Learning To Cook (Reluctantly): Day 3

So, the Brussels sprouts came out well. I forgot to move them around halfway through, but they came out well, in spite of that.

But – PSYCH! – I made them so I could eat them for lunch the next day (today). For actual dinner I was driven by a desire to eat Earl the lowly tomato. What happened to Earl, you ask?

One commenter pointed out that it would make sense to do an English breakfast where I could basically just fry things up in a pan. Raise your hand if you were that commenter; that was a great idea.

I probably should have researched what that entailed more, but in the past few days I’ve mostly realized that frying things is fucking fun (just like drawing faces on food and anthropomorphizing them is). So, I chopped up Earl. I chopped up two sausages. I threw some olive oil in a pan and turned on the heat. Then I threw the sausages and Earl in together.

Then I said, “An egg? Why not, an egg?!” I said this aloud in my apartment. I live alone.  It gets weird with all the potato chip bags being turned into tiny, crippled versions of their former selves.

I cracked an egg right in there and it went zzzgyedyggkguruhbhjjjjjsssssssssss. That’s the noise eggs make when you just drop them into frying things.

It looked absolutely disgusting.

This is what it looked like:

english breakfast


It tasted delicious. SUPER DELICIOUS.

I mean, I put it on a plate first, so that helped it look nicer.

Half of Earl still remains. He’s hanging out in a Zip-loc bag now, waiting for more adventures. It’s possible I’m just going to make this thing that… wow, research indicates really looks nothing whatsoever like English breakfast… again.

We should probably come up with a name for this skillet sausage, egg, tomato thing. “Dog’s Breakfast?” (Because it looks like a dog vomited it?) “Queen’s Breakfast?” (I’m suddenly against the monarchy? That’s out of character. I wanted to keep an English theme going I guess?) “2.5 For The Road?”

We’re going to need a name other than “Frying things is fucking fun.” Although FTFF has a ring to it.

Here’s a picture from Two For The Road that pretty much sums up how Two For The Road makes me feel.


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    • Sarah!

      It’s like Mongolian BBQ. You could call it stir fry. That wouldn’t be wrong.

    • Ajax

      The brussel sprouts also turn out well if you throw all the ingredients (olive oil, halved/quartered sprouts, etc.) in a gallon sized ziplock bag and shake it all up so the sprouts get coated. It’s pretty fun.

    • Arnie

      I tend to call fried things with egg scrambled omelette.

      I think this comes from the fact that I always managed to ruin an omelette, so I just gave up and started putting all the delicious things in a pan (You should try adding your mushrooms and a few of those green onions next time) and frying them until they smelt tasty enough.

      This is the good thing about cooking for yourself. You can make delicious things that don’t look pretty!

      • Tania

        I do the same thing, and call it the same thing, since I’ve given up on making omelettes that stay in one piece.

    • Jamie Peck

      On your way from work to the subway, you should stop off at Eataly and buy some truffle oil and/or truffle salt. They will make everything taste 1,000X better with no additional work on your part. Try sprinkling some over your FTFF!

      • Jamie Peck

        (Those things also taste really fucking good on Brussels sprouts.)

      • Megan Nicholls


        You need this. On everything. Only a few drops.

    • MR

      I’m totally useless to you on this, Jennifer. My girlfriend dug up this Southern recipe for catfish, cause she knows I been also digging the Cajun version. It was excellent. I did it all and had it ready for her when she came in last night.

      Preheat oven, but only to keep the filets warm after you pan-fry them. You need to use 2 plates to set up the filets, before you pan fry them in a cast iron frying pan.

      On 1st plate lay out
      4 catfish filets (1/4 inch thick) and pour 1 cup of cold milk over them.

      On 2nd plate mix
      1 cup of yellow cornmeal
      3 teaspoons salt
      1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
      1 teaspoon of red (cayenne) peper

      Roll filets in cornmeal mix and let them dry for 5 minutes on a 3rd plate.

      Pan fry each filet one at a time
      Turn them over 5-7 minutes in, and cook the other side 5-7 minutes (again adjust the flame so you don’t burn them)

      As each is done being pan-fried, you put them in the preheated oven to keep warm. When I was done I served them with lemon wedges. She loved it.