual cycle, they’re the ones being irrational and crazy. I’ve had boyfriends who ignore my rational, logical, complaints as being due to either it being the week before, the week during, or the week after my period. Wait? So that means I’m rational only twenty-five percent of the time…

  • brie

    I hate the fact that it’s acceptable to dismis a woman simply by saying she’s ‘crazy’. Actually, when I was little I felt that being called ‘cute’ had the same effect. I wouldn’t let anybody call me ‘cute’ because I thought it was dismissive and belittling. That went for my parents, too. They, of course, found this adorable.

    Also, if you haven’t, you should totally read “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins (http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/YelWal.shtml). It’s all about how men keep women ‘in their place’ by labeling them as crazy or unstable

    • Catie8

      Ditto! Time to break out our copies of Gilbert & Gubar’s /Madwoman in the Attic/ or Showalter’s /The Female Malady/. Being “crazy” has been gendered for FAR too long; after all, “hysteria” is rooted in the Greek root for “hyster,” or uterus. Demonizing (“crazy bitch”) or diminishing (“awww, aren’t you cute when you’re mad?”) women for being rightfully angry is crap. It makes women feel irrational, out of control, and childish, thus turning into a nasty self-fulfilling prophecy.

    • Jennifer Wright

      I just want to second reading The Yellow Wallpaper, because it is amazing.

  • Erin

    I really love this article. That’s what I was thinking when I read the article at XOJane myself. Also, I’ve known some men who similarly dismiss their girlfriends by calling them drama queens or something like that. I’m sorry, confronting you when I find out you’ve been cheating is NOT just me being dramatic.

  • Rozja

    As a 60+ year old man, and having done a few years in group therapy, I would say that the guy is CRAZY, as well as a narsassitic, egotistical asshole. And the “crazy” girl is more sad than crazy. So she likes giving blowjobs; I’ve know a few women who just plain liked doing it (hooray for everyone involved).

    Seems though that maybe she could benefit from discovering (possible with some professional guidance) why she hooked up with a guy like that. There was a woman in group for a time who once said, “I don’t know how, but I always seem to pick the alcoholics”. There are definitely a lot of abusive bone-headed men about, but women keep going out with them. Why? It’s like encouragement. Where’s the benefit in that?

    Being young is/was not easy. And basically, everyone is looking to love, and be loved.

    • JEReich

      In all sincerity: I wish that there were more guys like you out in the world. Rock on!

  • Grace

    At first when I read this I felt bad, because the reason that I say my ex and I broke up is because he was ‘crazy’. Then I remembered the dude heard voices telling him I was cheating on him with my brother, so it’s probably a warrented accusation.

    He has since been diagnosed with schizophrenia and is doing well with meds and therapy. I make this comment in jest but to be serious for a moment, compairing emotional behaviour to mental illness is pretty insulting for all concerned.

  • j

    I think it’s important to recognize that one does have to look out for their own mental health. If you become involved with someone and it becomes clear that their issues may be exacerbating your own, I think it is your right (and possibly responsibility) to terminate that relationship before it has harmful effects on all parties involved.

  • Loligator

    What I mean when I say “Crazy ex” is that she…

    -Killed all 8 of my bonsai trees while I was out of town because I “gave them too much attention.” (found that out after the relationship ended, I thought I was sold dying trees.)

    -Told all her friends we were getting married and then cut herself when I refused to perpetuate the lie.

    -She had her friend “babysit” my cat, telling me that the cat was hit by a car and had run off injured, so that she could “surprise” me with my still living cat on my birthday. (Her friend, not knowing the real reason, asked me how much longer she would have to watch him.)

    -When, because of that, I left her, she made a huge show of pretending to kill herself with a gun that she knew was empty.

    -When I was eventually able to date again, she would stalk my dates, or call my family and ask about them. One time she parked outside my place and waited so she could knock on the door and play a game of coitus-interruptus.

    -And let’s not forget… She was actually diagnosed.

    I’m not justifying the behavior in the original post. And I’m not denying that it’s attitude is pandemic.

    But not all discussion of bad past experiences are unjust or untrue (as is implied by the generalizations made in this article.)

    Not accounting for the unbalance that privilege provides, saying “What men mean when…” Is equally as sexist as “All Women are crazy.”

    Even accounting for it, it’s pretty bad.

    • kt

      Still don’t think calling her “crazy” is ok. She’s still a person, and it’s sad that her relationship with you was so plagued. However, she can’t help her condition and you calling her crazy is akin to calling a one-legged gf crippled–just not that respectful or fair.

    • Maxwell

      If we’re not even going to call crazy people crazy, then why does the word even exist? What good is it to anyone?

      Bitch was crazy. Deal with it.

