You Guys, How Do You Cheer Up Your Friends?

This is Ashley. She is too sad to show her face on the website. Also, this is how she cheers me up.

Normally, when I’m asked to describe deputy editor Ashley Cardiff in 5 words or less I say, “Nietzsche, hilarious early syphilitic phase.” But this week I would say “Nietzsche, almost dead syphilis phase.” Namely, because of shit like this. And this.

What do you do to cheer up your pals? What did Clarence the Angel do? Suspicious stuff, mostly, insofar as he never proved that everyone’s life wouldn’t be better if George jumped off the bridge at that moment. I’ve got to come up with a plan. Here’s what I’m thinking so far:

Tell lies like Clarence did.

Buy sour cream and apple walnut pie, bring it in. Look at this. It would make anyone happy, right?

Bake inferior sour cream and apple walnut pie, bring it in.

Go to a movie, maybe?

Play “The Freshman” really loudly. That stuff is funny.

Bring in pictures of Michael Fassbender naked? That would make me feel uncomfortable, but I’m not afraid to do it. I’m a risktaker.

Share This Post:
    • Ashley Cardiff

      I need a haircut!

      • Fabel

        But your hair is so pretty & shiny!

        (Also, my immediate, & wrong, first impression of that picture was that your elbows were actually super-exposed cleavage?? So that was startling.)

    • Maggie


      marathon of americas next top model



    • Cee

      I scrolled down a bit fast to look at the cake because…why not? (yes, I am a chunk) lol, but in the quickness of that scroll I thought Ashley’s elbow/arm was her cleavage >.> Needless to say I never scrolled up faster.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Miles of forearm, baby.

      • Rachael

        Hahaha I did the *exact* same thing. I was like, “How do they DO that?!” before realizing that, yep, they were only arms.

        P.S. Awesome hair-face and awesome pie!

    • Meghan Keane

      What if you just sent Ashley this?

      Babies can’t do that shit.

    • JJ

      Disney movies! ALL THE DISNEY MOVIES. Also, cake, chips and generally unhealthy food. These things are a foolproof combination to happy-land.

      • Jenny

        I second that – and you have to sing along. Loudly.

    • Alle C

      Puppy cuddles! Seriously, when my friends are down I make them come over and play with my dog. Everyone feels a little better after Oliver loves on ‘em and then treats them to the dog version of a one-man show.

    • Sabrina

      Youtube vids of cute and funny animals… especially the ones about funny animal friends, you know, like a monkey and a bird cuddling and stuff…

      Also, Oreos and milk.

    • len132

      I sing. Specifically, a song about losing my underwear… Because I am secretly 12 years old.

      Still, you can’t be depressed when singing about underwear.

      Also, when my best friend is really depressed, I have been known to act out my day through interpretive dance.

    • MR

      Great picture. Nothing more sexy than a woman with beautiful hair. And what’s wrong with the Silver medal, anyhow? :) Yes, the days when the USSR would win all three, and you’d have to listen to ‘The Internationale’, again.

    • Nessy

      1. Revel in the fact that you have lovely hair.
      2. Alcohol and spicy food. Or not. I don’t know your life.
      3. This movie:

    • M

      One of my friends helps friends going through bad breakups by having them come over and watch ‘American Pimp’. I think it works better for female friends than male; I tried it with a guy friend and he just got sad that he was alone a) sans ex and b) sans hookers. But it is an excellent movie to make you feel better about your life.

      I’m a big fan of therapeutic beach drives. Also sitting on park benches or truck tailgates cuddling and smoking too many cigarettes. In the end, I mostly just try to be there and listen. I’ve occasionally been spending the night [platonically] with a guy friend of mine [no dirty stuff, fully dressed and I'm the big spoon] because the anxiety has been interfering with his sleep in a significant way but he knocks right out when I pet his head, but my boyfriend started to feel weird about it so now I just lull him to sleep and then sneak away in the night like the least threatening ninja ever. Do what you can, right?

      Oh, and my cats! Adorable pictures and stories about them doing dumb things.