Help! What’s A Good Way To Spend Your Birthday If You Are Alone?

Go see whatever movie is playing at the Angelika that morning. Ooh! The Deep Blue Sea! Rachel Weisz! Set in the 1930′s! Costumes! Oh. Umm, it appears it’s a movie about a woman who tries to commit suicide when her boyfriend forgets her birthday.

Though maybe that would make me feel like I was winning?

Hire a gigolo. Seems like it works out swell for Debra Messing and real people, too.

Try to start a dance party on the train? No. People don’t do that. Also, I don’t like newfangled dancing, and no one can do a mazurka for shit these days.

Make people feel badly about themselves.

Have dinner at my favorite restaurant in Annapolis? I’m normally great at doing social stuff alone, but having dinner by myself on my birthday just feels really pathetic. But it would be more pathetic not to eat deep fried cheesecake, right?

OH SHIT THAT RESTAURANT IS CLOSED. Okay. I could have dinner by myself at a different restaurant. FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK PEOPLE.

Alternatively, I could buy like 5 cupcakes and a bottle of champagne and eat them in my hotel room?

Listen to Edith Piaf and weep convulsively.

Borrow someone else’s family. Steal them off the street, lock them in my hotel room. Bake for them and force them to make chit-chat about how they are proud of me.

Interestingly, this is also what I’d do if the world was going to end in 24 hours, especially the family stealing, and I’m pretty sure my ideas are not good enough. HELP PLEASE I AM GETTING OLD SOON.

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    • JaneM

      Eat whatever you want. Cinnabons, especially. It’s the best way to celebrate any day.

    • Magda

      The things you listed sound pretty close to what I did for my own birthday, actually. I took a “me” day for my birthday and just did what ever struck my whimsey at my own pace. And if I was hesitant to do anything I though, Fuck it, its my god-damned birthday. I think it was a good birthday.

      Bonus of eating dinner on your birthday alone? You dont have to share your dessert!

      Sorry I have no good suggestions/exciting ideas. I like the family stealing/baking one… That sounds good. And exciting!

    • Eileen

      My twenty-second birthday was kind of anticlimactic. We’d gone out to a bar the night before, which was fun, but one of my housemates was looking at law schools that weekend (it was a Sunday), so we weren’t having the party until the next weekend. So what did I do on my real birthday?

      I went to my favorite sandwich place and got my favorite sandwich, brought it back to my house, and ate it. Then, when my housemate got back, we drank some wine and she called me old.

    • Nolan

      I think the saddest part would be having to take care of yourself all day. Pay for your own celebratory shit on your special day? I think not. Google ‘free birthday stuff New York/Annapolis’ and see what pops up. I did and lots of food and swag comes up. Hit as many places in each city as you can and go to your croquet tournament weighed down like a birthday viking after a successful raid!

      • Jennifer Wright

        Nolan, you are a genius. Thank you for this brilliant idea. VIKING PLUNDER!

      • Ellen W.

        God I wish you’d posted this earlier.

        Monday was my birthday and I spent it alone, mostly forgetting it was my birthday because I’d done fun things the day before.

        But I made myself curry which, for me, is mostly coconut milk and rice made with broth. So tasty. But not as tasty as plunder!

    • Fabel

      Yeah, I thought I was going to have to spend by actual birthday alone, but then a bunch of things happened instead. My plan was to drink alone & write sad things in a diary, though.

    • Megan

      Get a massage and then go to Dunkin Donuts! That’s what I would do.

    • Sarah!

      Hey, I also had to spend my 26th birthday alone last month. I just moved across the country. It was kind of a downer, because it was just basically a regular day. I think I ate pizza. Not too much though, because heartburn!

      What I’m saying is be careful. Don’t get heartburn.

    • Lauren

      I ignore my birthday every year because it’s in December and people are way to excited about Jesus to care that I’m another year older. So I usually buy myself a delicious meal that is too expensive to eat regularly.

    • MKH

      Get a massage and a facial!. You’ll be so relaxed that all you’ll want to do is order room service, eat cupcakes in bed, and watch your favorite movies….

    • T-Lex

      Not to be overly serious but I suggest actually staying away from over eating/drinking until late. Drinking alone while fun can seems like it might be awful on a birthday spent alone, so save that for nighttime so you can just fall asleep when lonely drunk thoughts assault you (samsies with eating a lot alone).

      I think if you like Pilates than go do Pilates ! You will probably feel great after and then later if you you do eat a lot you can point to the fact that you did said Pilates. Also endorphins yay for natural drugs!