  • MR

    The man is pretty ungrateful. I once got this no sex oath, before I went to spend two days with a woman, I’d hiked with the weekend before with her friend and my friend, who were going out together. Anyways on the morning of second day I stayed with her, she wanted to take a shower with me and proceeded to masturbate me in the shower. I thought it was a little over the top. But she was a really nice woman, and we had a relationship after, and I was more serious about us than she was in the end. I never thought she was crazy, I guess she felt by doing that she’d keep me interested, but I didn’t need that to be interested in her.

  • Rogue Paladin

    I think men and women are both crazy these days. This article and the article it was in response to are both proof, if you ask me.

    Women keep seeking a commitment or assuming one is there when no such commitments are made, and they also give too much of themselves sexually with the ludicrous assumption that doing so will “seal the deal” when the guy is already up-front about what he is and is not cool with. The lady in that guys story wasn’t crazy, but she was also being incredibly stupid about how she tried getting a guy to be in a serious relationship with her. She kept assuming sexual acts would make the guy interested in who she was as a person; which does the opposite.

    Men keep trying to seduce women sexually while not giving thought at all to the emotional connections made with or by women, then are stupidly arrogant to think that a woman is crazy simply for even wanting that connection and commitment, and are totally oblivious to the benefits of being in a serious, long-term relationship with someone. The guy writing the article this article was in response to was a complete tool. He should have followed his gut and not let her go down on him or anything, not even once. She wasn’t crazy, he was asinine and disgustingly arrogant.

    Girls need to stop giving it up so easily if they really want a serious relationship and actually pay attention to what the guy is saying about his relationship boundaries, while guys need to grow up, stop assuming sex is all there is to have with a woman, and let go of all the “relationships are evil” crap. Both sides are just feeding off each other in an endless cycle of stupidity.

    • Arse Politico

      wow. slutshaming in response to calling out slutshaming.
      it’s like nobody needed to write any articles.

  • yazmin

    ok so its not plagiarism, and its good that the angle is getting a wider read on the internet. BUT this piece totally propagates your own ideas I love jezebel, but I do think this is wack.

    http://jezebel.com/5903793/on-calling-women-crazy

    • Jenna

      It’s hardly “wack” that two people who blog about (dumb) stuff would blog about the same (dumb) article. Besides, Jen and I are friends. You really think I could stand to look her in the eye if I “propagated [her] own ideas” without attribution? My post was in the can since Friday morning.

      Plagiarism is one hell of an accusation. You gonna back that azz up?

      Didn’t think so.

    • Jennifer Wright

      Oh, I’m backing Jenna up. As she notes – we are friends. And perhaps a major reason we are friends is because we would read articles like this and come to similar conclusions about how absurd they are. And I liked that article!

      Also, Jenna, you owe me a drink for all the plagiarism.

    • Bob

      Of course the two pretty women in the blogosphere are friends. You are perpetuating stereotypes with your friendship.

    • Mark Dantzler

      To be fair, Jezebel does have a patent on trafficking in mock outrage. I think an apology is in order. Or at the very least letting you borrow season one of Portlandia.

    • Sadako

      Jezebel has the patent on mock outrage. But who has the one on “The point? You missed it?” Thegloss should get in on that one.

  • Ross

    I think the media (and by implication, society) is very quick to pathologize women–they point to women’s insecurities about weight, looks, age, eating habits, women’s eating disorders, “women who love too much”, etc. as evidence of female pathologies. But when men act out pathologically, through violence, or promiscuity, or this weird theatrical male posturing, it’s either written off as some guy thing or it’s the result of a larger social problem. It’s never about male pathology. Nobody points to the fact that nearly all rapists, serial killers, and terrorists are male and then says “Look at how neurotic and damaged men are.” I don’t really believe that women are necessarily more neurotic than men, or that turning the same hyper-critical lens toward men would be helpful, but the conversation here is nowhere near balanced. We’re socialized to see all women as potentially unreasonable. It’s no surprise that so many young men pull the “crazy” card when they don’t get their own way (and why so many women take the bait).

    • Curran

      Yeah, humans of both genders are quite pathological in their behaviour but the culture is so slanted towards picking out pathologies in females that even if I am roughly equally observant of pathologies in both genders, there is a lot more guilt about doing it to women than to men. Actually, I read once that you can tell when a group has achieved true equality when they’re an equally valid target for humour and since comedies, comedians, and other kinds of satire can get away with a lot more humour at the expense of males, it’s a sign that women, in spite of the great strides they’ve taken in the past century, still have a ways to go because they’re treated as truly equal.

    • the drunken boat

      Look at how neurotic and damaged men are.

