This week I’m only eating food I prepare myself. This week is going to be rough.
I pretty much never cook. Because I am a French Aristocrat. My fingernails are three feet long, and I cannot touch crockware that peasants have touched. It is an impossibility. Also, I have raging syphilis and mostly drink mercury to treat it.
No, that’s – I don’t know whether to say fortunately or unfortunately – not true. But it is easy not to cook in New York. There’s a take-out place on every single corner. And not bad take-out. Really great gourmet sandwiches and organic salads take-out. Also, restaurants, everywhere. And cocktail parties with food, because in terms of networking, bars are the golf courses of Manhattan.
But for the next week, I’m going to eat nothing that I did not have some hand in preparing. It will be an experiment. In… being a person, I guess.
Because the fact that I don’t cook is different than saying “I can’t cook.” The only people who can’t cook have no limbs, are illiterate or are clinically insane. If you’re reading this article, and in that sweet spot where you don’t believe you’re a lighthouse, you can probably do it. I just never do, because it seems boring, and time consuming, and hard.
I’m pointing this out because someone asked if I was going to do a series of posts on how bad I was at cooking in some sort of funny I Love Lucy riff. No. No, partly because I don’t find female incompetence overly comical, but mostly because I will actually need to eat this food.Â Instead, I’m going to try to do this as well as I can. Because I still want to be Julia Sugarbaker more than I will ever want to be Lucy Ricardo.
And because I heard that eating the good you cook makes you 1) lose weight and 2) save money. I’m going to see if either of those things prove to be true.
I bought $108 worth of basic foods I like. (If you have any recipes combining one or all of these, please let me know, but especially all.) They are:
Italian white bread
whole wheat English muffins
One tomato, because I did this shopping trip with my dad, an excellent cook, who said “Jennifer, buy a tomato. Tomatoes are good. You can put one in things.”
I don’t actually like tomatoes, so I’m worried about this little guy. I’ve named him Earl. He’s already got some brown spots.