      Then you can add things in that seem normal to do alone like getting a massage or some spa treatment ( I know people do this in pairs or groups but that is kind of weird for me).

      Finally end the night with much drinking and eating so you can go to sleep tipsy (or drunk) full and happy!

    • alanc230

      I like the Pilates, facial and massage suggestions. After that, I think you should eat a big ice cream treat. As a meal. Or, maybe you can get ice cream as free swag?

    • Lindsey

      Well, you have a party the night before, and the day after you’ll be with a lot of college friends… So it’s not like you’re actually not doing anything for your birthday. More like a three day birthday fete? Have your birthday as ‘me’ time?

      Sorry, I’m bitter. Actually being able to just have fun on your own, without the pressure of entertaining others, seems so fun. I’ve stopped having good birthdays since my mom stopped planning them! My favorite? 17. I thought, “I’m 17. I’ll just have friends over for pizza, maybe go out and see a film! The fun will happen all by itself.” All of the friends who could make it were couples, so it was with about 5 pairs and me. Also they decided to watch the presidential debates instead of a movie of my choosing. And then someone puked on my front porch (there was no alcohol involved, she just couldn’t be bothered to make it to the bathroom or bushes) and I, the ‘birthday girl’, had to clean up someone’s puke.

      My last birthday I was feeling sad because I’ve yet to be kissed or had sex with on my birthday. So I was walking around trying to get someone to help me out. You know how depressing it is when you can’t even give free sex away? I then went home where everything seemed to be going well, until my 19-year-old roommate started bawling at her boyfriend because he OBVIOUSLY didn’t love her because he wasn’t putting a baby inside of her… (!?)

      Maybe I’ll just pretend I don’t have a birthday this year.

    • Megan

      I think pretty much all of these ideas sound fantastic. Also, how I’d spend a normal weekend.

      So maybe do them all…but in a special birthday hat?

    • Gen

      I think you should see what Joe Millionaire is up to!

    • GentleMatt

      As someone who has ignored his last 12 birthdays, it seems odd to offer my advice. But if you cannot meet friends and family on your special day, why not meet someone else? After all “a stranger is just a friend you don’t yet know”. Or a knife wielding psychopath (because that guy is as CRAZY as his ex). Just one way to find out.
      Meet up with anybody, whether it be the first guy you meet at Momofuku, or maybe a reader from TheGloss you promised a silent cinema date to anyways… After all, even when the person you meet isn’t all that interesting, the first encounter is always kind of exciting, though.

      As an aside, I was a little sad when I couldn’t find anybody to celebrate my 10 000th birthday (as in 10 000 days old) with me last december. You have another 505 days to make sure this does not happen to you, too.

    • L

      so generally i find myself always sad and disappointed on my bdays because ppl will inherently let you down. so i save a trip to tiffany’s and get myself something shiny from their cheapest selection. nothing makes me smile more than a pretty blue box :) happy birthday!

      • Sam

        I literally just shared a similar sentiment with my housemate, whose 21st birthday was two days ago. It’s so much better just to rely on yourself for your own bday.

    • MR

      Jennifer, I was going ask you when, cause I knew it was coming sometime after the 21st this month – yes astrology does have its uses. :) But then I thought you might find that too private a thing to ask. If it’s a milestone year, I spend it with my family, cause for some reason they want to throw a big party on those years. But otherwise it’s the usual drink too much, because it’s a reason to drink too much, with my friends. You’ll do that on Saturday. What’s one day, right? That’s a nice campus photo in the other article you attached to this, definately a comfortable setting worth going back to visit each year.

    • Valerie

      I like the idea of buying yourself something! Make it something you wouldn’t normally buy, and then whenever you look at it, you can be reminded how awesome you are. Personally, I’d relish a day alone! Even if it was my birthday. Someone suggested getting a massage and facial. I second that idea! Do a whole spa day. Treat yourself. Make the spa people bring you champagne and tell you how awesome your cuticles are.

      P.S. Happy early birthday! Mine is on Saturday ;)

    • Rebecca

      sounds like you have some fantastic options! a day alone sounds kind of fantastic. If I were you, I would

      go to pilates
      get a facial and/or massage
      order some fantastic takeout
      put a bottle of champagne or yummy beer next to your bed
      feast on it all while watching some awesome rented movies all curled up in bed

    • Mamia lakhani

      Holy crap dont do that!!! treat yourself nicely christ sake its YOUR BIRTHDAY …

    • jessiello

      I want that boy in the pic for my birthday!