Company Sells Paper Goods For ‘Your First Period’ Party

I don’t know about you, but when I got my period my mom handed me a pad and wished me the best.

Sure, some girls I knew had a celebratory one-on-one lunch or something — a few even had heartfelt talks that involved tears, the idea of which always made me a little uncomfortable — but apparently some moms seek to take reveling in their daughters’ passage into physical womanhood to an extreme.

Starting with invitations to a “Girlhood to Womanhood,” a company titled Menarche Parties R’ Us (you can’t make this shit up) offers all the supplies you’ll need to let your friends and family know that you are now bleeding form your vagina. Here are some of their treasures:

Let’s get the whole family over! Maybe we can play “Pin the tail on the pad.”

 

Nothing like eating off a plate that reminds you of period blood.

Or even better — drinking from red, menstrual-themed cups.

I’d be willing to bet that Menarche Parties R’ Us has a corner on this market.

Photos via Buzzfeed

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    • Arnie

      Can we just take a moment to note that they’ve decided to take “Girlhood to Womanhood” as a fabulous time to push abstinence on everyone.

      Because now that you have your period, you can go and sex up everything in sight! While still bleeding all over a rose!

    • Sarah!

      PUBERTY ROCKS!

      I’m all for period acceptance, I really am, but this would have been completely humiliating as a kid. As an adult I realize it is hilarious.

      • Sarah!

        I actually hadn’t noticed that until you pointed it out. It’s very subtle! Also pretty fucked up. “Don’t forget you can get pregnant now! So watch out for that!”

      • Sarah!

        Meant to reply to Arnie, obvs.

    • Lo

      Abstinence propaganda and poorly-designed craft items! I haven’t felt this excited since I discovered Regretsy.

      There is a Pin the Ovaries on the Uterus game. Check out the games section. Not kidding.

    • RM

      CREEPY.

    • Lo

      Me again. I added to one of the greeting card poems because I… was unable not to. If you can guess how long the original lasts, you win a bumper pack of sanitary pads bearing motivational slogans.

      It happened to me,
      It will happen to you,
      It happened to my mother, too

      The change in your life
      That’s soon to be
      We’ll celebrate, just you and me.

      I love you always,
      Please don’t be afraid
      A woman is what you will soon be made.

      For soon you will
      Sprout extra hair
      And need some ‘upper’ underwear

      You’ll find that you
      Have discharged stuff
      And, when you think you’ve had enough

      You’ll bloom into
      A lady-flower
      And lose a pint of blood per hour

      (I’m only kidding!
      Be a sport.
      – It’s really more like half a quart)

      Now, if this seems
      A lot to you
      We’ve party games to help you through

      Activities
      To ease your fears
      That you can play with all your peers

      What do you mean,
      ‘Humiliation’?
      It’s only natural, menstruation!

      It’s worth it,
      All the aches and pains
      For God has promised earthly gains

      If you stay fresh,
      Outside and in,
      (And don’t use tampons; that’s a sin)

      And never cause a man
      To stumble
      (Or look or touch or grope or fumble)

      Praying always
      For the sense
      To only study abstinence

      Then, when you’re wed
      In purity
      You’ll have rewards — like pregnancy!

      • Sunshine

        Holy shit.

      • Hannah

        Who seriously thinks tampons are a sin? That’s so ridiculous.

      • Lo

        The fundie-er end of the abstinence movement is not so fond of anything that goes up the vagina before marriage. Didn’t see it specifically mentioned on that site, but damnit I have to have a rhyme.

    • Jerusha

      Lord. Those look like they were designed by a creepy uncle in Paint.