  • Amy

    I spent most of my first real relationship doing my best to PLAY IT COOL because his ex was CRAZY. I found myself 2 years later in a heavily emotionally abusive relationship. Girls just shouldn’t be expected to walk on eggshells for assholes.

    • Lola

      You basically just described my first relationship! The thing was he also always loved labeling me as “too sensitive” when he said something to offend me and i would get upset.

    • Elvira Καλλίστῃ

      wow, because you also described my very first (and last) abusive relationship. you end up staying quiet because any expression of emotion ends up causing him to flip out. i remember when he first told me about his ex girlfriend and how insane she was. the alarm bells went off, but i ignored them. before you know it you find yourself emotionally trapped and truly believing that type of thing is normal.

  • Miranda

    I can’t thank you enough for this article. I’ve seen a few now written on this subject but it really does need to be said as much as possible, because people *still* don’t seem to get that expressing emotions does not equal “crazy”. So thank you. Seriously.

  • Loligator

    Re: kt.

    I’m under no obligation to be tender with the reputations or memories of those who have abused me in life. She wasn’t an incompetent who was irresponsible for her actions, she functioned in society.
    I don’t think that defining her actions as “crazy” would put me in the bad graces of too many people, so long as I accept responsibility for my part in being blinded by her.

    Generally I don’t talk about any of my exes, but what I meant with my comment, was that if I were to talk about her, it wouldn’t be under false pretenses as is implied in this article.
    Some men actually have exes who fit the dictionary definition…

    “Mentally deranged, esp. as manifested in a wild or aggressive way”

    Could I be more sensitive and “fair” than that, yes. But I am not undeserving of some nostalgic rancor, and wouldn’t pursue a relationship with a prospect who thought I was.

  • RM

    HELLZ YEAH!

  • Gaidig

    I absolutely love this article, and it’s terrible for women to be dismissed as “crazy” for having a natural emotional reaction, but I will say that toning it down isn’t always a bad thing, and doesn’t necessarily make an emotional person lose their personality. My boyfriend is very calm and deals with crises adeptly. Since I have been dating him, I have occasionally been able to diffuse extremely emotionally charged situations by thinking about how he would deal with them, calming myself down, and confronting the situation from a centered place of strength. That doesn’t mean that I dismiss or submerge my emotions, just that finding a way to communicate better about emotion is a good thing, and shouldn’t be dismissed as abandoning one’s personality.

    • Dylan

      I actually have found that learning about how men frame women as ‘crazy’, learning about gaslighting, etc., has allowed me to accept my emotions and therefore be much more levelheaded. Why? Because I no longer feel insecure. I can stand behind what I say and be assertive, because I feel like my opinions are actually worthy. Sometimes the person I’m speaking with can be calm with me, and sometimes they can’t, but I’m no longer trapped in the cycle of feeling like I must be crazy and therefore acting from an unbalanced, scared place.

  • What?Huh?

    This is going to be one of those articles that future feminists read and say “Wow, mom, you guys were insane…”

    The dude wasn’t even talking about an ex, he was talking about a hookup. Don’t pretend like us ladies don’t talk crap about hookups. Every aspect of a mans personality and physique is put on the chopping block during girl time.

  • Monty

    So, is it misogynist of saying my ex is crazy because she tried to run me over with her car when we broke up? I’m pretty sure if a man did this, he would be called crazy.

    • k

      No, dickhead. That IS crazy. If she threw a loaf of bread at you and called you an asshole for dumping her, that’s NOT crazy. Stop trolling.

    • k

      No, dickhead, that IS crazy. Throwing a loaf of bread at you and calling you an asshole for dumping her is NOT crazy.

  • New to the US

    I arrived in the US a year ago and I think that women here are fed an unhealthy media diet of how a perfect man should behave and the fairytale relationship that they deserve.

    This leads to a lot of self-indulgent, childish behaviour that would be seen as totally unadult and unacceptable in the UK.

    No doubt many immature guys write off perfectly reasonable female behaviour as ‘crazy’ when in fact they are acting like a jerk. But *everyone* should be striving to act in a non-neurotic/obsessive/self-indulgent way. I’ve seen more of that type of behaviour here in 1 year than in 10 at home.

  • BulletDodger

    I would totally go so far as to call my last ex crazy. We broke up in part because our open relationship wasn’t working (the one he insisted on and I agreed to because I thought I was being cool and open-minded to potentially eye-opening experiences that really turned out not to be). Briefly: the new, other woman was way too emotionally attached and he wouldn’t leave her to work on our other issues. We tried to be amicable afterward but that quickly deteriorated when he found out I was dating an acquaintance the same day I found out he was engaged (yes, engaged) to this other woman– a month after we broke up!

