If You’re ‘One Of The Guys,’ Then Be A Doll And Buy Me A Drink

Every Sunday in the fall, I pull out some dip that uses cream cheese in the recipe and I sit around watching football. I don’t just watch the Colts games, though that is the team I cheer for. Once noon hits, some form of athletic competition or commentary is on in our home until we go to bed. No, I don’t sit on the couch the whole time, but I do keep an eye on every score. And while I’m watching football, I drink beer. Not even light beer, I drink real beer. Maybe Sierra Nevada’s Kellerweis or Mich Amber Bock.

Obviously, if I enjoy sports and alcohol, I must not be one of those uptight crazy bitches. I mean, I don’t act like a girl at all. I’m really just one of the guys.

Or not.

Actually no, I’m not one of the guys. Because liking sports and beer doesn’t make a person male. Getting along with men doesn’t make a person male. You want to know what makes a person one of the guys? Having a penis. That’s what does it.

I have a little bit of a problem with girls who are constantly referring to themselves as “one of the guys.” These are the types of women who talk loudly and frequently about never really getting along with girls. Probably because all those other bitches are jealous. So instead of dealing with females and all their drama, these women-in-parts-only choose to hang out with their guys.

Well you know what ladies, you sound like assholes. I’m glad you don’t want to hang out with your own sex, because it means that I get to spend less time talking to someone who makes who sweeping generalizations about their entire sex. I’m glad that I don’t have to listen to someone who tries to put down every other woman in the room to make herself seem like the cool one who’s above it all.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with having male friends. And I don’t think that women all need to sit in circles crocheting and drinking tea. Though if would get together for tea more often, that would be nice. Jen can make scones.

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    • macalny

      Wow. Based on this out-of-left-field rant and the irrational slam on Anchorman yesterday it would seem that Lindsay has some unresolved issues with a person (some persons?) she doesn’t like very much. Sorry a tomboy done you wrong, Ms. Cross, but if you’re hanging out with 15-year-olds (the only females who, in my experience, claim to be ‘just one of the guys’) perhaps you should find new people to spend time with.

      • D

        Agreed. If women genuinely like Anchorman or hanging out with guys and watching the game, why hate on that? Saying you’re one of the guys doesn’t mean you dislike girls.

    • Maggie

      Hear, hear! I can’t count how many times I’ve heard another girl say “I hate girls.” Well, too bad you are one. What they should be saying is “I hate catty girls who are mean and petty,” not all girls in general. Being “one of the guys” is not all it’s cracked up to be anyway. Who wants to sit around watching guys burp and scratch their balls? Not this girl.

    • Nancy

      Is this directed at the two of us girls who said we genuinely loved Anchorman on your other post, or someone you know personally? Hoping I’m just a little paranoid that it’s in response to us.

    • Cee

      Hmmm passive aggressive hating on someone?

    • Vanessa Vieira

      Lindsay is not saying she thinks all girls who like Anchorman, watching sports, and hanging out with guys dislike other girls. She is talking about a specific type of female who constantly brags about being ‘one of the guys.’ A girl who always tells people she gets along with guys better than girls. A girl who wants EVERYONE to know she likes ‘dude bro dude’ stuff. A girl who has to shout it from on top of a mountain (Anchorman quote — OMG that must mean I’m ‘one of the guys’) for everyone to hear is probably just insecure and thinks it’s cool to be ‘one of the guys.’ Girls can have a bunch of male friends, they can like sports, they can like beer, wings, cars, etc., but there is no reason to boast about it. Cool, you like football, that does not make you ‘one of the guys’ — that makes you a girl….who likes football.

    • BeccaTheCyborg

      Penises (or not) and Y chromosomes don’t make someone their gender either. BUT, this post is otherwise 99% pure triple-distilled excellence.

      • http://www.facebook.com/lindsaychartman Lindsay Cross

        Becca, I really did think about that after I wrote this piece. And I couldn’t find a way to fit in what is obviously a serious talk into this more sarcastic rant. But you’re right, a person’s gender is more than body parts and chromosomes.

      • BeccaTheCyborg

        I definitely get it, but it hurts actually more than I usually expect it to to have that kind of thing come up (and I’m just genderqueer). Possibly because otherwise, I want to link everyone to this article, and maybe cross-stitch it on a pillow (after learning to cross-stitch).

      • http://www.facebook.com/lindsaychartman Lindsay Cross

        A) I actually know how to cross-stitch and now want to make you whatever pillow your heart desires.

        B) I promise to be more thoughtful in every piece I write when I mention gender and how its expressed.

        C) Suggestions on how to fix?

      • BeccaTheCyborg

        Not even exaggerating, your response has made my entire day. Thank you so, so much.

        Umm, as for fixes? I suppose just not connecting gender with body parts or chromosomes.

        “Just one of the guys” women are really annoying to me as a gender variant person. I mean, it perpetuates a lot of stuff about stereotypes and identity that’s really kind of awful and belittling. And their expectation that I will commiserate in their misogyny. Hell naw.

    • Sarah!

      When I meet a girl who fits this stereotype I always think, “I’m not like a regular girl, I’m a COOL GIRL. There are no rules in this relationship!”

      I agree with other commenters that this seems to be a problem more with younger women, by which I mean under 22. That age range suffers from identity issues more frequently and are more prone to sweeping generalizations. I do think this attitude is influenced pretty heavily by TV and romantic comedies.

    • Lindsey

      Yessss. I especially hate when girls only do ‘boy stuff’ when boys are around. Like, girls who NEED adoration and love from men. Also, I’ve noticed that girls who claim that they hate drama attract and revel in it the most.

      • http://www.facebook.com/lindsaychartman Lindsay Cross

        Oh my Heavens, that’s a post in an of itself. If you’re the person who constantly yells about “hating drama,” you’re normally one of the major causes of it.

    • Magda

      I dont claim to be “one of the guys” but I’ve found that my male friends don’t censor themeselves around me the way they do our other female friends. When I’ve asked about it, they always say something along the lines of, “Because it doesnt matter, you get it/dont get mad/offended because you’re like one of the guys.” I dont think its a thing that I strive towards. I love heels and dresses and baking but somehow, I’ve still been put in that category.

      I have literally had a male friend tell me “Its too bad you’re not a guy because then we could be such good bro’s”. Like those were almost his exact words.

      • Kasey

        I know what you mean! My best friend of 21 years and I have an edited “Bro-mance” if you will. I say edited b/c I am not a guy, but the line only stops at things I literally cannot do b/c of being female. But seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed more with gal-pals than I do with my guys. It’s freeing!

        Btw, guys scratch themselves ALL the time. Just like girls have ways to pull a wedgie out without being obvious, they can do anything to their junk and you won’t even see it.

    • Sweva

      Angry much? Sounds like you’re sharpening your axe for the holiday weekend.

    • Kasey

      Just to clear up any questions, I’m 26. I can quote and act out almost every scene from Anchorman and can’t wait for the sequel. I also grew up in a field house b/c my daddy is a football coach. I understand the game with great interest and I can do the stats if need be. I also have a very large membership to Sephora, Birchbox, Allure magazine, wear Chloe perfume, and only wear heels when I go out. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I had no idea that at the age of 15, if a girl feels comfortable with a group of guys because she isn’t being held to an impossible standard, she’s hated by other girls? Wait, that doesn’t make sense and yet that’s what you seem to write. If it weren’t for the boys, high school would have been HELL for me and it’s girls like this who enjoyed to bully me. So maybe you should think twice before you go off on a tangent about a girl who says she is “one of the guys” b/c it could be her saving grace.

    • Heather

      Love this article!