    My favorite part is, he thinks I am the crazy one, because I willfully dated someone who *reminded* him of another guy he no longer speaks to. That “reminder” is enough evidence to convince him I am the manipulative, evil person who would intentionally– horror of all horrors– date an almost random other person.

    • sandra

      Jesus. Sounds like one of my ex’s. When we were dating, he told me all these stories about how “insane” and “crazy” his ex was… Well, his ex and i became friends (without me even realizing who she actually was)… Pretty good friends actually… And then one day he just broke up with me and was like “you’re friends with my ex. I can no longer date you. If that’s the people you want to associate with, I don’t want you in my life.”… i’ve never once had a problem with her, she’s actually a really sweet person who’s just really quiet and doesn’t like to go out a lot (where-as HE was a party animal who always got mad when she didn’t want to go out with him… Which I believe, because I had the same experience with him during our relationship). Her and I are still really good friends… But the last time I talked to any of our mutual friends, he was apparently running around calling me crazy, saying I broke up with him, and was doing all this other stuff…

      Some men are just ridiculous.

  • Connor

    My ex was crazy. She’s in jail now. My other ex was also crazy; she stabbed me with a pen. My NEXT ex dated me for three months before she told me she actually lived four states away and was only here for a short time. All I’m saying is sometimes it actually is the woman :)

    • kw

      And do tell, dear sir, what the common denominator is here….

    • IcedChai

      Yeah, what the hell did you do to drive these women around the bend? Holy shit.

    • Kou

      Sometimes people is crazy (doing crazy things tha get you in jail, or stabbing you with a pen -i guess-), sometimes they do irrational things for many reasons (like dating you for 3 months when she wasn’t living there).
      The bottom line of this article is not that all women are sane and it is categorically impossible to date a crazy lady. They exist. But just having emotions, and having human reactions, like anger, sadness, insecurity, etc., doesn’t make a person crazy.
      The important thing to acknowledge here, is that, a human being should not be bendable to someone else’s wishes. It’s not really a matter for you to try to prove that crazy people DO exist in the world.

    • sarahem013

      or…you are mentally unstable therefore you attract mentally unstable women.

  • unqualified

    I agree entirely with the article, being a man who has dated a number of women. A bunch of them were nice and normal, some of them were weird, a few were driven weird by our dysfunctions, one was actually clinically ill, and sometimes I was an asshole. Because that’s the male equivalent of this “crazy” label: asshole. It’s totally the go-to “what’s with that guy” term. Fair enough.
    But Kurt Vonnegut wrote “All men are jerks: all women are psychotic” a long time ago. So.

    • NI MEN HAO-DY TRAMPOLINA

      All men are shit. So.

  • Bryan J

    I’m getting a lot of “women good, men bad” vibes from this article, and it’s based on one complete tool and a chick who read way too much into a one-night stand.

    And then I read the source article. This guy is no tool; he’s brutally honest.

    I know this will win me no friends, but I don’t care: Expecting a relationship via a hookup is CRAZY. PERIOD. Deal with it. The guy can be blamed for taking advantage of the situation only if the woman is incapable of making her own decisions. I’ve known lots of women who could get slobbering drunk and still go home alone, or with the guy of their choosing. She made the choice to ‘take him to the head’, and she hoped it would lead to roses and love and enduring relationships. He treated it as it was; a hookup. And he was honest in saying that he was dating other females! (C’mon misandrists; she immediately says she doesn’t want to be “a piece of ass”, so she knows what she’s doing)

    That’s not to say it doesn’t happen. Every relationship I’ve had that lasted for any length of time started with a hookup. I’m the exception, though (in a lot of ways >:P ).

    In the end, his assessment is fair. Taking advantage of her? C’mon. The comments come dangerously close to calling him a rapist; that is neither fair nor true. The only thing this guy can be punished for is taking the path of least resistance, which he is chastising himself for. With the outcry going on here (and the other site), you’d think the girl in question is the one responding…

    • Sandra

      Uhm… If you buy a chick drinks, take her somewhere, have sex with her, invite her over, etc… These are all acceptable signs of YOU being INTO the woman. The WOMAN is not somehow “crazy” for interpreting these actions correctly. It’s HIS fault because he wasn’t up front with his expectations… You call a woman crazy when you’re up front about expectations, (i/e, you ONLY want a hookup out of this), and she doesn’t get the hint and continues to pursue something other than what you want…. But if you expect nothing more than a hookup, and are not up front about those expectations and do not tell a woman so, then you cannot get mad, angry, etc, and call her crazy for assuming that you going through what is considered “basic courtship actions” means you are interested in her and a potential relationship.

    • sarahem013

      a guy would say this. look, this is not man bad, woman good. but damn, how can you not be aware enough to see that women have been viewed a particular way for a long time, so much worse than men. and don’t pretend to say its not true because you are not a woman. it’s like judging what racism feels like for a minority when you are white. and he’s not being brutally honest. he’s just bitching. there was nothing intelligent in that article. this is typical of men. and if this girl had drinking problems, we have no righht to try to comprehend what was going through her head. nothing proves she was crazy. if she wanted a relationship…that doesn’t constitute crazy. maybe a little unhealthy but not insane. women have got to start standing up for themselves more and unless they are suffering from a true mental disorder that is causing them to act crazy, which we should be sensitive to, then don’t date a man who disrespects you with the word crazy all the time. it’s just some macho shit that makes men feel better about themselves. but go ahead and give the typical unintelligent response. most people don’t try to open their mind and try to really analyze what it feels like on the other side. damn, if women can’t experience a human emotion or fuck up sometime without being called crazy.

    • ▲mber

      I 100% agree with you lol. Expecting a relationship from giving a blow job? Ooh, wow girl, you run a tough game. Seriously -_- That’s like a guy expecting sex on the second date. Just NO.

  • sarahem013

    some people both men and women can act “crazy” sometime, either mentally unstable, temporarily going through something at the time, but women have got to stop allowing men to generalize them as crazy. we don’t have to be way uptight and bitchy about it, just be more selective of the men you choose and blow them off when they use that word. also, remember that there are so many people, men, out there who will not care what you say, so don’t waste your time on them. it’s the only way to change up the game.

  • britney robinson

    Dated a total jerk who acted like this! Said I was crazy even though he himself was totally off. I don’t think it is fair women are shot down as crazy so quickly when really guys act like jerks! He broke up through a text(after a year together and he is 30) and he expected “normal” “sane” response. After three weeks of hearing his lies and half truths and made up reasons for dumping me via text, I called him a whole bunch of time, because all I wanted was to hear the truth. Well that was the end officially I am now the crazy ex and I don’t give a crap. He could have avoided all of this and just dumped me like a normal person would with a phone call or in person, but truth is he wanted to hurt me, I had mentioned that dumping through a text was hurtful and wrong and I couldn’t take it if someone did that to me so he knew what he was doing.

    • Annon

      This story is nearly identical to mine, though it was through facebook and he blocked me afterward simply so he couldn’t hear me respond or demand that he have the courage to break up with me in person, giving me the decency of closure.

  • lalala

    I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

  • lucy

    I have a feeling I will be contacting you again very soon regarding the phases of our schedule we set up on the subsequent contact. Plan one went according to your time line and has now been implemented in the right and correct procedure. No hiccups! I have great faith in you now I am living with the results from your first spell. (Amazing) Your second spell should be speeding in very soon. I will be able to tell more when the correct date happens. So then, the right sojourn will be the next consultation to set up and coerce the blessed plan into action. Many thanks for your bold work and enterprising scope serving humanity. I am deeply impressed. Your authentic spiritual work is a refreshing change. It takes dedication to work as you do with such dignity and respect. I highly recommend your services and this ubiatowhitemagicspell@yahoo.com

  • Boots

    This article writer has never had a crazy ex.

  • Jenny

    I like the overall point of the article but I wish you hadn’t sprinkled it with so much ableism.

  • disqus_qrAmknfK16

    My ex told me he thought I was “too laid-back to be crazy”. When he said it, I couldn’t work out why that statement bothered me so much, besides the fact that he knew I had a long-term mental illness and he was dismissing it with one statement. When he stopped calling a few weeks ago, I checked his profile to see a post in which he essentially trashed and demonized all the women he’d dated in the last four months, including me – and for the most petty things.

    Your comment about them deciding you are crazy because that’s the conclusion they’ve come to about all women? You struck oil, my friend.

  • Lynn

    I was involved with (never officially dated) a guy for over a year who constantly expected me to be there for him at all times, but couldn’t be bothered to listen to me when I had even the slightest troubles (and I don’t just spill secrets and dreams to just anyone, it takes a large amount of trust on my end, or a great deal of stress, for me to reveal anything – and that’s a sign of my trust in someone), but thought nothing of running to his “crazy” ex when she had the most minuscule issues (although she was rather mental, and I don’t just say that because I disliked her; now I only pity her).

    After he called me a “crazy-ass bitch” and said he “couldn’t be there for [me] every second of every day because [he] had to work and go to school” – never mind the fact that I work AND go to school full-time, and have been since long before I ever met him, and *I* was ALWAYS there for him – I finally said, “That’s enough,” and cut off all contact.

    I am not “crazy,” or “selfish,” or “needy,” or “clingy.”

    I have never, ever been any of those things.

    I later put the pieces together and realized he was a sociopath – and I’ve never been more glad to be rid of him.

    Moral: there’s true-on “mentally ill” (as his ex is, being as messed-up as he is – I wonder how much he influenced that), and then there is the simple demand to be respected.

  • Lauren

    Thank you for this article. It couldn’t have been better written or more relevant to so many women. I wholly appreciate it because I have been the “crazy” person in a relationship for having emotions and until I read this I believed it. So thank you for reminding me that having feelings and reactions to people say is not innately crazy, it’s human. And completely sane, if not more sane than not reacting at all. I will pass along the message!

  • ▲mber

    The problem with this is that this isn’t what most guys say is crazy. Texting all the freakin time? That’s annoying. Asking what girl you’re talking to all the time? None of her business. Demanding to know where he’s going, what he’s doing, etc? GTFO. Then there’s the overly emotional girl. Constantly crying. Major mood swings. All. The. Time. Honestly, the real world and your partner is not going to be there to comfort you when you’re PMS’ing like every week.

    The thing is, most of the girls here were acting like normal, none clingy girls; their boyfriends were douche bags. But there ARE crazy girls. And they aren’t acting sane, they’re clingy, possessive, rude, insecure, and weird.

  • Nicola

    “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”― George Carlin

  • Someg

    Picking some XOJane article that is clearly biased, fake, or at the very least embellished is silly. I don’t believe getting blown twice makes a girl crazy, no man I’ve ever met would either. Any well adjusted man would not call a girl crazy because shes looking for a relationship either. You have to understand that Jane (and yourself) do this for a living, and thus look for ways to substantiate your claims, like the blatant sexism you show towards men in this hypocritical, overgeneralized article.

  • Blue Otis

    WHY WOULD YOU SHAME A WOMAN FOR THAT?

    men are morons !

  • vaultdweller13

    for lack of a better term, men call such women “crazy”, i think what is meant is a sad mixture of desperation, clinginess and erratic sexual conduct ( such as revealing her crush for some dude’s best friend post-coitus in this dude’s bed. If a guy did that, we’d call him an unadulterated asshole ) Now, the problem with the original confession is that our dude never really openly admits but more or less confesses his overall dislike for this woman yet more or less deliberately manipulates the situation to get an easy score for a sunday afternoon. Knowing very well that she had a crush on him. Now this is cold blooded manipulation and pretty stupid miscalculation, which obviously backfires . Your article should have focused on this not the benefits of a woman who blows you twice on the first date. It is clear that he never liked her. But took advantage of her interest when it suited his interests. And, then he goes and writes a whole rant pretending to be innocent. And, this respond article misses all the important points , presents an emotionally wrecked woman’s desperate desire to please a man to be desirable and normal. Either the author really does not live in the States and have no clue about what she’s talking about or she just reacts to the sad story in this emotionally defensive way. i don’t know. Anyhow, this reaction-response is almost more disturbing in its misguidedness and sensibility.

  • Sam

    calling women crazy is the easiest and probably the most common way of dismissing us. especially if the woman is calling a guy out on something he’s said or done. ex: ‘ she had the nerve to respond in a way other than going to cry in a corner when i was an asshole to her.- that bitch is crazy’. or if she questions something he’s done=crazy. and if SHE actually expects a response after she calls him out on it???? well, then she’s a stalker,too. this article barely scratches the surface of this all too common bullshit.

  • Nick

    Yeah, that wasn’t crazy. Maybe a little too desperate and made him feel awkward, but by no means crazy. However, you make it seem as though men are in the wrong for thinking the way some, emphasis on the some, women act is bordering on the line of emotional instability. Like having an ex (who you only dated for a month) who breaks half your dishes because you got her lilies instead of roses for valentines, or have a friend who cries uncontrollably when the guy she talked to last night hasn’t texted her by noon the next day. Those are “emotions” sure, but while that may be sane to some most guys would call another guy insane in a second if they did that. I think I can speak for most men saying that we don’t deal with emotional instability very well.
    That being said, there a lot of guys who call the way their friends/exes/girlfriends crazy when it is not and the guy just doesn’t know how to respond to heavy emotions. I dunno, maybe its because I have had so many legitimately mentally unstable women in my life (family, friends, and S.O.s) that it bothers me when women think guys are crazy for thinking there are crazy women

  • Bananas

    The ‘crazy’ part is thinking that somebody owes you something for doing what you do. It is indeed crazy to think that someone has to date you because you blew them. Twice. Especially when no mention of anything more serious was made by the person you blew.

    You want to be sane and logical? Talk about those sorts of things BEFORE you give a blowjob, or a second blowjob.

    Giving out NSA sexual favors, and then expecting the situation to suddenly have strings attached to it afterwards is crazy- it is illogical.

    • Elvira Καλλίστῃ

      “crazy” and “illogical” are WILDLY different things.
      crazy is a derogatory way of saying “mentally ill”.

      emotions, as they are, are often illogical. human experiences and life in general is often illogical. people are some of the most illogical beings on the planet, that’s life.

      naive also might apply, to this woman, from the “man”‘s POV, but crazy? absolutely not.

  • kizzle

    I broke up with a guy, who was troubled by a difficult past. I found out after 3 months of dating him, that he had put his grandmother’s dog in a microwave, and turned it on. The dog lived, but it was HILARIOUS that it had developed a twitch, and his grandmother (or the vet) couldn’t figure out what had caused it. I ran like hell from this seemingly normal, sexy, charming guy, because he scared the shit out of me.
    Since I was never ‘crazy’ around his/our friends, and I was always pretty emotionally calm, when I moved out while he was at work (emptying the house, moving to a friends and changing the locks), he told all of our mutual friends that i was bat shit crazy.
    That I had had a mental breakdown. “Our” friends became “his” friends, and everyone walked on eggshells around me. It scared me even more, because I felt isolated, no one would take me seriously, and he was a fucked up dude who went from calling my house and heavy breathing, to making death threats and haunting me at my work. It made me mad as hell, because I’m smart, independent, and definitely not addicted to anything but coffee-in fact, I never did any drugs at that time in my life, because I was scared to feel out of control.

    Years later, I ran into folks who were mutual friends at the time, and they were all, “Oh sweetie, how has life been for you? I’ve heard it’s been really hard.” After a blank stare at them (life’s been pretty damn good actually, all schooled up and have a kick-ass job), they apologize for bringing it up. I asked them, “Bringing what up?!” totally confused. They looked at each other concernedly before going on delicately, ‘You know, your time away.” I said, “Do you mean, my time in school?” and they laughed, and were all, “Oh nevermind, S—– said you never talked about it.” Let’s change the subject. I pushed, “WHAT? What problem did I have?” And they uncomfortably whispered, “You know, your little problem….with meds?”

    I started to laugh, because that was the only reaction that I could have. Drugs?! Seriously?! This guy was so convinced (and had convinced his friends) that a girl like me (who wasn’t openly ‘crazy’-in fact, i was often referred to as a dude with boobs’, because I wasn’t emotional*) would leave him for damn good reasons, he had to fabricate an emotional breakdown and a drug addiction story, that still haunts me today. While semi funny, I moved far away, and eventually ended up in counselling for reasons more to do with learning how to trust a partner (and my choice in them), than because i was the “crazy” one.

    *And I’ve learned now, how to own my emotions, and be proud of them, and to trust my fucking instincts off the bat, than to try and not be ‘emotional’.

  • Avril Gordon

    ok, i might be a bit drunk as i write this but… if a man suggests your crazy for doing perfectly reasonable things, just leave him. like i know if your married with kids or what not, that can be kinda hard, but for most women, just give him the kick. women can bitch about men all day, and vice versa, and thats ok, but seriously, just move on. for both men and women, you have to work through some things, for any relationship to work, but sometimes you got to know when to throw in the towel.

    • Avril Gordon

      i thought id also add, i love giving blow jobs, but i do expect at least a damn good cuddle in return lol

  • Heterosexual MAN

    I’d say this as a hetero sexual WOMAN. You do not understand. My “crazy” ex told me she was pregnant 4 times, lying about it each time, to my entire family, her family, and our friends. Then told me that one of my good friends gave me syphilis who I have never slept with. It’s the “crazy” ex girlfriends we are talking about. Not some dolled up one night stand cause you’re horny, come to think of it those girls are crazy too!

    • lin

      i wonder what did u do to her, for her to act that way, Im sure u deserve whatever she did to u 100% , so U ARE THE ONE WHO IS CRAZY, instead of talking about her , talk about u and all the bad crazy things u did, coward

  • lin

    u aree amazinngg keep writing and I usually disagree with men, however I have find out its important to do that from the beginning, yes they do get defensive when u show emotion, thats why i dont relate emotionally, romantically or sexually with men anymore, women are better…l

  • W.O.

    I think that there some very strong social archetypes that we are far too comfortable with ascribing certain behaviours, particularly with the “men/women inherently behave this way-”. A persistent archetype that is in no danger of extinction is the idea that women are inherently and universally incapable of undesirable or even reprehensible behaviour without it being attributed to a rationalized psychotic disorder. This serves two opposite ends of our cultural perspectives. First, in our patriarchic society, it is the “women be crazy” factor; emotional instability is directed towards anyone who isn’t a stepford wife. It’s the same mentality that once called the female orgasm a type of “hysteria” that also has made it hard for women to gain equal footing in positions of power, or hell, even basic human rights, including the right to be accountable for one’s actions. The idea is that women are always on the cusp of losing control and that they can’t help it, such as the anecdote concerning the girlfriend yelling at her boyfriend for not calling.
    At the opposite end of the spectrum it also serves as a utopian ideal in the “men vs, women” arena in that women’s behaviours are justified as being a direct product or reaction to men’s inherent insensitivities, that at the root of a woman’s soul is one who is by birth and chromosomes and by social hardships, just and rational until tampered with which is 100% true…just not exclusive to women. Take the same anecdote about the insensitive boyfriend who didn’t call and the just reaction of the angry girlfriend. I can’t help but notice a missing piece of information; why didn’t he call? While it’s a good possibility that he was on some crack bender with his friends, or possibly cheating on her, it’s also a possibility that he might be having problems of his own, trauma or stress may have been a factor, or maybe he might not want to spend time with someone who shows up to his door yelling. While not answering his phone is a dick move in any case, it is also a behaviour that isn’t without explanation.

  • BlimbergAliskova

    I recently saw a testimony about this spell caster, before that, my problem was that, A guy i who have been dating me for 8 months departed from me because he fell in love with someone else, I was so hurt and depressed. so a friend suggested the idea of contacting a spell caster, which I never thought of myself. after i contacted dr.marnish@ yahoo. com for his help. I asked him to do a love spell for me so that my lover can come back to me, but before the spell was done, I was a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back to me. Only 3 days after the spell was actually cast, my lover returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. He doesn’t cheat me now. Also, I feel no heartache anymore For that reason, I will never forget the good Dr Manish did to me, there is no word to say how grateful I am for returning my lover back to me, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page, his number +1 5 0 3 6 6 2 6 9 3
    Blimbergaliskova

  • BlimbergAliskova

    I recently saw a testimony about this spell caster, before that, my problem was that, A guy i who have been dating me for 8 months departed from me because he fell in love with someone else, I was so hurt and depressed. so a friend suggested the idea of contacting a spell caster, which I never thought of myself. after i contacted dr.marnish@ yahoo. com for his help. I asked him to do a love spell for me so that my lover can come back to me, but before the spell was done, I was a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back to me. Only 3 days after the spell was actually cast, my lover returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. He doesn’t cheat me now. Also, I feel no heartache anymore For that reason, I will never forget the good Dr Manish did to me, there is no word to say how grateful I am for returning my lover back to me, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page, his number +1 5 0 3 6 6 2 6 9 3
    Blimbergaliskova

  • Emma Russell

    I saw a testimony of Nadezhda Vyacheslav on how she got that guy to love her as she did him.Though i don’t know her, i believed her cos she said Mutton Osun a spell caster help her seen it happen.I didn’t believe her cos she used a spell i believed her cos she made mention of a mutual spell caster i know of that is mutton Osun. I have also see a lot of testimony about his work on the the internet on blog pages and so on.I literally took a lip of faith to contact him and it turn out that it paid off.In my own case i didn’t ask that him to make anyone fall in love with me or ask that my cheating wife comes back.This time i was at fault i messed up.Will really like to say it was an honest mistake or a few hours or days of weakness but then i will be insulting my wife and the love i feel for her.I was in full control of what i was doing i had the choice not to cheat but i still did. She didn’t find out by herself i told hoping if i told her how sorry i am and how much i still love and want to be with her despite my betray she will forgive completely.It was the biggest mistake of my life maybe i should not have told her, i guess she would have still found out if she didn’t catch me then i bet the other lady would have told her what was going on to destroy what me and my wife had.It was obvious my betray really hurt her i could she it in her eye and i was really sorry.That is why i wasn’t so surprise when she asked that we go our separate ways.There and then i realized that i was following the part that ruined my life and my family.I literally lead four month of my life in misery.I have never felt like i needed her like i had felt begging was not an option nothing was an option cos she was gone.It was right about that time Mutton Osun came into the picture or when i asked that he help me get my wife to love as she did before.I was able to provide the items he asked that i get for the spell and send then down to him.Like Nadezhda Vyacheslav said “the spell does become effective at once that ” she was right also cos just after i did what Mutton Osun asked me to do with what he sent me, it took 7 days before anything happened i even thought for a minute that i had met a fake spell caster but in the end i am happy with my wife again.We going to be renewing our vows on the 20th of September. I was on the edge of become a walking dead a woman with nothing to live for thank my star Mutton Osun helped.I will also leave his contact for those who thing he can help them { godsofosunx@rocketmail.com }